


Make Me Feel Something

by sunkwans



Series: Feel Something [1]
Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, BDSM, Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, Businessman Magnus Bane, Comforting Alec, Dom Magnus Bane, Dom/sub, F/M, Good Parent Maryse Lightwood, Innocent Alec Lightwood, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Insecure Magnus Bane, Literature Student Alec Lightwood, M/M, Magnus Bane Is A Freewheeling Bisexual, Magnus Is A Sex God, POV Alec Lightwood, Protective Simon Lewis, Salec BROTP, eventually, he doesn't like being touched, i just love alec & simon being besties, sue me, what an angel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-08 19:48:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 67,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11653515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunkwans/pseuds/sunkwans
Summary: Alec is a senior in college, studying literature. When Alec's best friend Simon gets sick, and Alec has to interview Magnus Bane, Alec's life is changed forever.or,fifty shades of malec





	1. Touch Me, Someone

**Author's Note:**

> alright, i'm gonna just come out and say it: i actually enjoy the fifty shades books. i do. 
> 
> but, don't worry if you don't. this is just going to be an interpretation of that series, which means a lot of stuff will be changed. i.e. magnus not being a maniac, alec will not feel pressured in any way, or feel uncomfortable, and magnus will not get off on pain. 
> 
> magnus is going to be a normal man, with a not-so-normal hobby. magnus will not be a stalker. 
> 
> title is from one of my fav songs "feel something" by jaymes young. it's really great go take a listen. 
> 
> enjoy, angels <3

Alec sighed into his closet. He was hopeless. No way would he be able to dazzle The High Warlock of Brooklyn. 

"Simon, what am I going to wear?" Alec yelled, hoping Simon could lend a hand. Alec knew Simon was just as hopeless as him, but for some reason, Alec figured Simon would probably know what to wear to this interview. Simon did interview a lot of people, although none of them were near as popular as Magnus Bane. 

And, of course, Simon had to get the flu, making it to where Alec had to fill in for him.  _This, this is love_ , Alec thought as he sifted through his clothes one again. 

"You summoned?" Simon asked with his hoarse voice, a fluffy blanket wrapped around him in an embrace. Simon's nose was red and runny, his eyes sporting the same shade of red. 

Alec glanced at Simon, a frown etched into his face. "I'm absolutely hopeless. How could you make me do this? I'm bound to make a fool of myself for the schools paper."

Simon rolled his eyes. "You'll do fine, Alec. Let me help you find something to wear, okay?"

"But you're sick." Alec was secretly hoping Simon would wave away his concern and help anyways. 

Simon shrugged, his slight shoulders raising beneath the big blanket. "And you're hopeless. Come on, let your good friend help you."

"You can say best friend, you know," Alec replied, turning his gaze back to his closet. Almost everything in Alec's closet was black or brown- the sweaters used to be black, but faded over time- and all of them had holes. Alec wasn't big on shopping. 

"I know," Simon said, before joining Alec, and helping him search for a sweater.

"I don't know anything about him," Alec said. 

Simon shrugged. "I don't either. That's the point of the interview, Alec."

Alec scoffed. "That can't be the only reason for the interview."

"No, you're right. But it's the biggest reason for the interview. Now shut up and search."

"I have been searching! You're the one who's been binge watching Stranger Things, even though I specifically said  _not_ to."

Simon pouted, turning to look at Alec. His brown hair was hanging in lank, brown strips, and his face looked odd without his glasses on.  _That can't be good for his eyes_ , Alec thought for a moment. 

"You watch to slow," Simon complained. 

"Or maybe you watch to fast," Alec shot back.

"No, I don't."

Alec sighed. "Where are your glasses."

Simon looked back at the closet. "I didn't see the point in wearing them if I was going to constantly have to take them off to wipe my eyes."

"But you're going to get a headache."

"Only if I try to watch stuff without them. Don't worry, mom. Here, try this on."

Alec sighed, but grabbed the navy blue sweater from Simon's hand anyways.

 

 

The drive from West Warwick, Rhode Island to New York was almost three hours long. Alec was given permission to borrow his brothers truck, because Simon and Alec's van was the color of a rotten banana, black spots and all, and Alec knew that it would look unprofessional in the presence of one Magnus Bane. Even in the parking lot of Magnus' building, MB Enterprises, the van would stand out. 

Alec opened the windows, despite the truck's fabulous air conditioner, instead wanting to feel the wind whipping through his hair. 

Alec was nervous. He didn't  _do_ social things. Alec preferred to stay in with Simon, who would watch whatever on tv, and then would talk over the tv, annoying the shit out of Alec, but also making Alec feel good about not having any other friends- aside from his two siblings, of course.

Alec turned on the radio, letting the terrible music fill his ears and flow out of the window, before becoming silent against the hard wind. Alec sang with the music, but would never admit that to anyone. 

The drive seemed to fly by, the only interruptions when Alec had to stop at a light, or change the station. 

As Alec parked, he realized  _shit, this is happening._ He was about to have to interview one of the wealthiest men in America. Him. Alexander Gideon Lightwood, a literature student. A literature student with no social class at all. 

Alec was screwed. 

 

"Hello, I'm here to interview Mr. Bane," Alec said to the woman at the front desk. 

She had dark, chestnut hair, and sharp gray eyes. Alec thought that she was pretty, but Alec wasn't into girls. He'd always been attracted to guys- Jace in particular- and Alec could see a beautiful woman, but it didn't make his stomach turn into a bunch of butterflies or anything. 

"Simon Lewis?" She asked, her eyes running Alec up and down. 

Alec flushed and felt as if she was judging him. "Actually, Simon's sick, so I'm filling in for him. Is that okay?"

The woman shrugged. "I don't know. But you're pretty, so I don't think Mr. Bane will mind."

Alec got even redder, and looked down at his shoes. "I'm really not. Wait, why does it matter if I'm pretty?"

She smiled. "Mr. Bane likes pretty little things. You should see his art collection."

Alec felt anger pang in his chest. "I'm not a painting to be looked at. I'm a person. And I'm here to interview Mr. Bane, not to be looked at like I'm a piece of art in a museum."

Her lips parted in surprise, before she hid her reaction. "Just a moment. Your name, sir?"

Alec cleared his throat. He felt a little guilty for his outburst. But only a little. "Alec Lightwood."

She nodded, and picked up the phone. "Hello? Yes, Ragnor, this is Tessa. Magnus' one o'clock is here. Okay, thank you." 

Tessa looked at Alec, setting the phone back in its receiver. "Ragnor will be down to get you in a moment."

Alec nodded, and turned to go sit down before he thought better of it. "I'm sorry for getting upset."

Tessa smiled. "It's okay, Mr. Lightwood. I'm sorry for suggesting that you're only good for your looks. Please, sit down and make yourself comfortable."

Alec turned to go sit, placing his questions in his lap, and setting the recorder on top of the questions. Alec noticed that his hands were trembling slightly, and he balled them into fists, pushing them into his thighs. He was a grown man, and he would act as such. 

Alec took time to actually look at the building. Everything was glass, making it to where Alec could see the street of New York perfectly. It was teeming with life, people walking hand in hand down the sidewalks, cars and taxis filling up the street. Alec watched as two girls stopped in front of the building and shared a small kiss, before giggling and walk off hand in hand. 

"Not from here?" 

Tessa's voice snapped Alec back to reality, and he looked at her from his seat. 

"Is it that obvious?" He asked with a small chuckle. 

Tessa shrugged. "Only because I know a few people who aren't from here."

Alec glanced back outside, before turning his attention back on Tessa. "I'm from Rhode Island. It's crazy there, but not near as bad as it is here. But, I better get used to it."

"How come?"

Alec smiled at Tessa. "I'm gonna move here when I finish school this year."

Tessa nodded. "Ah. Are you going to have a roommate? The places are really expensive here."

"Yes. My best friend. Simon Lewis, actually. Him and I are moving here. And then when my two siblings finish  _their_ school, they're coming here as well."

"Mr. Lightwood?" 

Alec looked up, and a man was standing beside the front desk, leaning casually against it. The man- Ragnor, Alec guessed- had hair that was nearly white, but had a few streaks of black in it. He was dressed in a regular tuxedo, a black blazer, black slacks, black tie, and a white shirt. Alec looked down at his own navy blue sweater- with no holes- and felt underdressed. 

"That's me," Alec said, standing up, holding the questions and recorder tightly in his hand. Alec checked to make sure he had the pen clipped onto the portfolio with the questions, before he walked over to Ragnor. 

"Just this way," Ragnor said, spinning around. Ragnor's voice held a thick British accent, and Alec decided that he liked it. 

Alec glanced at Tessa, who was giving him an encouraging smile, before following Ragnor onto an elevator. 

When the doors closed, Ragnor pushed the button for the 21st floor- there was 50- before turning to Alec. Rangor's eyes were a vivid green, and Alec blinked heavily, before looking again to make sure he wasn't seeing things. 

"Mr. Lightwood, I want you to know that Mr. Bane likes to be called Magnus. And, he also doesn't like it when people waste his time. Magnus is a busy man, and he has a lot of meetings to attend."

Alec nodded. "Okay. I can do fast."

Ragnor squinted his eye dubiously. "Was that sarcasm? You American's are so tiring."

Alec shook his head. "Not sarcasm. I will not take up Mr. Ba- Magnus' time."

"Good. Magnus likes efficiency. Please don't blabber on and on either."

 _Good thing Simon's not here._ "I feel like I'm going have trouble getting one word out," Alec said, and then shut his mouth when he realized that he just told Ragnor that. 

But, thankfully, Ragnor just laughed. "I bet you're nervous. Don't be. Magnus is a good man, and he won't throw you out. And believe me, I doubt you'll be the first person to come in here and not be able to say something in his presence."

Alec nodded. "I wouldn't be surprised. He's very popular."

The doors dinged open, and Ragnor whirled around. Ragnor began walking, and Alec followed, at a much more subdued pace. 

"Mr. Lightwood, make sure he knows that you are not Mr. Lewis. I think he will be quite happy with the news."

Alec laughed. "I bet. Simon was probably heckling him into oblivion."

Ragnor nodded, but shushed Alec, knocking on a thick, opaque glass door. The overall aesthetic of the building was beautiful, all glass with silvers and whites. 

"Come in," a voice said from the other side of the door. 

Ragnor pushed the door open, and promptly walked away, not sparing Alec a glance or reassurance, and leaving Alec to make his way into the room alone. Alec sighed quietly, and walked into the room, not knowing whether or not to shut the door behind him. Alec decided to leave it open, and walked into the room. 

Alec, being the observant man that he was, didn't see the step up into the room, and fell sprawled on the floor. The recorder and portfolio went skidding away, right along with Alec's dignity. 

"Shit," Alec said quietly, putting his palms on the floor to push himself up. 

"I'm sorry, I always forget to warn people of the step."

Alec looked up, the voice closer than Alec expected it to be. 

All Alec saw were squeaky clean black dress shoes, and black slacks. 

"It's fine," Alec said, pushing himself onto his knees. 

Alec looked up, and felt himself get even redder than he already was. Magnus Bane was  _stunning._ He had black hair- in which there were dark red streaks- and piercing gold-green eyes. His skin was dark gold, and smooth, his features Asian. There was gold glitter dusted on his cheekbones, which sparkled and shone in the bright lights. Magnus' shirt was a dark red button up- the same color as his hair- and it defined his broad shoulders and strong arms. It was tucked into his black slacks, a black leather belt at his waist, and was covered by a black blazer. The first few buttons of the shirt were unbuttoned, showing off even more golden skin and a few black and silver necklaces. 

"Let me help you up," Magnus offered, putting out a ring laden hand. 

Alec gulped, and grabbed Magnus' hand, pushing himself up standing. Magnus' hand was warm, but his rings were cold, and the combination sent shivers down Alec's spine.

Magnus was taller than Alec- who was already freakishly tall at six foot- but only by a couple inches. Close up, Alec could see the dark green rings on the outside of Magnus' eyes, and the gold in the middle. 

"Thank you," Alec said, his voice a little breathless- which Alec blamed on his fall, not the fact that Magnus Bane was the most beautiful man Alec had ever seen. 

Magnus nodded, and dropped Alec's hand. "Come. We can begin."

Alec reached down to grab the portfolio and recorder, before realizing the pen that he had was gone.  _Damn it._ Alec was supposed to make small notes about Magnus- his personality, just some stuff that Alec noticed- and supposedly, that was supposed to help Simon write the paper. 

Magnus gestured for Alec to sit in a padded white chair, a glass table sitting in front of him, while Magnus took the seat across from him. There were dark red pencils in the middle of the table with the word 'BANE' printed on them. They were all sharpened to a point. 

"Need a pencil?" Magnus asked. 

Alec bit his lip, and looked down at his hands. Alec knew that his cheeks must've been bright red. "Yeah. The pen I had flew somewhere when I fell."

Alec was too scared to look up, but when a pencil appeared in his line of sight, he looked up at Magnus. 

Magnus smiled. "You're not the first person to fall, and you won't be the last. So, Mr. Lewis-"

"Actually, Simon- Mr. Lewis, I mean, is not here. I'm Alec Lightwood, I'm filling in for Simon."

Magnus reached out a hand. "Magnus Bane."

Alec shook his hand.  _Obviously._ "Nice to meet you."

"I"m sure that Ragnor has already scared you beyond belief, but please, you can call me Magnus. Don't worry about being nervous. I know me telling you not to be nervous isn't going to help, so please, by all means, be nervous."

Alec smiled. "Well, I'm doing good so far then."

Magnus chuckled. "Good to know. Need anything else?"

Alec opened his mouth to answer, but thought about it for a moment. "Actually I'm supposed to record this, so I'm just gonna turn that on."

Magnus nodded. "Go for it."

Alec looked down at the recorder, and pushed the turn on button. A red light indicated it was recording. Alec opened the question portfolio. 

"So, Magnus, why do you go by the High Warlock of Brooklyn?"

Magnus smiled. "If you didn't know, warlocks can preform magic. My friends all though that I had some sort of magic powers, being so good at what I do. So, when I started up my business, the nickname stuck."

Alec wrote down that Magnus actually had friends, and wasn't an ass like most billionaires. "Great. So, you're from Indonesia. Any particular reason you moved to America?"

Magnus' face darkened for a moment, before he neutralized his reaction. "I don't feel comfortable speaking about that. I will tell you that I was adopted when I moved to America, but that is a matter of public record."

Alec opened his mouth to say something, but just nodded. He wrote down that Magnus was sensitive about his past. "Okay. I'm sorry about intruding. So, this says- oh, you're bisexual?"

Magnus smiled, his face transforming. The smile looked only a little bit forced, and mostly amused. "I am."

Alec flushed; either because he'd asked the wrong question, or because Magnus looked beautiful when he smiled- straight white teeth- and his eyes seemed to shine. "That was not the question, I just didn't know that. The real question is: has you being bisexual affected your sales in any way?"

"Yes. In some areas for the better. I have done many things in helping the LGBTQ+ community get more rights. That does well, but it also doesn't because some people are homophobic, and take offense to that."

Alec nodded. "Yes, I can see how that might happen." Alec wrote down that Magnus fought for what he believed in, despite the consequences. 

"Some people buy from me because I am bisexual, though, even if it has nothing to do with the community. People like that I'm out and proud, and they think that I deserve their money."

"But you're not out for the money, are you?" Alec wasn't asking to be rude. He  _knew_ Magnus wasn't doing it for the money. It was written plainly on his face how proud he was. 

Magnus shook his head. "I am not, Alexander."

Alec stopped writing for a moment. "How'd you know my name is Alexander?"

"I didn't, but now I do. It was just a guess."

Alec went back to writing. "A good guess. So, a few more questions."

Magnus nodded. "Go for it."

"You're investing in funds for feeding the poor. Do you have a reason for that?"

"First off, people shouldn't ever have to go through being hungry. No one should. Second off, it's personal for me."

Alec looked at Magnus. "You know, I have a feeling you're not like most businessmen."

Magnus smiled. "And why do you say that?"

"I've not met most businessmen, but I have a feeling they wouldn't do things because of the good of their heart. They'd do it to get more money. You seem set on doing something because it's right."

Magnus nodded. "I don't think that there's enough right in the world."

Alec looked back down at his paper. "I agree. Do you have any hobbies of any sort, Magnus?"

Magnus smirked, and his gaze became hot, so Alec looked up into his eyes. They were intense, and Alec felt a blush spread onto his cheeks. "I'm into riding."

"Like horses?"

Magnus seemed to be holding in a laugh. His eyes were dancing with amusement. "Yes. Horses."

"Anything else?"

Magnus nodded. "I like to run, actually."

Alec's face pulled in disgust for a moment. "I hate running."

"But how do you stay in shape?"

Alec shrugged. "I don't know."

"I know of some things that'll give you a workout, and you won't even have to run. You will definitely get sweaty though."

Alec squinted his right eye dubiously. "I feel like you're taunting me."

"Giving you ideas."

"You haven't told me what you're talking about, so how am I getting any ideas?"

Magnus smirked. He put his hand over the recorder, effectively blocking out his response on it. "I'm talking about sex, Alexander."

Alec's face flamed, and he opened his mouth to reply, but closed it quickly. He opened it again. "That's- I'm, good, actually."

"No sex?"

Alec felt his face get impossibly warmer. "No. No sex."

Magnus shrugged, and pulled his hand off of the recorder. "Okay. Anything else."

Alec did actually have a few more questions, but his reactions to Magnus were scaring himself. Why was his stomach in knots? Why were his hands trembling slightly? "No. All done."

Magnus didn't seem to believe him, but nodded all the same. "I'll walk you out."

 

As Magnus walked Alec to the elevator, Alec noticed that rain started up outside, soaking the streets.  _Damn. No open windows for me._

"Are you from New York?" Magnus asked conversationally. Magnus pushed the button to go down. 

Alec shook his head. "No. I live in Rhode Island."

Magnus made a noise of surprise. "That far away?"

"Yeah. Simon really needed this interview. Although I have no clue as to why."

"Because I'm giving a speech at your schools graduation ceremony," Magnus replied. 

The elevator dinged open, and Alec glided in. Magnus did not follow. Magnus did, however, hold the door open. 

"That's good," Alec said. 

Magnus smiled. "It is. Goodbye, Alexander."

Magnus removed his hand, and as the doors closed, Alec looked into Magnus' eyes. "Goodbye, Magnus."

When the doors closed, Alec breathed a sigh of relief, and pushed the button for the 1st floor. Alec fell back against the wall of the elevator, holding the portfolio to his chest. 

That was when Alec realized he'd forgotten the recorder. 

"Damn it!" Alec swore loudly. He refused to go back up, though. Alec watched the number change slowly, and let his breathing slow down. 

Magnus Bane was fucking stunning, and Alec was fucking weak against Magnus' charms. 

The doors opened, and Alec quickly left the elevator, only stopping for a moment to tuck the portfolio beneath his sweater and wave goodbye to Tessa, before he was beneath the downpour outside. 

The rain was falling in heavy drops, soaking Alec's hair within seconds. Alec let the rain run down his face like tears for a moment, before he was running over to Jace's truck to get the hell out of New York. 


	2. Love Me Now, Or Let Me Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec goes to visit his siblings, and sees someone he hadn't planned on seeing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's chapter two! thank you soooo much for the love on chapter one! it was insane! 
> 
> so, a disclaimer: book malec looks! when i imagined this up a long time ago, they looked like they did in the books! 
> 
> another big thanks to tayvian. you're my favorite, thank you so much :)
> 
> enjoy, angels <3
> 
> -also, i made it to where alec & jace aren't all that close (at least not parabatai close) i'm sorry about that, but i've always seen jace to be really rude, actually. especially when clary shows up. and alec doesn't need that. so if you stan jalec, you may not like what i've done with their relationship. there is a lot of alec & izzy still.

Alec sat a bit uncomfortably in the passenger seat of the van. The cloth seats were lumpy, and springs stuck into your butt. Simon liked to say that it had character. 

Alec knew that the van was just about as old as him. So, no, not character. It was aged, and not well aged, like wine, but more like an apple, all gross and lumpy. 

"Are you excited?" Simon asked as he turned the key in the ignition and began driving. 

Alec rolled his eyes, and set his feet on the dash board. "I see my siblings at least once a week."

Simon nodded. "That you do. But, we're going out to a really nice restaurant. That's something, at least."

Alec shrugged. "Yes, but we might have to see my parents. I don't want to do that. There's a reason we moved from Providence, Simon. I haven't talked to them- gosh, it's been almost two years."

Simon sighed. "Alec, you're going to have to face them sooner or later. I know that they hurt you. That's why I moved with you. But, if you spend your life afraid of them, you're not going to be able to move on. Kinda like how Harry said Voldemort's name because he knew not to be scared of Voldemort-" 

"Thanks, Si. I got it," Alec said, cutting Simon off mid rant. Simon could go on and on about Harry Potter, or whatever it was called. Alec could care less. 

Simon smiled, before reaching forward to turn the radio on low, a background noise to their chatter. 

Alec played with his hands in his lap, his thoughts reaching all of the way to New York. Magnus Bane. One of the wealthiest men. Stunning. 

And Alec was fucking hung up on him. 

Magnus didn't even have to show any sort of attraction towards Alec, and Alec would've been hooked. But Magnus did; Alec had told Simon everything that Magnus said, and Simon classified it as flirting. 

Simon had been a little bit upset that Alec had forgotten the recorder, but when Alec admitted how uptight that he had been- not uncomfortable; Alec just felt as if he hadn't deserved the attention- Simon let it go, and used the notes Alec had written, and the answers Alec had remembered. 

Everything with the paper was fine. But Alec wasn't. His every waking thought was full of Magnus. When Alec dreamt, he saw gold-green eyes, full of lust and desire. Black hair wrapped around Alec's little finger. Gold skin clashing against his own pale skin. 

Magnus was a dream. He was walking sin; sexy, and dangerous. Everything Alec wanted but couldn't have. Everything Alec shouldn't want. 

It was like Alec falling in love with Ryan Gosling, or something. Alec didn't stand a chance. 

"Alec, you know, you can just go back. You can say that you need the recorder." Simon's voice snapped Alec out of his thoughts. How Simon knew exactly what was on Alec's mind, Alec would never know. 

Alec frowned, and watched his fingers tap on his thigh. "I can't. I like literally can't. I think that if I see him again, I might explode."

"You mean like, explode in your pants?"

Alec looked at Simon to see if he was picking, but Simon looked dead serious, his dark eyes without a spark beneath his brown glasses. Alec noticed that Simon's hair looked a bit more tamed than usual.  _Isabelle._ Simon had liked Alec's little sister since him and Simon had become friends in ninth grade. Isabelle was only two years younger than them, and had been beautiful since day one. 

Alec shrugged. "Maybe. No. Yes. Look, I don't know. But Simon- I don't know how to explain in. It was like I saw something in his eyes."

Simon nodded. "A good something?"

"Yes. There was a spark of some sort. Like, he lit me on fire with his eyes."

Simon thought for a moment, his eyes on the road, his teeth sunk into his bottom lip. "So he undressed you with his eyes?"

Alec sighed heavily. "No. It wasn't an undressing. His eyes were like a physical touch."

"I wish that you'd see him again. I bet he liked you."

Alec turned his head to the side, and watched the scenery pass by through the window. "I don't know, Si. But I do know that I probably won't see him again."

 

The ride to Providence was only about thirty minutes, and the whole trip, Alec had stared out of the window, while Simon sighed in various different octaves and lengths. He was trying to get Alec's attention, but Alec didn't want to give his attention. 

Alec missed his sister.

Isabelle, before Jace, had been Alec's best friend. If Izzy had a nightmare, she would go to Alec's room. They'd spend nights sneaking to each others room to whisper little secrets in the dark. 

And then when Jace was adopted into the family, it somehow brought everyone even closer. Alec and Izzy both had felt the need to protect Jace, despite Jace being stronger than the both of them. 

Jace looked nothing like the Lightwood's; gold hair, gold eyes. 

Isabelle and Alec were very obviously siblings, their only big difference the fact that Isabelle's eyes were black instead of blue. They both had the same straight, jet black hair, and pale skin. 

Sometimes, Alec and Isabelle had liked to pretend that they were twins, but no one had ever believed them. Alec had always been taller than Isabelle. 

Now, Alec was taller than both of his siblings, and his mom. 

Jace and Alec had been so close as kids, never leaving each others sides. And then Alec had met Simon, and him and Jace had lost some of their closeness, mostly because Jace refused to go anywhere near Simon, so Alec would go see Simon alone. Alec wasn't mad that Jace hated Simon; it wasn't Jace's fault that he couldn't deal with Simon. A lot of people couldn't. 

But Alec loved Simon, which meant that he would be by Simon's side. Because that's what best friends did. 

Simon used to have a best friend when he'd lived in New York as a kid- her name was Clary, Alec thought- but then Simon had moved, and he hadn't seen her again. For Simon, moving to New York after graduation wasn't just about supporting Alec, but also making connections to the place he used to live in. 

"We're here, Alec," Simon said quietly, breaking the silence that had settled in the car. 

Alec took a deep breath. "Let's go get my siblings."

Simon grabbed Alec's arm, keeping Alec from leaving the van. "Listen to me. You and I, we're a team. No matter what, I'm by your side, okay?"

Alec patted Simon's hand. "Always."

Simon ran his eyes over Alec one more time, before nodding, and releasing Alec's arm. They both hopped out of the car, and over to Alec's parent's front door. 

Alec let Simon ring the doorbell, even though Alec felt like a wimp doing it. Alec just couldn't bear possibly being face to face with his parents. It was too much. No matter how much Alec tried to forgive his father- his mother too, but she didn't hurt him as Robert had- he couldn't gather the  _want_ to forgive him. Alec felt like he  _had_ to forgive his father. 

The door opened, and Alec let out a huge sigh when he saw Jace standing there. Jace immediately rolled his eyes when he saw Simon, but his smile grew as soon as Alec stepped into view. 

"Hey, sexy!" Jace said, crushing Alec in a strong hug. 

Alec let himself be hugged, and held his brother back just as tight. No matter how many times they'd fought- over Simon, and over more trivial things- Alec and Jace could always find a comfort with each other, just like siblings should. Alec knew that in his own way, Jace still had a whole in his heart that he'd gotten when little Max Lightwood had been killed. Alec knew that. And Alec  _felt_ that. He really did. He missed Max. His little brother. The one that  _he_ should've been protecting. 

"Hey," Alec said into Jace's shoulder. 

Jace patted Alec on the back, before pulling away to look Alec up and down. "Been working out?"

Alec grinned. "Oh, yeah. Still training so I can kick your ass."

"Boys, boys! There's no need for that when I can kick both of your asses."

Alec smiled at Isabelle, and laughed when she launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck. 

"I missed you!" Isabelle said loudly, pulling away to kiss Alec sloppily on the cheek, just as she had as a child. Yet, Alec was sure she'd probably left a kissy mark on his cheek with her maroon lipstick. 

"I missed you too," Alec replied, wiping his cheek with his sleeve. Sure enough, dark red was on his sleeve. 

Alec was about to say something to her about it, when he heard a squeak come from Simon, and turn just in time to see Isabelle pulling away from his cheek, leaving her mark on him as well. 

"Let's go. I say we take Jace's truck," Isabelle said, skipping over to Jace's truck and getting in the passenger seat. Alec didn't know how she managed to  _skip_ in seven inch heels, but if anyone could do it, Isabelle could.

Jace walked over to the car as well, his golden hair flopping. 

Alec sighed, going to close the door, before grabbing Simon's arm and dragging him along with him. Alec stopped Simon for a moment, wiping the lipstick off of Simon's cheek, before opening the door and pushing Simon into the backseat, climbing in after him. 

 

"So, what's the name of this place?" Alec asked, his eyes tracking their movement in the traffic through the front windshield. 

Jace caught Alec's eyes in the mirror, and he winked, before turning his golden eyes back on the road. If Jace had done that a few years ago, Alec would've blushed as red as a tomato, and stuttered into oblivion. Now, he just rolled his eyes and looked away. 

"It's called Lime Light," Isabelle informed Alec, her eyes stuck to the phone in her hand. 

Alec nodded, and looked at Simon. Simon still had a hand on his cheek, but his face had went back to its natural color instead of the hot red it had been. Simon must've felt Alec's eyes on him, because he glanced at Alec. 

"You haven't spoken a single word," Alec said. 

Simon shrugged. "I'm feeling shy."

Alec rolled his eyes, and poked Simon on the nose. "That doesn't mean you stop talking. The only time I've ever heard you stop talking was...- y'know, I've actually never heard you not talking. Even when you were sick, you were talking. You even talk in your sleep. Which is terrifying."

"No I don't."

Alec nodded. "You do."

"While this conversation is very interesting, we're here," Jace said. 

Simon and Alec shared a glance, before all four of them were pouring out of the truck. 

Lime Light was a building made of stained wood, and glass doors. None of the windows had covers over them, so it seemed very open on the outside, and the inside. They pushed inside, and Alec was met with the strong smell of the grill, and chatter all around them. 

Jace walked them all over to the stand where the maitre d was standing. 

It was a charming looking man, who had blue eyes like Alec, and the same black hair, but his hair was curly. He had a handsome smile on his already beautiful face. 

"Hello, welcome to Lime Light," he said, smiling at each of them. He had a British accent, and lilt to his vowels, making them sound musical. Alec couldn't place it. 

Isabelle took charge. She smiled sweetly. "Hello."

"Reservation name?" 

Isabelle and Jace shared a nervous glance, but Alec spoke up. "Alec Lightwood."

The man nodded, and began walking them to where Alec presumed their seats would be. 

Isabelle fell in step with Alec, her heeled shoes clicking loudly on the marble floor. "How'd you get a reservation? You literally just asked for the name of the restaurant."

Alec smiled. "I already knew where we were going. I just like to keep you on your toes. And to make sure that before you take us somewhere, you check to see if you need a reservation."

Isabelle smirked, and sashayed forward, her tight red dress moving with her. 

The maitre d stopped at their table, and gestured with a hand for them to sit. Alec scooted into one side, while Jace scooted in on the other. Simon came to sit beside Alec, and Izzy sat beside Jace. 

"Your server will be right with you."

They all thanked him, before turning their attention to the menus in front of them. 

Alec bit his lip, and nudged Simon's shoulder. "Hey, scooch over. I have to go pee."

"I do too, actually," Simon replied as he moved out of the seat. 

Alec smiled at his sister and Jace before walking with Simon to the bathroom. 

"I don't see why your brother hates me," Simon said.

Alec sighed. "He doesn't hate you. I just think that Jace is threatened by you."

Simon squinted his eye dubiously. "Threatened? By me?"

Alec nodded, pushing into the bathroom. "Threatened by your boyish charm, and your ability to steal my heart."

"You make it sound like we're in love," Simon replied, coming in behind Alec. 

"Well, I don't know about you, but- Magnus?" Alec stopped short, and Simon's chest ran right into his back.

Magnus looked up from the sink and into the mirror, and he grinned when he saw Alec. 

Magnus, of course, looked fucking gorgeous. His black hair was piled onto his head, some strands falling into his eyes, and the tips of his hair were dark blue. There was dark blue glitter- the same as his hair- dusted on his cheek bones and around his eyes, which were covered with neat, black kohl. The gold in his eyes shone. 

Magnus was wearing a dark blue button down that had silver sparkles when it hit the light, with most of the buttons unbuttoned, only the bottom two still buttoned. His golden skin was on full display, and so were the long necklaces Magnus had on. His shirt was tucked into tight, black skinny jeans, which hugged his  _every single curve._ Alec's throat went dry. 

"Alexander!" Magnus said happily, spinning around so that Alec did have to check him out in a mirror and could do it with Magnus standing right there. 

Simon was looking over Alec's shoulder at Magnus, his mouth hanging open. 

Alec's whole body got hot, but his cheeks were burning hottest of all. "Mag-Magnus."

Magnus nodded. "Yes, I hoped you didn't forget me."

Alec shook his head. "I don't think that's possible."

Magnus grinned, and reached for Alec's hand. Instead of holding Alec's hand- he shook it? Alec looked down at their hands, and rolled his eyes. 

"Always the formal one."

Magnus' smile got even bigger, to where his eyes crinkled at the corner and his straight, white teeth were on full display. "And you're always the handsome one, Alexander."

Alec squinted his eye dubiously at Magnus. "You're kidding, right?" 

Magnus dropped Alec's hand. "Not at all. Who's this you have here?"

Alec remembers that he has Simon there, standing right behind him watching the scene go down with wide brown eyes. 

"This, is Simon Lewis. My best friend, and also the one who was supposed to interview you," Alec added. 

Magnus smiled, and held his hand out to Simon. "Is it rude to say that I'm glad he didn't?" 

Alec flushed, and ducked his head, hiding his dopey smile. 

"It is not. I would rather have Alec interview me then have me interview me. He talks a lot less, although he does blush a lot. It's almost like his face is glowing like he's Rudolph. But Rudolph is cute. So is Alec."

Magnus dropped Simon's hand, and glanced at Alec, as if to ask  _is this normal?_  

Alec rolled his eyes- his way of saying yes, he was used to that-, before looking back at Simon, who was red and had a hand over his mouth. "Thanks for that, Si."

Simon nodded. 

Magnus just looked at Alec. "I'm gonna have to go. Ragnor is waiting. But, you forgot the recorder."

"Yes I did. I didn't know if I could just show up, or if I had to call the building..."

Magnus shook his head. "Nonsense. I'll just give you my personal number and you can text me when you want to come get it. Here, give me your phone."

Alec put his hand to his back pocket to grab his phone. "You know, if you're planning on stealing a poor college boy's phone, that would be very bad etiquette."

Magnus rolled his eyes, and made a grabby motion with his open hand. Alec set his phone carefully in Magnus' palm, and Magnus went to work putting his number in. 

Alec looked at Simon, who had his eyes wide and was looking at Alec. Alec was just as surprised as Simon. 

"Here you go. I'll see you soon?"

Alec grabbed his phone back and nodded. "Yes. Hey, why are you in Providence?"

Magnus smiled. "I have some business here. And also, one of my good friends Will works here, and I like making him put me at my table."

Alec cracked a smile. "Rude."

Magnus shrugged, before kissing Alec on the cheek. His lips were soft, and they held fire in them. Magnus left his lips lingering for a moment, before pulling away a little bit, so his mouth was at Alec's ear. "Goodbye, Alexander. And, don't worry. I'll show you rude." 

And then, Alec felt a nip at his ear, and tried not to moan. 

Magnus pulled away all too soon, and immediately, Alec was begging for the closeness again. 

"Goodbye, Magnus," Alec said, his voice on the end of a breath. 

Magnus' smile was wide, and sent shivers down Alec's spine. 

"Sheldon," Magnus said, nodding at Simon, before exiting the bathroom. 

"Magnus Bane just called me Sheldon."

"Magnus Bane just gave me his phone number and bit my ear."

Simon nodded at Alec, his face surprisingly calm. "It seems as if my problems are actually problems and your problems are fucking goals people- including myself- strive to achieve."

Alec shook his head, dazed. The blush was still lingering in his cheeks, and it was Alec's turn to hold a hand to his cheek. "Magnus fucking Bane, just gave me his number and  _bit my ear._ I am so fucking screwed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!
> 
> of course, kudos & comments are welcome! 
> 
> i will try to update this as quickly as i can, but sometimes my schedule can be a bit crazy. 
> 
> -find me on twitter @salyersbaby to see the dumb mistakes i make while writing (they're really dumb)
> 
> all the love, angels <3
> 
> -also, episode 2x18??? i'm gonna need all of the fluff i can get. so, chapter three, i'm looking at you.


	3. I'm Too Young To Feel So Numb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec finally gets up the courage to text Magnus, and go to New York. And go on a helicopter ride with Magnus?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lots of fluff. lots and lots and lots of fluff. i'm in a lot of pain atm. awake, arise or be forever fallen literally ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped on it, before handing it off to bitchmille to be taken into her evil malec ruining lair. lol, also, there's a little bit of a sad alec. but only lil. and it'll be very fleeting. promise :)
> 
> so, enjoy this fluff, angels <3
> 
> btw, at the beginning there's talk of sex &/or masturbation. you've been warned. edit: lots of talk of sex. oops? no actual sex though. not yet.
> 
> btw #2, enter: bitchmille. but for a lil. then she exits (is thrown out)

Alec had made sure his schedule was busy with work at the local bookstore. He was already studying for finals, and had piled his work on top of that. 

All to avoid think about Magnus Bane. 

And guess what. It didn't fucking work. Not one bit. His plan had failed. 

Even if Alec had passed out from working so much (he hadn't, yet), he would still dream of Magnus. Of his soft, warm hands. How Magnus' lips would feel pressed against Alec's own. Or how Magnus' thick, black hair would tickle Alec's stomach as Magnus licked-

"Damnit," Alec groaned, pulling at his hair. 

He had innocent thoughts about Magnus. At first. Just Magnus holding his hand instead of shaking it. How cool Magnus' rings would feel wrapped around Alec's fingers. Magnus' fingers pushing into Alec's hair gently, massaging Alec's scalp, sometimes scratching his nails. 

And then, the became a lot sexier. 

Alec had never had sex. Had never even kissed anyone. He didn't know what it was like. 

But just being near Magnus made Alec think bad things. Things that made Alec's pants terribly tight, and his showers incredibly awkward for himself. And sometimes, very, very cold. Very cold showers, constantly. 

Alec thought that if he masturbated regularly, the urges to fuck Magnus would stop. But they didn't. If anything, they got stronger. Because Alec would imagine it was Magnus' hand wrapped around his dick instead of his own hand. 

Alec felt like a horny teen again. Was this a normal reaction to have of someone like Magnus? Someone who  _oozed_ sex, in his every move. Just thinking about fucking Magnus made Alec get a little bit hot. 

Normally, Alec would've taken a shower to get rid of his uncomfortable  _appendage_ , but at the moment, he was at work. In a bookstore. And he was  _thinking about sex._

Simon had noticed a change in Alec, because he'd finally stopped pressuring Alec to text Magnus about coming to New York. Because Alec would eventually text Magnus, but he wanted to do it when he had his shit together. Then, and only then, would he text Magnus about going to New York. 

But Alec had a feeling it would be a while. 

"Hello, can I have some help finding a book?"

Alec looked up, and rolled his eyes. "Iz, if you wanted to see me you should've texted me."

Isabelle smiled, and came to kiss her brother on his forehead. It was an easy feat, thanks to her probably eight inch black, strappy shoes. Her dress was black as well, but it was flowy, unlike most of her dresses. When she moved, it swayed with her. 

"I missed you, Alec. You've been working too much, and I've barely seen you!"

Alec shoved another book into the shelf, before turning and leaning back against it. "I FaceTimed you last night."

Isabelle sighed, and went to stand in front of Alec, holding tight to his shoulders. "You can't keep hiding behind work. If you don't want to text him so be it, but that doesn't mean you need to stretch yourself thin. Also, I was supposed to go out on a brother sister date with you, but you've been too busy. Makes me sad."

Alec sighed, and wrapped his arms around Isabelle, holding her to his chest. Alec supposed that he'd missed her too. "I know, Iz. It's just really confusing at the moment. I will make time for you, okay? We can go out on our date- do whatever you want. Even go shopping."

Isabelle gasped happily, and held Alec tighter. "I knew you were good for something!"

Alec chuckled, and kissed Izzy on top of the head, before releasing her. "I'll go see you next week. But first, I have books to shelf."

Isabelle nodded, and patted Alec's chest with a black nail polished tipped hand. "Text me, okay? I love you, Alec."

Alec gently guided Isabelle to the door. "I love you too. Now, go."

Isabelle sighed, but left anyways, the bell ringing after her departure. Alec sighed, and put his head into his hands. He would text Magnus today. He would do it. Because Alexander Gideon Lightwood did not stand down from a fight. Not at all.

 

"You know, looking at it won't text him," Simon said, plopping down on the couch beside Alec, jostling Alec so bad to where he almost dropped his phone on the hard wood floor. 

Alec sighed, and looked at Simon with jaded eyes. "I'm gonna kick your ass, Simon. Let me do this on my time. I don't know what to say."

Simon patted Alec on the thigh, and reached to grab the remote. Simon kicked his shoes off, and put his socked feet onto the coffee table, cuddling up against Alec. "Buddy. You're over thinking it."

"Yeah, like I'm the only one in this room that does that."

Simon nodded. "Exactly. Take it from a professional over thinker. You need to just text your man, and be done with it. Kind of like how I just had to text Isabelle about-"

"I don't want to know," Alec said, cutting Simon off. "Also, please, no stupid movies."

Simon scoffed, put a hand over his heart. "I take offense to that."

"Good."

"My movie choices are great. You're just mad that you can't pick movies as good as I can. Here, look we can watch this movie called Shadowhunters."

Alec squinted at the screen. "That's a tv show. Whatever- you know what, put it on. I need to text Magnus."

Simon clicked onto the show, putting it on the first episode of season one. "Yeah you do."

 

"What did you text him?" Simon asked, in the middle of a yawn. 

Alec glanced up at Simon. "I asked when he wasn't busy so I could come by New York to get the recorder."

"Well, what did he say?"

Alec looked back down at his phone. "He said he was free any time."

Simon made an odd noise in the back of his throat, before he was grabbing Alec's shoulders and shaking him. Alec had time to think that Simon would be a terrible father, before his phone buzzed again in his hand. 

"Oh shit," Alec said. 

Simon stopped shaking Alec, and looked down at Alec's phone. "Go on, open the message."

Alec took a deep breath, and slid over to open the message.  _Also, I can't wait to see you. You looked gorgeous back in Providence._ Alec made a choking noise in the back of his throat, reading the message once, twice, and three times, before he was looking at Simon. 

"Does that say what I think it says?" Alec asked. 

Simon looked up at Alec, and nodded mutely. 

Alec nodded to himself, before looking back down at his phone. "Magnus fucking Bane is hung up on me. I'm not the only one! Holy shit, Simon! I'm not the only one!"

Simon grinned. "Oh hell no you're not. When are you going? What are you going to reply?  _What are you gonna wear?_ Oh no, we need Isabelle. Now, we need Isabelle now."

Alec made a grumbling noise, and paused the show. "Fine."

Simon clapped his hands together, and drug Alec off of the couch, spewing ideas of what Isabelle was going to  _force_ Alec to wear. Alec just kept replaying the text in his mind. How had he gotten so lucky?

 

~~

 

Alec borrowed Jace's truck to go to New York again. It seemed even Jace was in on Alec going to New York, because Jace gave it up willingly. He had even given Alec gas money, and a pat on the back. 

Weird. 

Isabelle, on the other hand, wouldn't stop calling Alec while he was on his way. He would finally get her to hang up, and then his phone would start to ring again. Eventually, Alec answered, and pledged it would be his last time. 

"Isabelle, I am five minutes closer to New York than I was the last time you called me."

Isabelle giggled on the other side of the phone, which was connected to the trucks bluetooth. "What do you think he's going to where? What do you think he's going to do? Are you going to kiss him?"

Alec sighed. She'd asked him the exact same question five minutes ago. "I don't know. I don't know. And, another,  _I don't know_. But I don't plan on kissing someone I barely know."

Isabelle groaned, and Alec knew that she was pouting "You're no fun. Are you going to see him at his office or at his house?"

Alec drummed his fingers on the steering wheel nervously. "Just his office. But we're going to do something after."

"Do what?"

Alec chuckled. "I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?" Isabelle asked, her voice whiney as if she was a child who'd been told no cookie. 

"I mean it's a surprise. But I do hope that it's fun. I  _really_ hope it is. Because if he's busy having fun doing something he won't notice how socially awkward I am, and then want to never talk to me again." 

And there it was. What Alec was most afraid of. Magnus realizing he was too good for Alec. 

Alec felt like a weight was lifted off of his chest when he finally admitted it. He'd been freaking out about it ever since Magnus said that they could meet up, but Alec refused to tell that to anyone. 

And Alec knew that was the point of Izzy's calls. To get Alec to fess up.

"Oh, Alec. Why don't you know that you're amazing?"

Alec sighed, an uncomfortable feeling bubbling in his stomach. He felt his eyes watering, and looked at the sun, trying to keep the tears in despite the burn. "Because, Izzy. I've never been told that I'm amazing. Never."

Alec heard Isabelle's sad sigh, and he knew that she was probably crying, or devising a plan (that would involve Jace) to kick their parents ass. Ever since Max was born, and turned out to be  _really_ smart- just like Jace and Izzy- Alec had been pressured and pressured, until he finally snapped. When he was fifteen, he'd come out to his parents. He couldn't do it anymore; couldn't hide. 

His parents had forced him out of the house, and Alec had to move in with their family friend Hodge. It sucked. It really, really sucked. 

And then, Max almost died. He'd fallen trying to reach a book at the top shelf, and he'd hit his head on the corner of a table. Alec had to yell and scream at his parents- with Isabelle and Jace's help- just to be able to see Max in the hospital. 

"Well, now you are being told. I love you, Alec. You're an amazing big brother, and an amazing best friend. And you're going to make an even better editor. But, Alec, promise me that you'll try to have fun."

"I will, Izzy. I'll try. I love you too." And Alec would try to have fun, because he wouldn't let Magnus go without a fight.

Isabelle hung up, leaving Alec to drive without her voice constantly taking his mind off of where he was going. 

And who he was seeing.

 

MB Enterprises looked the same as it had the first time Alec had drove to it. Tall and intimidating. Now that Alec knew a few of the people who worked in the building, he almost wanted to say that when he walked in he didn't feel nervous. 

But that would be a lie.

His stomach had become alive with butterflies, and his cheeks were full of roses. He probably looked like a mess. Yet, when Tessa saw him as he walked in, the smile that lit her face was so bright and genuine, Alec knew he must've looked like a  _hot_ mess. Or something along those lines, at least. 

"If it isn't Alec Lightwood!" Tessa said brightly, the person who was standing in front of her glancing over at Alec with something like annoyance coloring his features. 

Alec smirked, and approached the desk. "Hi, Tessa. You look beautiful."

She did, of course, look beautiful. Her brown hair was in big curls, half of it pulled back into a messy bun with a braid circling it. Her gray eyes were calm and even happy. Her face held a bit of color in it, as if she'd been in the sun recently. 

"Thank you, Alec. You don't look too bad yourself."

Alec was wearing a blue t-shirt that fit his body well, showing off the muscles that he had instead of himself drowning underneath a sweater, and his black pants hugged his legs tightly. He'd even combed through his black hair- although, admittedly, it hadn't done much for him.

"Thanks, Tessa. So, I'm here-"

"To see Magnus, yes I know. I was told to send you straight up."

Alec nodded, but the man beside him made a noncommittal noise. "But- he just got here!"

Tessa glared at the man. "And he's going straight up."

Alec bit his lip, before shrugging at the man. "I'm sorry, sir. Just- if you're planning on having a meeting with Mr. Bane, remember this: always take up a lot of his time- he has it to spare- and never  _ever_ call him Magnus. Ever."

The man's lips parted in surprise, while Tessa just rolled her eyes. When Alec had first been escorted, he'd been told to do the exact opposite, but the man didn't need to know that. 

Alec winked at Tessa, before smiling at the man. "Sorry, I have to go speak to Mr. Bane. We're planning on playing Monopoly."

"You're not here on business?" The man asked. His tone suggested that this revelation was considered unfair to him. 

Alec nodded. "Didn't you hear me? We're playing Monopoly."

The man looked at Alec- more like studied him- trying to see if Alec was kidding or not. 

"Bye!" Alec said, walking away to hop on the elevator. 

He had to have fun somehow, and scaring new comers was a way to do that. That guy was also a douche nozzle, so there was that. 

Alec pushed the button for the floor Magnus' office was on, and played with his hands as he waited. This ride was so much more nerve racking without Ragnor there. But Alec was also excited. He'd really been wanting to see Magnus, and this was his way of doing it. Even if he had to drive all of the way to New York just to do it. 

The door dinged open, and Alec stepped out of the elevator, and into the marble lobby. It seemed a lot calmer now than it had the first time Alec was there, and Alec suspected it had something to do with the fact that it was almost closing time and Magnus had probably cancelled all of his meetings to be with Alec. 

The thought was honoring. 

Alec knocked on Magnus' thick door, and waited for a reply. 

There was a laugh on the other side, before a "come in!" was heard. 

Alec stepped in, and stopped short. There was a woman in there and she was sitting on Magnus' glass table, and her feet were resting in Magnus' lap. Magnus on the other hand, was sitting back in his chair, but he didn't seem to look uncomfortable. He just looked normal, like he'd seen this girl very often. 

She had long, blonde hair, that went down to the middle of her belly and was straight but not flat. Her eyes were a piercing green, that Alec could see all of the way from across the room. Her skin was pale, and her lips were blood red. 

"Alexander!" Magnus said happily, pushing the woman's feet from his lap, and standing to give Alec a hug. 

Alec stepped further in the room to hug Magnus, and flushed when he heard Magnus' little inhale to breath in his cologne. 

"Hi, Magnus," Alec replied, pulling out of the hug. 

Magnus, as always, looked gorgeous in a  _suit_. The pants were black, as was the jacket- which pulled tight against his arms- and he had on a white button up. That was about the only things that were normal in his ensemble. He had a  _gold_ tie- Alec didn't even know that existed!- looped around his neck, and the tips of his dark hair were dyed a golden blonde. 

There was gold glitter dusted on his cheekbones, which brought out the gold in his complexion, and in his eyes. There was a little bit of black kohl around Magnus' eyes, but not as much as usual. 

Alec was probably gaping at Magnus, but Magnus looked appreciative, his eyes following the lines of Alec's body once, before starting back up at the top and going down again. 

If Magnus' eyes could set him on fire, Alec would willingly burn. 

"This is my friend Camille," Magnus said, sparing only a second glance for the woman, before turning his gold-green eyes back to Alec. 

Alec waved lamely. "Hi."

Camille grinned- and Alec  _knew_ that she was a heartbreaker. Alec just hoped that she hadn't broken Magnus' heart. "Hello, there, pretty one. Magnus, you didn't tell me about Alexander."

Alec cringed when she used his full name. He'd hated it for most of his life- that was, until Magnus started using it, of course. 

"That's because I haven't talked to you in weeks," Magnus replied. 

Camille shrugged, and hopped off of the table. "Not my fault, darling. My number is in your phone."

"Yes, and there's a reason I haven't used it," Magnus snapped, obviously losing patience. 

Alec bit his lip to stifle a laugh. Camille looked murderous, before schooling her features into a careful mask. "I guess I'll go."

She walked past them, and patted Magnus on the chest. Magnus stiffened, and she seemed to revel in his reaction. 

Alec was confused. Why was Magnus acting so nervous when she touched his chest, but her feet had literally just been resting in his lap about a minute before. Maybe Magnus was afraid to make Alec uncomfortable?

"Bye boys," Camille said, as she sauntered from the room, her hips swinging as she walked. 

Alec rolled his eyes, and as soon as she closed the door, he threw an accusing glance at Magnus. "Why was she here?"

Magnus seemed to deflate, and he unbuttoned his jacket, pulling it off of his shoulders and throwing it on the glass table. "I don't know. She just showed up. I haven't spoken to her in years." And then he moved away, mumbling something about contracts. 

"So, the recorder?" Alec asked, still feeling the sting of jealousy deep in his chest. 

Magnus opened up one of his drawers, and Alec saw what looked like a plastic ring, sitting on a bunch of papers, before Magnus was smirking and pushing it out of the way to grab the little black recorder. "Here you go."

Alec grabbed it, and his fingers brushed Magnus'. Tingles shot up Alec's arm, and he knew that his face must of been positively  _red_. "Thank you. So... You said that you have a surprise?"

Magnus smiled, and nodded. He put his phone in his pocket quickly, and threw his jacket back on. Magnus reached for Alec's hand, interlacing their fingers. The cold rings on Magnus' hand seemed to burn into Alec's warm hand, and Alec's entire focus was on their hands. Magnus' touch sent Alec's world in a tailspin, even if it was just as trivial as their hands. 

"Let's go," Magnus said, pulling Alec along with him. 

 

Magnus pushed the button to go to the very top of the building, and Alec was nervous to see what was up there. Maybe this was all a ploy, and Magnus would leave Alec up there. 

Not possible. 

They went up the first few floors in silence, their hands still clasped between them. Alec tapped his foot on the floor- a nervous habit he didn't even notice that he had. 

Magnus took a deep breath. "Fuck it," he said, pushing the breath out, and spinning Alec around to push him against the elevator wall. 

Magnus' mouth was hot on his. Alec's mouth was burning. He was aflame with passion. Alec wrapped his free hand around Magnus' bicep, but Magnus dropped Alec's hand, before pushing both of his hand above his head and onto the wall. 

"No touching," Magnus said against Alec's mouth, before diving in again. 

Alec opened his mouth when he felt Magnus' tongue run against the seam of his lips. Alec moaned quietly when he felt Magnus' tongue have free reign over his mouth. 

Alec strained against Magnus, arching his back up so that their crotches touched deliciously. 

Magnus moaned at that- and Alec felt pride well up behind his sternum. Him, Alec Lightwood, had just made Magnus Bane moan. It wasn't a lot, but at the same time, it was so much. 

Magnus was the one to move against Alec this time, grinding against him and making Alec bite down on Magnus' bottom lip to keep from being too loud. 

Magnus pulled away, his face flushed, his lips plump and red. He was breathing heavily, his breaths harsh. "God, the things you do to me, Alexander. I can't wait to see you all tied up."

Alec pushed out a whimper. " _Magnus_."

Magnus smiled, and licked at Alec's ear, before biting down on it gently. "Not today, Alexander. I can't have you the way I want you."

"How do you know if you never ask?"

Magnus let go of Alec's arms, and stepped back, out of Alec's reach. "Oh, I know you do. I can see it. But I'm not going to ask. Not yet, baby. But you just wait."

Alec flushed at the pet name, before looking down and biting his lip.  _What did he mean, tied up?_

 

You could say that Alec was surprised to see a fucking helicopter when he stepped out of the elevator and onto the roof. There was loose gravel beneath Alec's feet, moving with him. 

"So. You have a  _fucking helicopter_ ?" Alec asked. 

Magnus grinned, his face illuminated by the setting sun. "I do have a fucking helicopter. You know, I don't think I've ever heard you cuss before."

Alec flushed. "Is that- do you not want me to?"

Magnus pushed a piece of Alec's black hair out of his eye and leaned into Alec, to where his breath was at Alec's ear. "Alexander, soon, all you'll be able to say is _fuck me."_

Alec's mouth popped open into a big O. What was he supposed to say to that? Alec did what any normal person would do: pretended to be his sister. Alec leaned forward, his lips touching Magnus' but not kissing him.  _"Fuck me."_ Alec pulled away, and smiled victoriously at the surprised expression that Magnus was wearing at the moment. 

"Let's fly, shall we?" Alec asked. 

Magnus nodded, bitting on his lip viciously. "Here, give me a second to do something."

Magnus walked off and started talk to a short man with curly black hair and dark, gold skin. He had a bored expression on his face, but with the way his dark eyes did a once over on Magnus to make sure that he was in pristine condition showed that him and Magnus were close. The man nodded, and Magnus smiled at him, saying something that made the man smack Magnus in the back of the head. 

Alec laughed into the wind, letting his voice carry over the edge of the building and tumble off. 

Magnus glanced back at Alec with a small smile. "Come!" Magnus motioned for Alec to walk over to him, and Alec did just that, his hands in his pockets. Magnus grabbed Alec's hand, and pulled him over to the helicopter. "Let's fly."

 

Alec sat in the seat on the left, getting up with the help of Magnus who was already in the pilots seat. Alec went to buckle himself in, but Magnus smacked away his hands. 

"Allow me," Magnus said, smiling at the flush that stole its way into Alec's cheeks. Magnus ran his hands down Alec's chest as he clipped in the belt that strapped across his chest, feigning innocence. Magnus did the same thing with the other across the shoulder, letting the tips of his fingers find their way along Alec's chest. And then there was a strap that buckled right in front of Alec's dick. Alec bit his lip, letting Magnus grab the belt from behind him and fit it over his head. Magnus ran his fingers down Alec's chest, but when he got to the buckle, his didn't let his fingers wander. Magnus grabbed the buckle that had three belts attached to it, and shook it to make sure nothing would fall out. Magnus looked up at Alec, his gold-green eyes soft in the waining light. "No escaping now."

Magnus sat bat in his seat to put his own buckles on, leaving Alec to stare after him with a red face. Magnus ignored the fact that Alec's mouth was literally  _hanging open_ , because  _how could the brush of a finger make my entire body glow from the inside out?_ "Here, put these on. I'll be able to talk to you, and you'll be able to talk to me." 

Alec snapped his mouth closed, and mutely put on the headphones- which Alec noticed had a little microphone, like the ones at drive throughs. At first, Alec heard a quiet white noise in the depths of the headphones, but after Magnus pressed a button, he could hear another voice speaking though. 

"Wade Wilson, coming at you. Ready for take off." Magnus said, pressing in a bunch of buttons. 

"Take off is a go. Careful up there."

Magnus smirked, as he pulled them off of the ground. "I always am."

Alec wanted to ask if Magnus' helicopter was named  _Wade Wilson_ , because Magnus did not look like the Deadpool type, but then they started flying, and the words dried up in Alec's mouth. 

Alec gasped, and pushed his face up against the glass. "Magnus, it's so beautiful!"

The sun had begun to set, and was falling further and further down the sky, turning the sky into a mess of reds and golds and pinks, making it look like the sky was aflame. The glass on the buildings sparked against the sun, and Alec was breathless, because everything was on fire. 

"I know," Magnus said, his voice oddly soft. 

Alec didn't turn around, but he looked at Magnus in the reflection of the window, and was surprised to see Magnus looking at  _him_. 

"Magnus, I don't know- this is so hard to describe! Everything looks like it's on fire."

Magnus laughed into the microphone, the sound giving Alec immense pleasure. "I know. Weird to think that it's all because of the sun."

Alec let his fingers rest on the glass of the window, his blue eyes focused on the buildings they were flying over. "God, Magnus, why did you wait so long to show me this?"

Magnus scoffed. "Why did you take so long to text me?"

Alec laughed, and turned to look at Magnus. Alec was breathless, caught in the beauty of Magnus. His skin was  _drenched_ in red, his face illuminated by the setting sun. The red from the sun tumbled into Magnus' eyes and found a spark, lighting them up with fire that Alec knew was there, but had never had the pleasure of seeing first hand. 

Alec was  _so screwed._

 

"This is my building. Let me unbuckle you," Magnus said, taking off his headset and quickly unbuckling himself. 

Alec wouldn't say no to letting Magnus have his way with him, even if it was just to unbuckle his straps. "Okay."

Alec removed his own headset, handing it carefully to Magnus, as if it was precious china. Magnus chuckled and shook his head, throwing the headsets on the little dash that held all of the confusing buttons, before turning his attention to Alec. 

Magnus' fingers were calm as they swiftly unbuckled Alec, but Alec could feel Magnus' gold-paint-tipped nails scratching their way up his chest, even if the touch was fleeting. It still sent shivers down Alec's spine. 

"All done," Magnus said, patting Alec's chest, unaware of the effect his touch had. 

Alec nodded. "All done," he echoed weakly. How he would survive a night at Magnus' house without combusting, he didn't know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oopsie daisie, bit of a cliff hanger, but the next sentence right down there clears that up. :)
> 
> so, next chapter will begin the smut. i'm pumped. are you pumped? 'cause i am. 
> 
> if you didn't read my tags (shame on you), let me tell you here: magnus doesn't liked to be touched. yes, that is a fsog thing. i am not sorry.  
> of course, alec's gonna make it all better. soon.
> 
> as always, kudos & comments are welcome <3
> 
> -find me on twitter @salyersbaby, where we can avoid talking about malec for as long as possible (about two hours, i'm thinking.)
> 
> all the love, angels <3


	4. Show Me That You're Here, My Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus takes care of Alec, in many, many ways. 
> 
> Alec is confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: explicit sexual content. no BDSM. yet. 
> 
> thanks for all of the love! y'all are the best! i'm really glad this idea is finally coming to life, and people are actually reading it. 
> 
> so this chapter is the one where magnus not liked being touch comes more into play. it's also the chapter when alec decides if he's ready for this. 
> 
> like i said, magnus is not a creepy ass stalker dude. but he does have some rules. 
> 
> anywhoo, enjoy, angels <3

Magnus' loft was beautiful. But of course it was. 

Alec was taken into an elevator- this time with no kissing- before being pulled into a beautiful penthouse. It looked nothing like Alec had expected; glass, with silver appliances, everything super modern. 

It was modern, of course, but it wasn't all glass. The walls were painted a dark red, almost to the point of maroon. Bookshelves lined the walls, all of them neatly stocked with books- most of them being textbooks of some sort. The floors were dark wood, and looked very expensive. There was a huge balcony, that had a dark brown love seat and a few other little chairs and tables. The whole place smelled like vanilla, and Alec felt immediately at home.

"It's beautiful," Alec said, his eyes trailing the books. 

Magnus smiled, and his face lit up. Alec could admit that nothing in the entire world could beat that smile. "Thank you, darling. Want anything to drink?"

Alec shrugged. "I don't know. Are you going to drink something?"

Magnus nodded. and gestured for Alec to follow him. They entered into the kitchen, which  _was_ modernized, silver appliances, and a large silver fridge. The countertops were a swirl of black and white marble, and the cabinets were the same dark wood as the floor. They kept walking, until they hit the dining room, that had a large black table that seated eight. Magnus veered left, and they were in the living room, which had three dark leather sofas, and two reclining chairs. There was a tv connected to the wall, and Alec had to stop for a moment. 

"Your tv looks like the screen at a movie theater," Alec said, looking at the flat screen with wide eyes. 

Magnus rolled his eyes. "It's not that big. Not the biggest thing in the house, if you know what I mean."

Alec shook his head, and followed Magnus over to a bar.  _A bar_. "I do not know what you mean. Magnus, exactly how rich are you? You have a  _bar_ in your home."

It was stocked with all kinds of alcohol- that Alec had never drank- and different glasses, all of them inscripted with a small MB, as if Magnus had had them made specially for him. 

"It's not that big of a deal. I like to drink, what can I say? And, I am very rich. Anyways, want anything in particular?"

Alec flushed, ducking his head to hide it. He moved to sit on a bar stool. Magnus swiftly reached over the bar and tilted Alec's chin up so he could look at Alec's face. Magnus' fingers on Alec's chin made Alec's face get even redder. 

"I've never drank before," Alec admitted. 

Magnus carefully took his hand off of Alec's chin, and squinted an eye at him to see if he was kidding. When he decided that he wasn't, his face morphed into surprise. "Never drank?"

Alec shook his head. "No. I don't see the point in it. And my siblings drink enough for me."

"I would like to meet these siblings of yours," Magnus replied, turning around to grab various bottles of things that Alec didn't care to know. 

Alec tapped his fingers on the black bar. "I don't know. You might like them more than me. They're both really good looking."

Magnus scoffed, and turned around, shaking something up in a silver shaker. "I don't know if you've noticed, but so are you."

"I've never thought so."

Magnus' eyes softened, and he set down the shaker. "Who hurt you? Made you feel lesser?"

Alec's mouth popped open. How had Magnus known that someone had hurt him? What if Alec was just really unconfident. "I don't really- talking about it hurts, you know? I just- I don't want to ruin our time together."

Magnus nodded, and picked the shaker back up, continuing on what he was doing. His eyes were still concerned, but he had a small smile on his face. "Just remember, Alexander, everyone has their demons. But it's other people who help us defeat them."

"So you have demons?"

Magnus' face morphed, closing off. Seemed as if Magnus didn't like talking about his past either. "Like I said, everyone has their demons. Some might even say I'm part demon myself."

"Well you are called the High Warlock. Warlocks are part demon," Alec replied, trying to lighten the mood. 

It worked, because Magnus smiled, and it wasn't forced. "You're a Nephilim. Bet you don't know what that is."

Alec smirked. "Half angel, half human."

Magnus looked impressed, his eyebrows risen. 

"Simon forced me to watch this show Shadowhunters, and oddly enough, I kinda payed attention."

Magnus nodded, pouring his concoction into two cocktail glasses. He grabbed a lime, and sliced it quickly and efficiently, before putting two slices on the sides of the glasses. "I've read the books that that show is based off of."

Magnus came to sit on a barstool beside Alec, giving him the drink. Alec looked at the pink mixture, before leaning forward to smell it. It smelled like alcohol, but Alec could faintly smell cranberrys and lime. Alec gave it a small sip, and coughed as it burned its way down his throat. The aftertaste made it a little bit better, although it still wasn't Alec's favorite thing in the world. 

Alec looked at Magnus, who was looking at Alec with a naked desire in his eyes. Now, Alec felt that Magnus had undressed him with his eyes. Alec was surprised to find that he liked that. 

"Do you like it?" Magnus asked, his voice only a hint rough. 

Alec cracked a smile, trying to dissipate the tension building between them. "Not at all."

Magnus took a sip of his drink, his eyes never leaving Alec's. Alec had known that Magnus had beautiful eyes, but in the romantic light of the room, his eyes looked softer, although there was definitely a fire burning in them. 

Alec felt his face flush on its own accord, and he turned away to take another sip of his drink. He couldn't look at Magnus for a minute without wanting to curl in a ball. His damn cheeks! Always blushing. Alec thought that Magnus would think him childish because of the blush. 

"That blush is so intoxicating," Magnus said. 

Alec felt his face warm even more, but he felt a burn of something else, down in his chest. It was a good burn, something like excitement, because the one thing that Alec had expected Magnus to hate most about him, made Magnus feel  _intoxicated_. 

Alec let his brain turn off, instead just using his mouth. "Maybe that's the alcohol."

Magnus set the drink down on the table, and crossed his hands in his lap. "Alcohol doesn't do this to me."

"Do what?"

Magnus grinned, as if he was hoping that would've been Alec's reply. "Turn me on. That's all you."

Alec let himself gape openly at Magnus for a moment, before he closed his mouth and swallowed thickly. "Magnus, you don't know how much I want you. But, I can't have you."

Magnus' eyebrows drew together, and his smile dropped. "Why do you say that?"

Alec took a deep breath. And here it was. The reason that Magnus would kick him out. "I'm a virgin. I've never done anything before. You- you're my first kiss, even. I don't want to do it, because I know I won't be able to pleasure you."

Magnus' face was unreadable. His mouth was closed in a tight line, and his eyes were dancing with something that Alec couldn't read. Alec was ready for Magnus to kick him out. But he wasn't ready for what Magnus did. "I don't care."

Alec inhaled too quickly, a choked on his spit. Alec coughed, and he knew his face was probably bright red. "You said what?" His voice was still rough, and Alec had to cough one more time before he could breathe normally again. 

"I said I don't care. Alexander, I have things about myself that I haven't told you. But I'm gonna tell you this: if you want this, I'm willing to do it with you."

Alec bit his lip. Was  _he_ willing? Did  _he_ want this? It wasn't up to Magnus, although, it was a little bit. But this would be Alec's first time having sex ever. Was he willing to give Magnus, a man he barely knew, something that he could never get back. Alec let himself think; about how he felt about Magnus, or how he would feel after. 

Alec thought about the sparks that he felt every time him and Magnus touched. He thought about how his insides turned to goo when he saw Magnus' eyes trained on  _him_. 

"I want to."

Alec barely had time to prepare himself before Magnus was kissing him, his mouth hot and demanding. Alec gave in, letting himself fall into the willing arms of Magnus. Alec was about to wrap his arms around Magnus, when he remembered: No touching. 

How was he supposed to do this  _without touching?_ Was he just supposed to let Magnus do everything? 

Alec's thoughts were cut off when Magnus pulled away. "Alec, what is it?"

Alec shook his head. "Nothing."

Magnus put a hand on Alec's cheek, his palm warm. "I can tell that you're lying. What is it?"

Alec pushed out a breath, and stepped out of Magnus' embrace. Magnus seemed to deflate, his arms falling to his side. "I don't know if I can do this without touching you. I want to  _feel_ you. All of you."

"I have rules, Alec. They're there for a reason."

Alec sighed, running his hands through his hair. He felt frustration bubble up in his throat. "What do you mean, rules? Magnus, I can't do this! You're confusing me, and I just- I don't know what to do! I want to touch you! I want to be with you! Not just be a plaything."

Hurt flashed through Magnus' eyes, but he made quick work of hiding it. "You're not a plaything. My no touching rule is for a reason, and I don't need to explain it."

Alec was tired of this. He didn't want to play a cat and mouse game with Magnus. "Fine. Don't explain it. You can spend the rest of your night alone."

Magnus sighed, and Alec could tell that the next words he was about to say were going to be painful for Magnus. "I can't stand being touched. I'm terrified of it. Are you happy now?"

Alec wasn't happy. He wasn't expecting Magnus to be afraid of being touched. Alec reached out his hand, letting it hover over Magnus' face for a second, before he set his palm gently on Magnus' cheek. Magnus flinched, but didn't move away. His body was stiff with tension. Alec didn't trail fingers over Magnus' face. He didn't move his hand. He just let it sit there, let Magnus get used to the feeling of his hand. "This is all I want. I want to show you how much you mean to me too, Magnus."

Magnus closed his eyes against Alec's words, as if they pained him. "I have scars. On my chest, and my back. You can't touch me there. You can touch my arms and my legs. That's it. Please, Alec. Just do that."

Alec nodded. "I can do that. I just- I want you to feel good too."

Magnus smiled, although his eyes were still a little bit sad. "I will. Because it's you. But we need to have a serious talk tomorrow. First, grab my hand."

Alec did just that, and followed Magnus through the penthouse. They stopped in front of a door, and Magnus turned around looking at Alec. Magnus cupped Alec's chin, and leaned in. Alec thought that Magnus was going in for a kiss, but Magnus put his mouth at Alec's ear. "Your wish is my command, baby. Time for me to fuck you."

Alec didn't have time to reply, before Magnus was pulling Alec into the room, which had a wall made of glass on one side- and a balcony, of course- to where you could see the city below. The other walls were painted the same dark red as the rest of the house. There were a few bright paintings Alec could make out in the dark room, but he couldn't tell what exactly they were. The only light in the room came from the outside; the moon, and the lights that were littering the streets below. 

Magnus pulled Alec into a bruising kiss, pushing Alec's mouth open with his tongue. Alec's body was reacting in its own way, his hips pushing against Magnus' to touch their clothed erections, moans spilling from his lips and getting eaten by Magnus' own mouth. 

Magnus' hands didn't stray from Alec's waist, just as Alec's didn't stray from Magnus' biceps. Alec wouldn't push Magnus further than he could go. That would be horribly unfair. 

Too soon, did Magnus pull away from the kiss, but luckily for Alec, he began to work on Alec's neck. Magnus licked on Alec's neck, his tongue making Alec shiver, before biting down gently. Alec moaned quietly, his voice a gasp in the abyss. Magnus placed an open mouth kiss on the spot that he bit, soothing it, before doing the same thing to other parts on Alec's neck. 

Alec's dick wasn't getting the attention it deserved, so Alec grinded against Magnus shamelessly. Magnus smiled against Alec's neck. "Excited, are we?"

"You said you were gonna fuck me, so  _do it_."

Magnus chuckled. "That I did." Magnus pushed Alec away gently, but didn't stop touching Alec. Magnus worked his hands under Alec's shirt, pulling it up with his wrists while sliding his palms up Alec's chest. Magnus' hands raised goosebumps wherever they went. 

Alec put his arms over his head, and his shirt was off. Magnus unbuttoned his own shirt- his jacket already discarded-, and Alec was speechless. There were burns on Magnus' chest- as if from a cigarette. That wasn't what made the words dry up in Alec's throat, though. Magnus' body was  _beautiful_. He had a defined stomach, his arms were strong. His nipples looked like dark chocolate. 

"Magnus, good Lord."

Magnus froze for a moment. 

Alec shook his head. "You're so beautiful.  _So beautiful_."

Magnus threw his shirt on the floor, before claiming Alec's mouth again. His mouth was more demanding, as if he had to kiss Alec. Had to taste him. 

Alec let his hands circle Magnus' upper arms, squeezing so tight he was sure his hands would leave bruises. 

Magnus let his arms fall, his hands down by Alec's crotch. Alec tingled with anticipation. Magnus palmed Alec's erection through his jeans, his hand burning through the layers. Alec moaned into Magnus' mouth, and pushed his hips into Magnus' hand. Magnus moved his hand up, to Alec's button, and undid it. Magnus pulled the zipper down quickly, and pushed the jeans away. The shock on Magnus' face when his hands were met with skin instead of boxers was priceless. Alec knew he'd made the right choice not wearing them. 

"Goddamnit, you are so fucking good for me," Magnus said, his hand trailing to Alec's back to cup his ass. 

Alec nodded. "Only for you."

The dirty talk seemed to spur Magnus on, because in only a second, Alec was on the bed, Magnus inbetween his legs. The sheets were silk, but Alec couldn't see the color of them unless he turned his head, which he wasn't willing to do. Magnus looked so fucking stunning. His hair was sticking to his forehead, some of the gold tips falling in his eyes, which were focused on Alec's face. His lips were dark and plump, looking edible. 

"I'm going to take off my pants, okay?"

Alec nodded. He didn't know why Magnus was asking him. He obviously wanted to see Magnus naked, if his hard dick was anything to go by. Magnus moved away, and Alec could hear a belt buckle being undone. 

Alec could feel Magnus' eyes on him like a physical touch. They were burning his skin, setting him on fire. 

Alec turned his head lazily to look at Magnus, who was grabbing something off of his nightstand. As if sensing his eyes, Magnus turned to look at Alec. "I'm getting some lube for you."

Alec nodded, beginning to get impatient. 

"Alexander, I want to hear you speak your consent," Magnus said, his voice demanding. 

Alec felt a shiver at the base of his spine. "Okay."

Magnus smiled. "Good boy. Scoot over."

Alec complied, moving over so that Magnus had a spot on the bed. Magnus laid down, setting the lube on his stomach, before reaching his arms out to Alec. Alec grabbed his hands, and found himself sitting on Magnus' thighs. 

"I'm going to prepare you. Which means I have to stretch you out. Have you ever fingered yourself, Alexander?"

Alec flushed, but nodded. And then he remembered Magnus' other rule, and gasped out a yes. 

Magnus smiled. "Good, so this won't be new to you."

"No it won't. I trust you, Magnus."

Magnus grabbed the lube, putting a generous amount on his fingers. "Good. Scoot forward, baby."

Alec did what Magnus said, sitting to where he was on the tops of Magnus' thighs. 

Magnus rubbed the lube into his fingers, before reaching his hand back to Alec's ass. He circled a finger around Alec's hole, before pushing it in slowly. At first, Alec clenched around his finger, the feeling uncomfortable. But after a second, Alec got used to the feeling, and relaxed. Magnus continued pushing in all of the way, his finger still moving slow. His finger was so long, and by the time it was all the way into Alec, Alec was moaning quietly. 

Magnus moved his finger out, before pushing it back in. He crooked his finger so that it brushed Alec's prostate, causing Alec to whimper. Magnus pulled his finger back out, and pushed it in. 

Alec decided that Magnus was going too slow, and moved his hips, fucking himself on Magnus' finger. Magnus smiled, and let Alec have a little moment of pleasure, before stopping the movements of Alec's hips. 

"Time for a second finger."

Magnus pushed this one in just as slow as he had with the first one, letting it stretch Alec open. When Alec started pushing himself on Magnus' fingers, Magnus knew it was time for a third. Magnus pushed in three fingers, scissoring Alec's hole wider. 

Alec was a panting, whining mess by the time that Magnus pulled his fingers from Alec. "I'm gonna flip you on your back. Okay?"

"Yes,  _please_."

Magnus flipped them over easily, settling himself between Alec's legs. Magnus grabbed the lube again, and putting some in his palm, started lubing himself up. 

"It might hurt at first. Tell me if I need to slow down or stop all of the way."

Alec nodded impatiently. "Yes, yes, I know. Hurry up."

Magnus smirked. "Oh, baby, you don't know impatience yet. Just wait till I can do exactly what I want with you."

Alec was about to reply, but instead let out a moan when he felt the tip of Magnus' dick enter him. Magnus went slowly, pushing his dick in inch by inch. 

Magnus wasn't kidding when he said that it would hurt. There was a burning sensation, and Alec's eyes started watering. "Stop for a second please."

Magnus stopped immediately, and his eyes scanned Alec's face carefully. A tear slipped from Alec's eye, and Magnus wiped it away gently. "Tell me when you're ready."

Alec took a few breaths, and finally did his body stop clenching around the intruder. "You can keep going."

Magnus put both of his hands on Alec's chest- one of them sticky with lube, the other a little damp with his tear- and inched in carefully. The pain quickly turned to pleasure, and Alec's mouth was opened around moans. Magnus bottomed out in Alec, and Alec had never felt so full. Magnus felt amazing inside of him, and Magnus looked beautiful above him. 

"Are you okay?" Magnus asked, his voice only a gentle whisper. 

Alec nodded, and touched Magnus' hair softly. "I'm okay. You can move."

Magnus did so, pulling out only half way and pushing back in, letting Alec get used to the movement. Alec's arms were squeezing Magnus' biceps, his blunt nails scraping at the skin. 

Alec's watery blue eyes were full of pleasure, and focused straight on Magnus above him. 

"Still okay?"

"Yes. I'm okay. I promise." Alec felt something other than pleasure steal its way into Alec's body. Magnus cared so much about how he was feeling, if he was hurting. Alec wanted to believe that it was because of him, and not just because that's how Magnus was, but he felt a little selfish at that thought. 

Magnus started moving his hips further out of Alec, before bottoming out in him. The room was full of their moans, their bodies and the sounds that they were making intertwined beneath the moon. 

Alec let his head fall to the side, and found himself looking at New York. The two of them were wrapped in a blanket of stars, them being the only witness of the feelings being shared. Something beautiful and pure was happening between the two of them, even if it was something that others saw as dirty. Alec was doing something with a man that he trusted. That was what mattered. 

Magnus' hips started moving faster, and Alec's thoughts cut off, all of them aside from the one that screamed  _Magnus._  

"More, Magnus, give me more," Alec begged, squeezing Magnus even tighter. 

Magnus pushed out a breath, before he was bending down and claiming Alec's mouth, his hips not slowing down or speeding up. Although when Alec had requested it, he was thinking for Magnus to go faster, but Alec didn't realized how much he'd wanted to feel Magnus' lips against his, how he wanted to feel every moan Magnus pushed out against his own. 

Magnus' arms were slick with sweat, his body warm against Alec's. They were creating a flame, both of them together. 

"How are you?" Magnus asked, his voice a gasp. 

Alec bit on Magnus' bottom lip gently. "Magnus, I'm okay. You feel amazing inside of me."

Magnus smiled. "I'll keep that in mind."

Magnus finally,  _finally_ went faster, his hips pumping in and out of Alec, turning Alec to mush beneath him. Magnus used his already lubed hand to pump Alec's dick in time with his thrusts, making the heat hiding in Alec's belly coil up like a too-tight spring. 

"Magnus, I'm so close," Alec said, arching his back to get Magnus impossibly deeper. 

"It's okay baby. I am too. Let go. Come for me."

Alec let himself stop thinking, and did what Magnus said. He let go. Alec threw his head back, moaning loudly, clenching up, before he came over Magnus' hand, painting his own stomach. 

Magnus buried himself deep in Alec, and with a hoarse cry of Alec's name into Alec's shoulder, came inside of Alec. 

After a couple seconds of silence, Magnus' voice filtered into Alec's ears. "You did so good, baby. So good."

Alec squeezed Magnus' arms again, too weak to speak. Magnus pulled out, leaving Alec empty. But Magnus kissed Alec gently on his sweat soaked forehead, and reached to his bedside table to grab some tissues, ready to clean the both of them up. 

"Thank you," Alec said softly when Magnus cleaned off his chest. 

Magnus smiled softly. "You're welcome."

Alec felt the tiredness set in, felt his eyes get heavy. He didn't wrap himself around Magnus like he wanted to. He stayed where he was. Magnus grabbed the blanket, and pulled it from beneath Alec, covering Alec with it. The soft blanket caressed Alec's skin, making Alec fall even deeper into sleep. Magnus, surprising Alec, took Alec's hand in his own, before curling himself into a ball, and promptly closing his eyes. 

"Goodnight," Alec said softly, before closing his own eyes. 

Alec was almost fully asleep when he felt Magnus' fingers touching his forehead gently. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope everything was sweet & cute like our boys! 
> 
> if you guys didn't notice, i really love stars. ok thnks for reading. 
> 
> a little disclaimer: i'm going to be going out of town for a few days, and i'll try to write a couple chapters ahead so i can get them out, but i've never been able to write too much at one time. i'm super duper sorry if you guys are going to be waiting for a new chapter for a long time! i should be getting home saturday night, so the update will either be then or on sunday. 
> 
> as always, kudos & comments are welcome <3 i answer all of my comments, because i'm just so grateful for all of them! so if you need to release some pent up feelings, i'll reply :)
> 
> -find me on twitter @salyersbaby because i put up cute things about the cutest bean in the world, magnus bane. (he's just so damn cute.)
> 
> all the love, angels <3


	5. Let Me Feel These Highs And Lows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus talk. 
> 
> Alec feels very special.
> 
> Alec also feels upset.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: talk of BDSM, and little bit of smut. also some fluff. gotta balance it out. 
> 
> enter: mom!catarina 
> 
> so the man who mags was talking to before him & alec rode on the helicopter was raphael, and raph will also make an actual entrance this chapter :) i love raphael so much, he's my fav lil vamp. (no offence to simon or anything)
> 
> so all of the chapter titles are lyrics from my fav song Feel Something by Jaymes Young, but i'm running out of lyrics, so pretty soon i'll have to find a new song. o whale. 
> 
> enjoy, angels <3

Alec woke to Magnus wrapped around him. Alec had his arm around Magnus' shoulder, holding Magnus tight to his body. Magnus had his head on Alec's chest, one of his hands splayed onto Alec's stomach, the other one hanging down by Alec's bare thigh, his fingertips brushing it gently. Magnus' hair was tickling Alec's nose every time he took a deep breath, so Alec shook out his head, and gently untangled him and Magnus. Magnus mumbled something in his sleep, before turning around and going back soundly to sleep. 

Alec rolled out of the bed, and he noticed that the sun was still pretty low in the sky, the golden light shining through the huge window. 

Alec turned back to look at Magnus, who looked peaceful in his sleep, drenched in gold. 

Alec walked over to where his boxers were and put them back on, before padding out of the room. Alec made his way into the kitchen- which was also filled with bright light- and looked around for something to listen to. Alec found an iPod sitting out on the counter- connected by a wire to a blue speaker. Alec smiled, and slid onto the iPod, looking for some music to put on. Alec clicked on a playlist that said "fun" with about twenty dumb emojis, and got to work cooking breakfast. 

Alec was surprised that he actually knew the songs, and he found himself swaying his hips in time with the beats as he whisked up the pancake batter. 

"I'm in love with the shape of you, push and- i don't knowww. Blah Blah la la I'm in love with your body," Alec sang, smiling at himself. 

Alec jumped out of his skin when he heard clapping from behind him, and turned to see Magnus leaning in the doorway of the kitchen. Magnus was also only wearing boxers, and his hair was a mess of black and gold. His face was clean of the makeup he'd been wearing, and he was no less beautiful. Alec thought that maybe Magnus looked even  _more_ beautiful with a clean face. 

Magnus' clapping ceased, and he went to sit at one of the stools at the breakfast bar, his eyes devouring Alec. "I've never heard that version of the song."

Alec flushed, and poured some pancake mix onto the skillet, before setting the bowl down and facing Magnus, a spatula in his hand. "That's because you had never heard me sing it."

Magnus laughed. "You're right, I hadn't. How are you feeling? Any aches?"

Alec shook his head. "No. No aches. But, I do think I'll need to call Simon or he'll lose his head."

"Sure," Magnus replied, and Alec flushed when Magnus' eyes strayed below Alec's face. 

Alec turned around to flip the pancake, but decided having his butt to Magnus was probably no better than having his face to Magnus. "Do you know if my brother's truck is still at your building?"

"Yes, it is. Will you need to be home today?"

Alec turned back around and opened his mouth, before someones talking interrupted him. 

"Mom, I don't think-"

"Raphael, I'm here to see Magnus. I haven't seen him in weeks!"

There was a sigh. "Maybe you should work for him like I do."

Alec looked at Magnus, confused, but Magnus was rolling his eyes. "Go put on a shirt, Alec."

Alec nodded, quickly turning off the stove, and went to get a shirt. While he was at it, Alec stole a pair of Magnus' sweatpants to throw on. 

Alec went back into the kitchen to find a stack of finished pancakes, and the bacon that he'd made, piled onto plates. Magnus smiled at Alec when he entered, and his smile seemed to get even brighter when he saw the pants Alec had on. Alec noticed a woman and the guy that Alec had seen the night before on the building, both sitting at the bar as well. 

The woman had a kind face, pale skin, and powder blue eyes. Her hair was silver, but Alec guessed that it was dye rather than that being her normal color. 

"This, mom, is Alexander," Magnus said, gesturing with a wave of his hand to Alec. 

Alec smiled, and waved lamely. "Hi."

Magnus' mom shot up from her seat, her shoes clacking and she crushed Alec into a hug. Alec held her back for a moment, before she was pulling away and running her eyes over him. 

"He's handsome. You're very handsome." Her voice was very musical, and soothed Alec. 

Alec smiled. "Thank you. Your son is just as handsome, if I do say so myself."

"Oh no, tell your boyfriend to stop charming mom. She'll never leave."

Alec flushed and looked at the boy- Raphael, Alec guessed. 

Magnus sighed. "Mom, let Alec breath. He just woke up."

She sighed and stepped back. "Fine. I'm Catarina Loss. I'm the mom of these two."

For a second, Alec was confused because she said that her last name was Loss, and then Alec remembered that Magnus had been adopted. "Nice to meet you, Mrs. Loss."

Catarina grinned, and went to sit back in her seat. "I like him. I've never gotten to meet one of your boyfriends. Or girlfriends. Actually, I've never met any of Raphael's either-"

"That's because he's dating Ragnor," Magnus replied, gesturing for Alec to go over to him. Alec did, and bent down to kiss Magnus on the lips gently. "Here, sit down and eat."

Alec sat down in Magnus' seat when Magnus stood up, and grabbed a fork and knife to cut into his pancakes. Magnus set orange juice down in front of Alec, and Alec smiled, swallowing and taking a sip of the drink. 

"You know we're having that dinner at the house for Jem. You should bring Alec," Catarina said, watching Alec with a careful eye as he ate his pancakes. 

Magnus sighed. "What are we doing for Jem, again?"

Catarina groaned. "Magnus, seriously?"

"Mom, I'm kidding. He just got home from Paris. I know."

Catarina squinted her left eye dubiously, before shaking her head. "You're so stressful."

"Thanks. Now, you have to leave because I need to talk to Alexander. Go, go. I love you."

Catarina stood and kissed Magnus on the forehead. "I love you too. Let's go, Raphael."

Raphael looked at Magnus, and they both rolled their eyes, before Raphael was taking Catarina out of the penthouse, her chatting the entire way. 

Alec grabbed a piece of bacon off of his plate, and took a bite, watching them go. Alec swallowed, before taking a sip of his orange juice, and turning to Magnus. "I like her."

Magnus rolled his eyes again. "Of course you do. Come, let's clean up from yesterday, and then we're having a serious talk."

Alec felt nerves roil around in his stomach. What did they have to talk about? "Okay."

 

Magnus' bathroom was pristine, with marble floors and counter tops, and dark cabinets. There was a huge porcelain bathtub in the corner of the bathroom- big enough for two to fit comfortably- and a glass shower. Magnus led Alec to the counter, and grabbed Alec's waist, picking him and setting him on the corner of the counter so that Alec could wrap his legs around Magnus' waist and meet his mouth comfortably. 

They didn't do that, though. 

"I'm telling you now. I don't like being touched. So, please, Alexander, don't touch me unless I tell you that you can, and don't touch me where I say not to. Got it?"

Alec was eye level with Magnus, so he could see the utter  _terror_ in Magnus' eyes when he talked about being touched. Alec wanted to ask why, why Magnus couldn't be touched, why Alec couldn't touch him. 

"Okay. I won't touch you unless you ask me to," Alec said, his voice merely a whisper, afraid that if he spoke to loud that Magnus could see how much this was hurting  _him_. Alec didn't know why Magnus was this way, but Alec did know that Magnus was hurt. That Magnus had been hurt. Alec had seen the scars on Magnus chest. He knew someone did  _something_ to Magnus, and that thought alone was painful. So, Alec would never do anything to worsen that pain; to make Magnus feel unwanted in any way. 

Magnus smiled softly, his gold-green eyes lightening immeasurably. "Good."

Alec knew that he would give anything in the world to see that light in Magnus' eyes forever. 

"What now?" Alec asked. 

Magnus pushed back from the counter, before reaching into one of the cabinets to grab something from it. "Now, I run us a bath."

"A bath- like you and me? Us?"

Magnus stood up straight, some sort of crumbly blue ball in his hand, and nodded. "I run us a bath. With a bath bomb."

Alec shook his head. "Now wait a minute. What the fuck is a bath bomb?"

Magnus giggled- he  _giggled_. This man was supposed to be one of the most ruthless business men, and instead, he gave money to LGBTQ+ charities and giggled because of Alec's limited knowledge of bath add-ons. "You put it in the bath and it explodes."

Alec's mouth fell open. "So it like-" Alec made a blowing up motion with his hands- "BSHHHH! Explodes? Like a nuke with the dramatic ass little mushroom top-"

"No, Alexander, not like a nuke. It basically just fizzles up because of the chemicals in it. It smells nice. Here, watch. I'll fill the bath up with warm water for us, and I'll let you put the bath bomb in. How does that sound?"

Alec hopped off of the counter, and like a man on a mission, grabbed the bath bomb from Magnus' hand, and strode purposely over to the bath, and sat on the floor in front of it. "That sounds fucking fabulous."

Magnus grinned. "Good. So, how do you like your baths?"

 

"So I just put it in? Like set it in there and let go? Don't have to pull a ring, or anything?"

Magnus scoffed, and pulled his hand out of the water. "It's not a grenade. Just drop it in there, Alec. I don't see what's so confusing!"

Alec spluttered, but couldn't come up with an excuse for his newly discovered fear of things called "bath bombs". Alec was a grown man, therefor, he would put the fucking bath bomb into the fucking bath, and not have a hissy fit. "Fine. Just watch and learn, you over achiever."

Magnus whistled. "Damn. You're lucky we haven't had our talk yet."

Alec stopped with the bomb right above the bath water. "You can't say stuff like that! You're making me all nervous, and next thing you know, I'll be drop-" Magnus had sneakily reached forward, and at the exact moment Alec was about to make a joke about dropping the bath bomb, Magnus poked the bomb, knocking it from Alec's grip and into the water. It splashed, causing water to shoot up, making Alec cringe away, before the fizzling started. Alec yelped, and stuck his head over the edge of the tub, his fingers curling around the cold porcelain. The blue bomb was fizzling out, its color spreading through the water like cream in coffee. 

"Magnus, do you see it?" Alec asked excitedly, his face morphing on a smile. 

Magnus grinned. "I do. So, wanna get in?"

Alec nodded. "I do. Come on."

Magnus stood, and helped Alec from his spot on the floor. "Put you clothes over there-" Magnus pointed to a spot on the counter- "so they don't get wet."

"Okay." Alec began taking off his shirt, and he felt Magnus' eyes on him, but decided to not give Magnus the satisfactory of him looking back. There were little bruises on Alec's chest- no doubt from Magnus' mouth on his body- but Alec had never felt so beautiful. It was a weird thing; Alec actually being wanted. He'd never been  _wanted_ before. And the fact that he was- well, it was almost absurd. But with the way Magnus had touched, and looked, Alec felt like he was actually worth something. Alec slipped off Magnus' sweatpants- of course, not having boxers beneath, which made Magnus smirk- and stepping out of them, fully naked and blushing to the tips of his ears. 

Magnus stepped forward, and touched Alec's stomach with his finger tips. Alec's body quivered beneath his touch, and Magnus seemed to like this, his fingers trailing in small circles. 

"You look stunning, all marked up as mine," Magnus said, his voice rough. 

Alec literally felt his heart pound out of his chest- he was expecting to see the thump, but his chest didn't move in any weird way. "I like it."

Magnus smiled. "Of course you do." Magnus leaned forward, and Alec thought that maybe he was getting a kiss, but Magnus didn't kiss him. Magnus stopped moving about two inches away from Alec's lips, so that he was intoxicatingly close but not touching. Alec wanted to whine like a child, but didn't dare move. 

"Hopefully, it won't just be my bites that mark you as mine," Magnus said quietly. 

Alec had no clue what Magnus meant by that. Was Magnus one of those- shit, Alec couldn't remember the name. Dominant? Then again, Alec didn't really know what that meant either. "Maybe."

Alec moved away to grab his clothes off of the floor, and he folded them carefully, pretending not to see the surprised expression on Magnus' face in the mirror. Alec didn't even know what Magnus was hinting at, so of course he wouldn't blindly go into it. No matter how much he liked Magnus. 

Alec set his clothes down on the counter, and turned to find a naked Magnus standing there, his clothes in a tight fist. Magnus smiled gently. "Go ahead and get in. I'm going to put my clothes down too."

Alec nodded and quietly walked over to the bath, sliding into the warm water quickly. Alec didn't know why he was being so shy, especially since Magnus had literally seen him _wrecked_ and had been the one to do it, but Alec felt trepidation coil up in his stomach at the thought of Magnus seeing him in the light of day, and realizing that Alec really wasn't good enough for him.   

Magnus walked over to the tub, but instead of sitting behind him like Alec had expected, Magnus sat in front of him. Magnus had his legs inside of Alec's his toes touching Alec's inner thighs gently. 

Alec felt his stomach tingle with every small touch Magnus gave him, every little breath that ghosted over Alec's face. 

"I don't know how I feel about the blueberry. What do you think?"

Alec squinted at Magnus, before shrugging. "I don't know. What other ones do you have."

Magnus tapped a finger on his chin, thinking. Magnus foot started massaging Alec's thigh, and although Magnus' face looked serious, Alec could see the spark in Magnus' gold-green eyes, telling Alec that Magnus knew exactly what he was doing. "I have pineapple, and birthday cake, and watermelon, and apple, and I'm pretty sure I have peppermint."

Magnus' foot moved up, and he started massaging the conjunction of Alec's groin and his thigh. Alec's mind went blank. "I don't- I'm good with that. With- uhm, with those. Flavors. Smells, I mean. I don't mind the blue- Magnus if you keep doing that, I'm going to implode."

Magnus morphed his face into innocence. "Doing what?"

"The thing with your foot."

Magnus slid both of his feet up to where they were wrapped around Alec's dick. Alec gasped, and the gasp turned into a moan when Magnus started moving his feet, jerking Alec off. "What thing with my foot? I'm sorry, the water's opaque, I can't see where my feet are. Want to point me to the direction of them?"

Magnus stopped moving his feet, and pulled his legs back to himself, sitting criss cross in the bathtub. 

Alec whined, his pleasure stopping and his dick throbbing.  _"Magnus, please,"_ Alec begged, his voice small and quiet. 

Magnus smiled. "I like it when you beg. Show me how bad you want it."

Alec tried to think about what to do to show Magnus what he wanted, and then the idea hit him. "I'll show you what I want."

Alec sat forward, on his knees, so most of his body was out of the water. Alec held a hand out to Magnus, and Magnus complied- although he did it with a questioning look. Alec pulled Magnus up as well, so Magnus' body was out of the water- but most importantly his dick was out of the water. Alec let go of Magnus' hand, and instead sat back on his heels, scooting forward so his face was right in front of Magnus' crotch. Alec looked up at Magnus, and he saw pure hunger in Magnus' eyes. That spurred Alec on, making Alec reach forward and put his hands on both of Magnus' asscheeks, holding Magnus' up. 

Magnus seemed to know what Alec wanted, but as soon as Magnus was about to open his mouth- to stop Alec, maybe, Alec didn't know- Alec wrapped his mouth around the tip of Magnus' dick. Instead of words, the only thing that fell from Magnus' lips was a breathy moan of Alec's name. Alec pulled his mouth off with a pop, and took one hand off of Magnus' ass. Alec looked right into Magnus' eyes as he stuck his fingers in his own mouth, and sucked on them, hard. Magnus' eyes widened, and Alec saw when his dick twitched. Alec smiled a little bit, before sucking even harder on his fingers, and then pulling them from his mouth. Alec put that hand back on Magnus' ass, but this time circled Magnus' hole with a finger, making sure it was lubed up enough. Alec gently stuck his finger in, and when Magnus moaned not in pain but pleasure, Alec decided he'd done good. Alec guided his mouth back to Magnus' dick, sucking on the tip gently, before taking Magnus deeper into his throat. Magnus' hands flew to Alec's hair, pulling on his black locks with a tight grip. Alec hummed, and pumped one finger in and out of Magnus while he swirled his tongue around the head of Magnus' dick. 

Alec pushed a second finger into Magnus' letting his fingers search around for that spot that would make Magnus' world spin. Alec looked up at Magnus through his eyelashes, and Magnus was already looking down at him, his eyes hooded, and almost black with desire. Alec's finger brushed up against Magnus' prostate just as he ran his tongue on the slit of Magnus' dick, and Magnus threw his head back and let out a throaty moan. 

Alec smiled and he took a deep breath, before taking Magnus as deep in his throat as he could. Magnus gasped with pleasure or surprise- Alec didn't know- when Magnus' dick hit the back of Alec's throat, and Alec didn't stop. 

" _Alexander,_ " Magnus choked out. 

Alec hummed, pulling back, even though spit dribbled down his chin, and he stopped the slow movement of his fingers inside of Magnus, not pulling them out but stilling their movement. 

"Yes, Magnus?" Alec asked. 

Magnus' cheeks were flushed, and his lips were red, and he had bite marks in his lip from where he'd had to control his hips movements. "Do you have a fucking gag reflex?"

Alec shrugged. "I don't know. Do you want to find out?"

Magnus nodded. "That would be great. For scientific purposes, of course."

 

Magnus had Alec dressed in a soft pair of jeans, and a gray sweater that Alec was very comfortable in. It was almost something that Alec would've chosen for himself, if he'd been at home.

Alec didn't know what him and Magnus had to talk about, but it seemed serious considering the pull of Magnus' lips. 

Alec still felt pride pushing at his sternum- Magnus had said he'd never gotten a blowjob that was so good. Alec had never given a blowjob before, and the fact that he'd done so good with Magnus- and, a surprise to even Alec- had swallowed Magnus' come. Magnus said that Alec could've spit it out, that he wouldn't have been mad, but Alec wanted to  _taste_ Magnus, wanted to feel what he'd done. 

"So, Alec. We have to talk about sex."

Alec squinted his eye at Magnus. They were sat down in Magnus' living room, and Magnus was drinking some white wine, whereas Alec was drinking ice water. "What do you mean, sex?"

Magnus took a quick sip of his wine, and set it carefully down on the coffee table. "I mean, Alexander, that I'm a dominant. Do you know what that is?"

Alec thought for a second. "Wait, like a sadist?"

Magnus shook his head no. "No. Not me, at least. Some people are. But I don't get off on pain- I actually don't like inflicting pain, even if it's deserved. This is why I wanted to have this talk before we had sex."

Alec took a drink of his water, trying to calm his racing heart. Alec set his water down, his glass right beside Magnus'. "So, are you going to hurt me?"

Magnus shook his head, and he looked confused. Alec didn't get why  _Magnus_ was confused. "Why would I hurt you?"

"You said 'even if it's deserved.' What the hell does that mean?"

Magnus bit as his lips, his gold-green eyes searching for a place to look, anywhere but Alec's eyes. Alec wanted to grab Magnus' chin, and force Magnus' eyes on his. But Alec thought that maybe it was good to not be looking into his eyes. 

"Alexander, I have rules. But I don't want to get into that. I want to talk about this. About you being my submissive."

"What do you mean, be your submissive?"

Magnus grabbed Alec's hand, and pulled Alec up off of the couch. Alec stood willingly letting himself being led by Magnus. Magnus' hand was warm in his, and Alec felt his skin tingle where there was pressure. Alec didn't want to say no. He wanted this; wanted Magnus. But Alec wanted to know everything. 

Magnus stopped at one of the wooden doors- three down, to the left of the hallway- and pulled a key out of his pocket. Magnus kissed Alec's knuckles, before dropping his hand. Magnus unlocked the door, and put the key back in his pocket. Magnus turned back to Alec, his shirt pulling tight over his chest. He looked beautiful-  _of course he did_ \- in a dark green button down and black slacks. 

"Alec, I want you to tell me if you want out. Don't keep any of your thoughts to yourself."

Alec bit his lip, before looking down at his feet. "I don't want to say no."

Magnus shook his head, wrapping a hand around Alec's chin and forcing Alec's eyes up to his. "Stop. You need to do what you have to to be comfortable. If that means leaving me, so be it."

Alec felt his heart pound hard in his chest at those words  _leaving me_. That's what he'd be doing. Leaving Magnus. "Let me in."

Magnus nodded, and pushed into the room, stepping back to let Alec walk in.

Alec stepped in carefully, his eyes searching the walls. There were toys-  _tools_ \- everywhere. Hanging from the wall, on racks around the room. There was a big bed pushed up against the wall, with silken red sheets that shone in the low lights of the room. "Oh my God."

"What?"

Alec shook his head, and stepped further into the room.

"Alexander,  _what_?"

Alec turned to look at Magnus, and was surprised to see that Magnus was nervous. For what, Alec didn't know. "It's just a lot, Magnus. I've never seen this stuff before, and it's a lot to see. Just give me a little bit."

Magnus nodded, and closed the door. 

Alec let his fingers roam the walls, brushing different items, while his eyes wandered the walls. "Do you use everything?"

"No. Only what people want."

"If we're going to have a real talk, I don't want it to be in here."

Magnus pushed out a breath. "Okay. I have somewhere else to show you."

Alec turned to look at Magnus, who had his hand held out. Alec barely hesitated before taking Magnus' hand. 

Magnus pulled Alec from the room, turning to lock the door up quickly, before he was slipping his hand back into Alec's like it was the most natural thing ever. Alec felt his stomach come alive with butterflies, and he couldn't see a problem with it. 

Magnus walked Alec down to the end of the halls, to another room with a wood door. This one wasn't locked, and Magnus pushed in the door without preamble. There were dark blue walls, and a large, four poster bed. The bed had gray sheets- sheets that Alec would buy. There weren't any pictures on the walls, or any sort of decoration in the room. Alec looked at Magnus questioningly. 

"This would be where you slept."

Alec pulled his hand from Magnus'. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, you'd sleep here." 

Alec stepped out of the room. "I fucking understand that I'd sleep in here, I heard you the first time. But  _why_."

Hurt flashed in Magnus' eyes for a moment, but he hid it well- so well that Alec was sure he'd imagined it. "That's one of my rules."

"That I have to sleep in a separate room from you, even after you've fucked me to your hearts content? Even after I let you use those- those  _tools_ on me? Why would you make that a rule?"

Magnus took a step towards Alec, and Alec took another step back. "Alexander, listen-"

"Magnus, I don't want to just be a  _thing_. I want to be your boyfriend; for us to go on dates, and hold hands, like a normal couple. I can't pretend like I want this, when I really don't. I want  _you,_ Magnus."

"This is me! This is who I am- what I do. I've always been this way. I always will be. I have to control myself and others, or else I feel wrong. And, Alexander, you are not a tool. I want you just as much as you want me-"

"But it's not the same. You want me for sex. I want  _you_. To be with you! Not just behind closed doors. I'm willing to try this, if you're willing to date me, maybe. But, Magnus, I can't not be with you. I can't."

Magnus pushed out a deep breath, and carded his hands through his hair. "I don't know. I've never done that. You're the first person to ever sleep in my bed. The first person I've ever taken on my helicopter. You were my first of things too, Alec. I've never wanted someone so damn bad. But I don't know."

Alec sniffed, holding in tears. "Then I would like to go home now. Please."

Magnus opened his mouth to say something- and Alec was  _horrified_ to see the hurt on Magnus' face, but Alec wouldn't try if Magnus wasn't willing- but no sound came out. Magnus shut his mouth, and pulled himself together, straightening up. "Okay. I'll get Raphael to take you home."

 

Alec stepped on the elevator, turning to look at Magnus. Magnus stood, still, on the other side, his eyes focused on Alec. "I'll think about it. But you need to, too. Promise me."

Alec nodded. "I promise. I'll think about being your submissive. I need space, though."

Magnus smiled softly- even though Alec could tell it was forced. The doors began to close, and Magnus' eyes softened. "Alexander."

"Magnus." His name was a gasp on Alec's tongue- a last breath of fresh air that Alec would breath until he was in Magnus' presence again. 

Alec didn't know what his answer would be. But he did know that he didn't want to leave Magnus, even if that meant submitting. 

Alec had always been weak anyways. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so raphael works as magnus' drive &/or body guard bc he's a rly good little brother & rly protective. i will stand by that forever ok thnks.
> 
> my first chapter back and it ends with angst. don't kill me please. 
> 
> yes, i am finally back! (omg almost four days, how could i?) i was at the beach! and you know what rhymes with beach? actually i don't know, but i do know that i really hate the beach. i got sun burned, and there was sand everywhere, so no, i did not enjoy it. i also missed you angels so much! so, i'm going to put up a few chapters quick as i can to make it up to you!
> 
> kudos & comments are always welcome <3 and everyones comments on this story are making me all warm and fuzzy inside and it's weird but i like it 
> 
> -find me on twitter @salyersbaby so you can see that i'm actually rly socially awkward & always make jokes about magnus that no one understands
> 
> all the love, angels <3


	6. Show Me That You're Human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec cries. Simon is a good best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, my darling angels. a new chapter for you crazies. 
> 
> warning: angst, tears, and a little bit of smiles. (and also a surprise ;))
> 
> i didn't think this story would have too much angst when i started, but with what they're going through, it's almost impossible to not have angst. i'm sorry if you were expecting anything else. 
> 
> please enjoy this little chapter, angels <3

Alec kept his hands wrapped so tightly around the steering wheel of Jace's truck, that when he arrived to his parents house, his hands were cramped up. 

Music hadn't flooded the car, lyrics hadn't erased the words that he'd said to Magnus. There was no distracting Alec from this sad place he'd been settled in. It was an uncomfortable place to be in, but Alec was scared to leave his hole. 

"Shit," Alec yelled, slamming his hands against the steering wheel, before settling his head against it. He didn't want to leave. He didn't want to hurt Magnus- hurt himself- but he needed  _time_. This was too big of a decision to not think before it was made. 

A knock hit the windshield, and Alec jumped out of his skin, before turning to look at a smirking Jace. The sun was shining on his hair- making it sparkle an even brighter gold- but as Alec looked at Jace's gold hair, he couldn't help but think of gold-green eyes. 

"Damnit, Jace," Alec mumbled as he practically dragged himself from Jace's car. Alec landed on his feet, only a small shot of pain shooting down his backside from his night with Magnus, before he was standing up straight and looking down at Jace. 

There was a smirk on Jace's face- as if he knew  _exactly_ what Alec had done with Magnus the night before. "How's it going, brother?"

Alec rolled his eyes, and dropped the keys in Jace's outstretched hand, reaching in his back pocket to grab the keys to Simon's van. "I'm fine."

"Did you have fun last night?  _All night_ , might I add."

Alec pushed past Jace, the wind tousling his dark hair and flipping it into his eyes. "If you're wondering if Magnus and I had sex, we did. I also gave him the  _best_ blow job he's ever gotten, and I've-"

"Alexander."

Alec froze, and whirled around. He was at his parents house- he was bound to run into one of them sometime. That didn't meant that he was technically ready for that. 

His mom was standing on the door step, her dark hair pulled into a tight pony tail, her poise proper- like a soldier's. Her icy blue eyes were still visible, even from how far away Alec was standing.

"Mother," Alec said, his voice reserved. Jace was by Alec's side in a second, a comforting presence. 

Maryse took a step, her heels clicking on the few stairs. "How have you been?"

Alec wanted to scoff. So now she wanted to know how he was? "I'm fine."

Maryse stepped even closer- so close that Alec could see the grey at the roots of her hair, and the dark bags beneath her eyes. "I've missed you."

Alec shook his head. "You can't do this. After so long- you can't expect me to forgive you. I'm sorry, I have to go."

"I love you, son."

Alec nodded. "That's good to know. Remember that next time you want to kick me out." Alec quickly walked over to Simon's van, and slammed the door shut behind himself, too much of a coward to see the way his mother's face crumbled. 

 

Alec was practically speeding to get to him and Simon's apartment, tears welling behind his eyes. Alec refused to let them fall, afraid that if he did that he'd actually had that conversation with his mom. Alec wanted to text Magnus, but he knew that it would only make it worse. 

Alec turned off the van and all but ran up to the apartment, flying up the stairs. He used the keys to open the front door of the apartment, and he heard Simon gasp, before he was being hugged, Simon's lanky arms wrapped tight around his waist.

"Alec!" Simon's voice was muffled in Alec's shoulder, his head stuffed into Alec's neck. 

Alec couldn't hold it in; he was safe, here, with Simon. A sob fell from Alec's lips, and he held Simon back. Simon's arms tightened, and he said nothing else, just holding Alec. Eventually, Alec slid to the floor, and Simon sat with him, wrapping his arms back around Alec. 

Alec thought about so much. He thought about his mom: about how she'd stopped him, how she'd  _hoped_. Alec thought that, for so long, he'd wanted his mom to do that exact thing. But when she'd done it, he couldn't forgive her- the words she'd spit at him still too fresh on his mind and the wounds still fresh in his heart, even after all of the years. Alec thought about so many good memories he'd had with his mom- to hurt himself, or to finally grieve over this lost relationship finally, Alec didn't know. 

And, last of all, Alec imagined what would happened if he ended up telling Magnus no. 

Alec had never been with anyone before- let alone had sex with anyone. Magnus was his first; and no, that didn't mean that Magnus would be his last. But maybe Alec didn't want anyone else. Maybe Alec was afraid that no one thought that he was good enough- that Alec was worth their time. 

Magnus had been the first to give Alec a chance. Who was Alec to say no?

Eventually the tears finally stopped, leaving Alec with a spilling headache and red, puffy eyes. 

"I'm okay, Simon. I'm okay."

Simon scoffed, pulling away to look at Alec's face. "You're obviously not. I just sat here and held you while you cried for at least ten minutes. You're something, but it sure isn't okay. Wanna talk about it?"

"My mom."

Simon nodded, and stood up, holding a hand out to Alec, offering to pull him up as well. "Would you fancy being my date and doing nothing with me? I hear it's good for you."

Alec let himself be pulled up, and he sat on the couch bonelessly, letting Simon shuffle around in the kitchen, finding food for them to eat. Alec almost leaped in fear when his phone buzzed in his back pocket. Alec quickly pulled it out, and his breathing almost stopped when he saw who it was who'd texted. 

**Magnus Bane**

_Did you get home okay?_

Alec smiled despite himself, and typed a reply out quickly.

**Alec Lightwood**

_Of course. I'm anything but an unsafe driver._

Alec grabbed the bowl that Simon offered to him, setting his phone down on the cushion beside him, sniffing at the bowl. "Popcorn with chocolate?"

Simon took in Alec's scrunched up face and sighed, wedging himself beside Alec tightly, before reaching over the side of the couch to grab throw blanket from the floor, and throwing it over his and Alec's legs that were reclined onto the coffee table. 

"It's good. Try it."

Alec didn't want to try it, but he did anyways, letting himself be open to new possibilities. The popcorn wasn't drenched with chocolate syrup- more like lightly tossed- and when Alec put a piece in his mouth, he was surprised at how good it was. The salt and the sweetness from the chocolate intermingled on his tongue, both of them fighting to over power the other, and neither succeeding. 

"Okay. Maybe I underestimated the power of chocolate covered popcorn," Alec said as he turned his eyes to his phone beside him. Alec decided that he would give Simon time, and just let himself get lost in the small redhead on the screen and her wild ass friends. 

 

"I like the one with magic," Simon commented. 

Alec scoffed, reaching forward to grab his water off of the coffee table, moving his mouth around trying to blindly feel for the straw. Alec took a sip and offered it to Simon. "They all have magic."

Simon took a sip of the ice water, before handing it back to Alec for it to be set down on the coffee table. "Listen. The one with the-" Simon began making almost-obscene-gestures with his hands- "whoosh whoosh, magic. Y'know?"

Alec shook his head. "No. I don't know."

Simon groaned. "The one with black hair and brown eyes."

"Ah. Then, yes. He's great. I like the broody one."

"Of course you do, because you relate to him. Don't look at me like that, you know you do. He's gay, and he totally has the hots for the sexy warlock man who is, by the way, bisexual."

Alec turned to glare at Simon. "How, in the  _hell_ do you know this?"

Simon shrugged. "I know everything. Anyways, it's almost like you and Magnus."

Alec cringed. It really wasn't like him and Magnus. The only thing he could relate to him and Magnus was Fifty Shades of Grey. "Sure, Simon. Hey, I'm gonna go to the bathroom."

Simon nodded distractedly, his eyes on the lanky nerd taking up the screen. Alec swiped his phone from the couch and disappeared into his room quickly, instead of the bathroom. 

Alec read his messages greedily. 

**Magnus Bane**

_I'm glad. I'd hate for you to get hurt, darling._

**Magnus Bane**

_Which makes me wonder if you're really okay after today. I just wanna know that I didn't hurt you in anyway._

**Magnus Bane**

_Actually, I should probably stop texting you. Seem too eager. Call me when you're ready, Alexander._

Alec smiled at his phone. Even over text, Magnus was charming and sweet. Alec decided that he was ready, and swiped the phone over for a call. Alec set the phone on his ear, and sat on his bed, picking nervously at the comforter that sat on it. 

"Hello?" 

Magnus' voice was groggy, as if he'd been woken up.

Alec looked quickly at the clock on his bedside table, and he almost gasped when he realized it was almost one in the morning. "Shit, I'm sorry. Did I wake you up?"

"Alexander?"

Alec smiled at the gentleness in which Magnus said his name. "Yeah. You told me to call when I was ready."

 

"Ready for what, exactly?"

Alec pushed out a sigh. "Ready to be with you, I guess. So if that means being your sub, then I'm willing to try."

Alec thought that he heard Magnus release a relieved sigh, before his ears were bombarded. "I don't want you to feel pressured in any way, this is a two way relationship, and I am a man of my words; I will take care of you."

Alec smiled softly, looking down at his lap as if hiding a blush from the man hidden away in the phone. "I believe you; I trust you."

"Alexander?"

"Yes, Magnus?"

"Have you been crying?"

Alec stilled. How did Magnus know that. "Maybe."

Alec heard a rustling noise from the other side of the phone, and figured Magnus was sitting up in his bed. "Why were you crying?"

"I, uh, I saw my mom today. She said that-" Alec took a calming breath- "she said that she loves me. And that she missed me."

Magnus was quiet a moment. "Is that a problem?" His voice was soft, and in no way demanding. Alec didn't know how this sweet man could be a dominant in any way, but Alec decided it was because he just hadn't seen that side of Magnus yet. 

"It's not a bad thing. But it's hard. I spent so much time wishing that my parents would welcome me back with open arms. I guess I never realized how much they'd hurt me in all of the years. They can't hide behind false promises anymore; they have to be willing to change."

"What happened with them?"

Alec sighed. "It's sad, Magnus."

Magnus chuckled, but it was void of humor. "I've had my fair share of sad stories, Alexander. If you don't want to tell me, you don't have to-"

"I want to."

There was a soft sigh on the other line. "Hold that thought a moment."

Alec sat in quiet for at least five minutes, before he heard a shuffling, and then a yawn. Alec could almost imagine Magnus' tousled black- and, of course, some crazy color- hair, framing his face and sticking to his brows. 

"I'll be there in an hour or under."

Alec made a noise in the back of his throat- something very undignified and unmanly. "What do you mean,  _you'll be here?"_

"I mean, Alexander, to be ready to see me. We're not talking over the phone. Good bye, now."

Alec stared at the black screen of his phone for a moment. He'd heard some hardness in Magnus' voice then, and it had sent shivers down his spine. Was that what it would be like? 

Alec calmly set his phone on the bed, and calmly stood from his bed, before  _calmly_ walking into the living room where Simon was still glued to the couch. 

And then Alec  _calmly_ started screeching at the top of his lungs. 

 

Alec's fingers were moving restlessly in his lap, ticking around in circles, before Simon finally broke. 

"Why the fuck are you so nervous to see him, if you've literally had sex?"

Alec's fingers paused as he thought for a moment. "He's never been to the house before. I think that's it."

Simon slapped Alec in the shoulder. "Alec, he obviously likes you. He gets that we're college students. I think he won't mind the apartment one bit. What are you really nervous about? Do you think he's going to start sorting out your piggy bank?"

"Wait, how do you know about my piggy bank?"

Simon kept a straight face for a moment, but Alec could see his lips twitching, and after a moment, Simon had busted out laughing, his face scrunched up, his hand slapping down on his knee.  _A knee slapper._

"What? How do you? I've never showed it to you!"

Simon quieted for a second, before laughing again. Alec decided it was sleep deprivation getting to Simon's little head. 

But Alec really wanted to know how Simon knew about the piggy bank. 

"Do you really have a piggy bank?" Simon asked after calming down, wiping tears off of his glasses. 

Alec scoffed. "Of course I do. After the Great Depression, we shan't trust banks."

"So  _all_ of your money is in that piggy bank?"

Alec thought for a moment. "Not all of it. Some of it's under that one shoebox that a big dollar sign on it."

"You know, if I was a burglar, you'd be poor."

Alec slapped Simon's shoulder. "You would never. Also, you're too damn clumsy to be a burglar. You'd trip and break their vase, before apologizing profusely and offering to tell them the  _entire_ plot of Star Wars as a token of your apology."

Simon shrugged. "I am a man of honor."

Alec was about to reply when the doorbell to their apartment rang, and he was springing up off of the couch, his and Simon's blanket coming up with him. 

Simon pouted, reaching forward to grab the blanket. "I was using that, asshole."

Alec waved that away, and all but skipped over to the door, flinging it open. Magnus was on the other side- obviously- and even at his most casual, he looked  _stunning._ His black hair was falling around his face and hanging around his face in natural waves, free of gel or any other sort of hair tools. His face was also clear of makeup, his skin shining in the low light of the hallway. His eyes carried their own light, that seemed to brighten as soon as he saw Alec. 

"Alexander," Magnus said softly. 

Alec smiled brightly, feeling a small part of himself gather its shit. "Magnus."

Alec couldn't help but notice that this was like their last good bye, except it was full of so many possibilities, all of them beginning with a hello.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is gonna be filled to the brim of malec- and some *other* things i refuse to say. 
> 
> i hadn't planned on magnus showing up this chapter, so if it seemed rushed or anything, i apologize! i'll be sure to add their talk in the next chapter, but this is just a little filler. 
> 
> if there's any question of this, Alec is 21- just like Ana- and Magnus is 27- and you get the point. 
> 
> of course, kudos & comments are welcome <3 (also, for all the comments you give, magnus adds a new ring to his collection. i don't make the rules, guys.)
> 
> -find me on twitter @salyersbaby so you can see how dumb i really am :')
> 
> all the love, angels <3
> 
> -also, how would you guys feel about some get to know me stuff? i can tell you some dumb things about me (i.e. my name or favorite color or something like that.) let me know if you want that, and i'll give it :)


	7. I Never Thought I'd Miss The Bittersweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus have a deep, real talk. 
> 
> Magnus shows some of his dom side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo yo, hello friends. 
> 
> i swear, with every new chapter i start talking more and more like my father. i need to stop this mess.
> 
> warning: emotional talks & just lots of *sigh* emotions. also, smut. and fluff. also, enter some of the BDSM. (i hope i did ok pls dont come for me if i didnt)
> 
> have you guys missed magnus? i've missed magnus. we need some more magnus everywhere. (i'm looking at you, shadowhunters.) if you also didn't notice, let me spell it out for you: I LOVE MAGNUS BABE, THE HIGH WARLOCK OF BROOKLYN AND THE MAIN CHARACTER OF SHADOWHUNTERS. if u disagree thats ok too but don't come for my baby.
> 
> enjoy, angels <3

Alec was watching TV. On his couch. With Simon.

And Magnus fucking Bane.

For some reason, doing this mundane thing felt so monumental. The fact that Magnus had his hand tucked into Alec's, his head lolling on Alec's shoulder, his eyes shifting on the screen with every movement, made Alec feel warm inside. 

"I'm going to bed," Simon announced. He tossed the remote to an unsuspecting Alec, who's reflexes took over and he caught it mid-tumble, before smiling brightly at his drowsy best friend. 

"Night, Simon," Alec said. 

Simon waved at Alec, and looked at Magnus with a squinted eye. 

Magnus sighed heavily, and lifted his head off of Alec's shoulder. "Good night, Sherman."

Simon shrugged. "I'll take it. Night."

Simon padded off to the bedroom, his shoulders sagging, his glasses probably already held tightly in a fist. 

"His name is Simon," Alec said quietly, letting his head fall to the side so he could look at Magnus. 

Magnus smiled, his teeth shining against the light from the TV. "I know. Come on, let's go to your room. We're going to have our little chat."

Alec didn't want to like the way Magnus' voice hardened a bit at the order, but God, did Alec love it. Alec swallowed thickly. "Yeah. Let's- let's go do that. I'll just- I'll pause this right here." 

Magnus stood and he waited for Alec, and grabbed Alec's hand as soon as Alec stood too. Every time they touched, a thrill went through Alec's body, giving him a jolt of desire shooting through his body. Alec knew that he was maybe a little  _too_ turned on for the chat him and Magnus were about to have, but could you blame him?

"Which one is it?" Magnus asked, stopping a moment in the hallway. Magnus hadn't yet said anything about how small Alec's apartment was; he'd said that he liked the decoration in the place, which had made Alec turn  _maroon_. 

Alec pointed to his white door, letting Magnus pull him there. Magnus wasn't pulling hard on Alec's arm, but he was pulling, his grip firm and demanding. Alec had noticed that Magnus seemed to have dropped a few walls, letting out some of his dominant side. Alec didn't know how he was supposed to act as a submissive- or even if he was a submissive. It was all new, and uncharted territory. 

"We can sit on the bed, if you'd like," Alec offered. 

Magnus pulled them over to the bed, sitting down comfortably, dropping Alec's hand and sitting criss cross. Alec plopped down beside Magnus, leaning against his headboard comfortably. Magnus' socks were fluffy, and looked very,  _very_ soft, and Alec wanted nothing but to feel Magnus all over him. And then Alec embarrassedly but his hands in his lap to hide the little problem that was  _growing_ in his pants at the thought of Magnus' feet, more specifically Magnus' feet wrapped around his dick. 

"So. Wanna tell me why you were crying?" Magnus asked, his eyes on Alec's blue ones. 

Alec played with his fingers in his lap, keeping his eyes low and off of Magnus'. "My mom. And- uh, and you."

Magnus didn't say anything, only shifted so that he was facing Alec, leaning against the footboard of the bed. 

"When I went to take Jace's truck home, I saw my mom. She said that she misses me. And that she loves me. It hurt so bad because that's what I've been wanting her to say ever since she kicked me out, which you already know."

"Why'd she kick you out?" Magnus asked quietly. 

Alec hadn't told Magnus this- the  _whole_ thing. "Because I'm gay. But, I think that's not the whole reason."

Magnus didn't say anything, his silence comforting in a way that told Alec Magnus was listening, but wouldn't force anything from him. Alec decided it was time to let it all out. 

"When I was eighteen, my little brother Max died. I don't talk about him much, because it always hurts. I don't even like to think about him, although that poses as a problem most of the time.

"So, Max was nine when he died. It was a hit and run. Max, Isabelle and I had gone to get some ice cream, and Isabelle went into the shop to get it for us, while Max and I hung out around the little park by the shop. I remember I'd seen someone I was in school with- I honestly don't even remember who, now that I think about it- and I went to go see this said person. I told Max to stay where he was, and he seemed set with doing that, just reading one of the books he loved so much. I was talking to this person when I heard a tire screech, and my first reaction was to look for Max. I couldn't find him. I saw Isabelle leaving the shop, all of our ice creams held carefully in her grip. But when she'd seen the street, she'd dropped them all."

Alec stopped for a moment, clearing the lump in his throat. "I was so terrified. I remember that fear, to this day. It was like my entire body was full of ants. My veins, full of their little pitter pattering. My stomach was at my feet, and my heart was pulled into my throat. I ran, God, I ran so fast, over to that street. My sister was running too, but I beat her there. And I saw my little brother. I saw him, bloody and there was nothing- there was nothing I could've done. I still tried. I grabbed him and shook him, but he wasn't breathing. Wasn't moving. There were people all around us- people calling the police, people offering to help. And I remember that I just held Max, Isabelle beside me, and I cried."

Alec's hands were shaking, and his vision was blurry when he looked down at his fingers. He knew that there were probably tears already streaming down his face- his voice had already broken with half sobs many times. Alec was surprised to see tears clinging to Magnus' jaw when he looked up. 

Magnus tentatively reached forward, and grabbed Alec's hand, giving Alec so much comfort that Alec was sure some of the tears on his cheeks weren't just for Max anymore. 

Alec sniffled before continuing. "My parents blamed it on me. Isabelle and Jace didn't, but my parents did. And I blamed myself. I don't anymore, thanks to Simon, but sometimes, I can feel the guilt eating away at me, and I think have I really forgiven myself? And before that, I'd come out as gay. So they knew I was gay, and then the thing with Max happened, and all of a sudden, they didn't see me as their child anymore."

For a second, the room was full of silence, the words Alec had said circling around the two of them like a tornado. Alec knew that he was trembling in Magnus' grasp, but he couldn't find it in himself to turn his eyes to Magnus. Alec's heart was heavy, and he didn't want to see pity in Magnus' eyes. 

"You sure do give my sob story a run for its money," Magnus said quietly, his voice breaking through the small barrier Alec thought his words had created.

Alec giggled quietly. "I wouldn't have any reference. Anyways, thanks for listening to that. I'm sorry to drop that all on you, but I just- I'd seen my mom, and I started to miss Max so much."

Magnus scooted forward, and wrapped an arm around Alec's shoulder. That was the only part of them touching, aside from their intertwined hands. Yet, flames were licking through Alec's entire body. 

"Want to tell me why you were crying because of me?" Magnus asked, his voice a small whisper, erupting through the loud noise in Alec's head. 

Alec wiped the tears off of his cheek with his free hand. "I felt bad for how I talked to you. Although I won't apologize. And, I was sitting there, wondering how I would feel if I lost you. It- it, uh, it sucked. So, I decided I want to be with you. However you want me." 

"Wait. Was that- did you just say yes?"

Alec nodded. "Yeah. I'll be your sub. Or- I'll try, at least. I don't know if I'll be any good. I'm not too good at keeping my mouth shut, if you noticed at all."

Magnus laughed, carefree. "I did. I also noticed that intoxicating blush you seem to wear just about everywhere."

Alec, seemingly right on time, flushed a bright red- his signature red, apparently. Magnus' eyes glided over Alec's face, taking in all of him. 

"Do you think I can show you some things?" Magnus asked quietly.

Alec's head snapped up, and his eyes focused on Magnus'. "Like, you dominating me?"

Magnus nodded. "Just small things. And I won't do anything without your consent, of course."

Alec barely had to think about it. "Yes."

Magnus smiled softly. "Good." Magnus' lips touched down on Alec's forehead for a moment, before Magnus was up off of the bed, standing in front of Alec- looking taller than usual somehow, and more intimidating. It made Alec's body practically shake with excitement. 

"Scoot to the middle of the bed," Magnus said, his voice quiet but hard. 

Alec did what he was told, moving to the middle of the bed. He laid flat on his back, trying to keep still. Alec felt the bed dip, accommodating Magnus' weight. 

"I'm going to take your clothes off now. I don't want you to talk or move. Can you do that?"

Alec nodded, not knowing wether to speak or not. 

"Speak. You can call me what you'd like. If you prefer Magnus, than so be it. If you want to call me Sir, that's fine as well. But, please, do not call me master."

"Yes, Sir," Alec said quietly. 

Magnus' voice was slightly breathless when he spoke again. "Good boy."

Alec's entire body jolted when Magnus' fingers found the hem of his sweater, but he managed to control himself, and let his body relax into the touches of Magnus. Magnus' fingers drifting lightly over his stomach to pull up the shirt. Magnus quietly telling Alec to lift his arms. Magnus just looking at Alec, because Alec was  _gorgeous_.

"You're so beautiful," Magnus said quietly. 

Alec's breath hitched, but he didn't speak, trying to follow Magnus' rule. 

"Time for me to take your pants off. That's okay, yes?"

Alec pushed out a small sigh. "Yes, Sir."

Alec could see Magnus' smile in his mind clearly, but didn't want to move his head to see if it was on Magnus' face. Alec was excited, his nerves singing with adrenaline and desire. He was pure energy, yet he couldn't move. 

Magnus' fingers slipped under Alec's sweats, pulling them down slowly. Magnus' fingers hooked onto Alec's boxers as well, pulling them down. Magnus freed Alec's erection, and Alec gasped when the cold air hit it.

Alec was overheated, his body burning itself up, and Magnus' touch wasn't helping one bit. 

Magnus' fingers skimmed Alec's legs as he pulled off the sweats and boxers, before Alec was sprawled out on the bed, fully nude, for only Magnus to see. 

Magnus didn't touch Alec, only let his eyes rest on him, devouring every detail on his beautiful body. Alec felt fire where Magnus' eyes touched, turning him to ash. 

Alec laid there for at least a minute, nothing happening; Magnus didn't move to touch Alec. Alec was getting impatient, his body going soft. Before Alec could  _attempt_ to hurry Magnus, up, there was a warm hand circled around Alec's dick. 

"Don't move," Magnus ordered. "Or I stop. Ask me if you can come before you do it."

Alec hissed out a breath through his teeth, trying to keep his hips from bucking up at their own accord. "Yes, Sir."

Magnus removed his hand, spitting in it, before putting it back on Alec's dick, moving his hand up and down. 

Alec had to clench his hands on the sheets to keep from moving, his knuckles probably white already. 

Magnus ran a thumb over the slit of Alec's dick, and Alec's back arched off of the bed, his eyes screwing shut. 

Magnus' hand left Alec, making Alec whine. "You moved, baby. You'll have to be okay with my mouth."

Alec was ready for Magnus' mouth on his dick, but not for Magnus to hover over him, kissing him on the lips. 

Magnus was still fully clothed, but Alec could see the bulge in Magnus' pants when he looked down. Magnus smiled against Alec's lips. "Like what you see?"

Alec flushed bright red, and turned his eyes up to Magnus' gold-green ones. 

Magnus was gorgeous normally, but with his attention focused on one thing, he was breathtaking- especially when the thing he was focused on was Alec. His whole body was leaning into Alec, like a magnetic force was pulling the two of them together. 

Magnus put his lips on Alec's, a small, gentle kiss. It wasn't rushed, and it wasn't sexy. It was careful- and Alec dare say it- loving. Magnus pulled away, his eyes almost fully eaten up by his iris's, his eyes practically  _speaking_ desire. 

"I'll start again. Remember, no moving. No speaking unless spoken to. And ask before you come. Understand?"

Alec nodded. "Y-yes, Sir."

Magnus smiled, before moving down, ghosting his mouth over Alec's neck. Alec's breath stuttered, but he didn't move, just absorbed the pleasure. 

Magnus continued his way down, kissing Alec's right nipple, then his left, before keeping on his path, letting his tongue move down Alec's abs. 

Alec's breaths were coming out in puffs now, but he didn't move, keeping his hips glued to the sheets. 

Magnus' breath connected with Alec's erection, but Magnus didn't move his mouth, instead wrapping a hand around Alec in a tight fist. His hand was warm, and Alec had to think about vaginas and boobs to keep himself from bucking into Magnus' fist. 

"Such a good boy for me," Magnus said quietly. 

Alec's breath hitched at Magnus' voice, so soft and gentle. 

"Let me hear you," Magnus ordered. 

Magnus started moving his hand, jerking Alec off. 

Alec let his moans slip out of his lips, his throat rumbling with every new sensation pressing against Alec's ribcage. 

"God, Alexander, what you do to me," Magnus said, his voice husky. 

Alec moaned at Magnus' voice, his eyes shutting against his own sounds. 

Alec could feel the pleasure building in his stomach, coiling like a wire, hot and gold. 

Magnus' hand got faster, as if he could sense what Alec felt, helping Alec chase his release. 

"Sir, I need to come," Alec said, his voice scratchy as he tried to chase his release. 

Alec had expected Magnus to stop, to tell him no. But Magnus kept his hand moving. "Then come for me."

After one, two, three more pumps, Alec was calling out some semblance of Magnus' name, his back bowed, his hands clenching the sheets for dear life. 

Alec let himself catch his breath, too dazed to notice Magnus cleaning him up with soft hands. 

"You did so good," Magnus said softly. 

Alec smiled lazily at Magnus. "Thank you. Do you want me to return the favor?"

Magnus flushed- he  _flushed_ \- before clearing his throat and looking away. "I'm good. Seeing you like that- do you know how beautiful you are, Alexander? You're so stunning."

Alec didn't duck his head, letting his cheeks flush for Magnus to see. "So are you. Do you need something to change into so you'll be comfortable?"

Magnus cleared his throat. "No. I'll probably be leaving soon."

Alec felt a little bit of fear claw its way into his throat. He didn't want to be alone; didn't want to wake up to an empty bed, only having the memories of Magnus beside him. "No. Please, stay."

Magnus took a deep breath. "Where are your extra underwear?"

Alec smiled, and pointed to his dresser, watching as Magnus walked over there and took off his pants and underwear- showing off his  _very_ cute butt- before pulling on a black pair, and taking off his shirt. 

"Any particular side you want me on?" Magnus asked quietly. 

Alec gestured to the side of the bed to the right of him, and Magnus quickly settled beneath the sheets. 

Alec was still naked beneath the sheets, but didn't think he could stand up to put on a pair of boxers. So, Alec reached up with his really long arms, and flipped off the light switch. 

Alec settled back into the bed, not wrapping himself around Magnus like he really wanted to, but instead, reached for Magnus' hand under the blanket. Magnus intertwined their fingers, and Alec closed his eyes, letting himself be comforted by the fact that Magnus was beside him, and that he was happy. 

"Goodnight, Alexander," Magnus said quietly.

Alec remembered then, Magnus calling him baby, and prayed that Magnus would say it again. "Goodnight, Magnus."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay? they're trying, okay. don't wORRY.
> 
> -find me on twitter @salyersbaby. or don't. 
> 
> kudos & comments are always welcome, you sweet little angels <3
> 
> \--okay so, first installation of me.  
> my name is tori! (that's actually a nickname but literally no one calls me by my full name. it just sounds weird.) i'm a she/her :)  
> i live in texas, and i enjoy it here. even if it feels like i'm living in hell. (i can't wait to move out.)  
> some fun facts for you: i don't like BBQ (i get so much shit for it from my parents & friends, texas literally LIVES off of BBQ.)  
> i don't like hamburgers. fight me.  
> i'm bi like our lil warlock friend! i came to terms with it a while ago, and i think the hardest part was telling my parents and siblings. luckily for me, my parents are really supportive and my brothers and sister pretty much already knew, but i gave them solid justification. i still get some shit about it (that i'm just saying it for attention... etc.) but, i'm happy to be out.  
> \--so that's it for now. more to come, maybe? if you want it? 
> 
> all the love, angels <3


	8. I Don't Care If It Hurts, I'll Pay My Weight In Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus avoid talking. 
> 
> Magnus takes Alec to meet his family.
> 
> Some shit ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi friends! here's chapter eight :)
> 
> warning: avoiding feelings (magnus, alec, im looking at you two), and fluff. no smut really? but, i'm just saying bE READY FOR ANGST. that's all :) 
> 
> can i just say that you guys are amazing? thank you for all of the love i get! makes me smile lots. 
> 
> please enjoy, angels <3
> 
> -i hope you guys like surprises...

Alec woke up hot and sweaty. Then, he realized it was because Magnus was wrapped around him like a vine. Alec smiled into Magnus' hair- which was tickling his nose- holding Magnus tighter. He'd woken up to this the first time him and Magnus had sex, and Alec was afraid that this was the only time he'd ever get to feel all of Magnus' skin on his. Even if he was the only one that would ever know it.

Alec laid blissfully happy with Magnus in his arms, but he heard banging around in the kitchen, and then smelled smoke. "Shit."

Alec carefully slipped out of bed, attempting to not wake Magnus, and not staying long enough to see that Magnus had been awake the whole time. 

"What the hell are you doing?" Alec asked, pulling up his sweat pants as he hurried into the kitchen. 

He stopped short when he saw Isabelle working at the stove- on which one of the pans was smoking- while Simon sat at the bar, his head resting on a palm while he watched Isabelle practically burn the house down. 

Isabelle turned to him with an angelic smile. "Making breakfast. Do you want some?"

Alec made an odd choking noise in the back of his throat, before walking into the kitchen and turning off the burners she'd had on. There was some sort of goopy, gray concoction in one and burnt chards of bacon in the other. Her "scrambled eggs" looked more like oatmeal. 

"Isabelle, this looks like you tried to cook with your eyes closed. Did you?"

Isabelle scoffed and slapped Alec's arm."No! I was doing good, I thought."

Alec looked up at his little sister, and her dark eyes still held some innocence that Alec would always hope she held onto. No one really got to see this side of her, where she was goofy and carefree, instead of the badass she always felt she had to be. "Do you even eat your own food?"

Isabelle grabbed one of the pans, looking at the goop sadly. "No. You always take it away before I can. This was going to be lemonade and cheese oatmeal. Doesn't that sound nice?"

Alec scoffed. "Not one bit. Do you remember that soup that you made for Church?"

"Of course I remember it! Everyone made fun of me. But Church liked it."

Alec set one of the pans in the sink. "He liked it so much he ran away."

Isabelle pouted, but helped Alec clean up. Alec looked up at Simon, and almost yelped when he saw Magnus leaning in the doorway leading to the kitchen, in his sweatpants but no shirt. There was a small smile on his face as he watched Alec. 

"Good morning," Alec said shyly. 

Magnus' smile got brighter as he walked into the kitchen and kissed Alec softly on the lips, before going to sit beside Simon on one of the barstools. "Good morning."

Isabelle had her mouth hanging open, looking from Magnus to Alec. "Alec!"

Alec sighed, turning his eyes to Isabelle. "Yes, Izzy?"

"You didn't tell me that he comes over here!"

"Yes, well you didn't tell me that you come over here to make breakfast for Simon. It seems to me like we're even."

Isabelle huffed. "I bet you told Jace."

A smirk spread on Alec's face. "Not at all. Not one, tiny detail. Absolutely nothing."

Izzy rolled her eyes, before trying to clean out the pans. "No need to be a smart ass."

Alec gave her a side hug. "Takes one to know one. Anyways, do you guys just want to get donuts or something? This kitchen is off limits until we reorder those hazmat suits."

Simon grinned, hopping off of his stool. "I like donuts. Especially strawberry ones with sprinkles. Magnus, do you eat donuts?"

Magnus shrugged. "Not really. I'm on this diet."

Simon's face fell. "A- a  _diet_?" He whispered the last word, as if it pained him to say it. 

Magnus nodded, before looking at Alec with a small smile but fire in his eyes. "Although, I do exercise often." 

Alec flushed, and looked away, down at his feet. 

"Oh, man, I know. You two wouldn't  _shut up_. And when I say you two, I mean Alec. You know, Alec, I didn't know your voice could get so high. It was like you inhaled helium," Simon said, smirking when he noticed Alec's reddening cheeks. 

Isabelle smacked Alec on the shoulder- not at all gently. "Alec! You didn't tell me that you two had sex?"

Alec shuffled away from Isabelle. "You never asked. I'm gonna go get dressed now."

Magnus followed Alec into the room, a smirk on his face the entire way there. 

"I can't believe that the first time you ever met Isabelle, she just attempted to burn down our entire apartment building! You know, she loves to make an impression, but I don't know if that was the one she was going for."

Magnus scoffed, going to sit on Alec's bed while he watched Alec float around his closet, picking a sweater from the various black shades that he had. "I already like her. I like people who can't admit they suck at cooking."

Alec paused, glaring over his shoulder at Magnus. "Was that a jab at me? My pancakes were amazing. You ate them like a fucking monster. Omm Nomm Nomm."

Magnus giggled. "I think that's the cookie monster, Alexander."

Alec sighed, continuing going back his sifting. "I love cookies. They're so yummy. If I had to live off of cookies, I would. A cookie- a big one, obviously- for breakfast, lunch and dinner."

Magnus was glad Alec's back was to him, because he was pretty sure he was making some pretty obvious heart eyes. "As long as they were chocolate chip. Please, tell me you like chocolate chip cookies."

Alec sucked in between his teeth. "Well..."

"Alexander? You don't like chocolate chip cookies?"

Alec shrugged, turning back to face Magnus, a- get this- muddy brown sweater held tightly in his fist. "I don't."

"But, the chocolate chips melt so perfectly. And then if you have milk, the chocolate tastes so much better. And then afterwards when you drink the milk- you were pulling my leg, weren't you?"

Alec giggled. "I wanted to see how many times you'd say chocolate."

Magnus sighed, flopping back on the bed. "Horrible. Horrible, horrible, beautiful boy. What will I do with you?"

Alec plopped down beside Magnus, humming. "Keep me, I suppose."

"Well, I was already planning on doing that," Magnus admitted, rolling over to face Alec with a smile. 

Alec put on the sweater, shaking out his dark hair when his head came through. "Is that so?"

Magnus nodded. "Yup. I even have a surprise for you."

Alec smiled. "What might that be?"

"It's not a surprise if I tell you. But, you'll have to drive over to New York today."

Alec's smile fell. "Are you not staying?"

Magnus shook his head. "Can't. I have to work. I'm running a multi-million dollar company, remember? Anyways, I kinda left my helicopter on the top of your building, and I might possibly, will need to get that off in about twenty minutes."

Alec normally would've laughed, but he felt a pang in his chest at the thought of Magnus leaving. Alec didn't know why- he'd only known Magnus for a few weeks, at least- but the thought of Magnus leaving hurt. Alec was scared at his own feelings, growing so strong. 

"I'm sorry," Magnus said quietly with a frown, reading some of the emotions roiling through Alec plainly on his face. 

Alec shook it off. "It's okay. I'll be fine. And I'll be there tonight. Do I need to dress in a particular way?"

Magnus shook his head. "Nope. I'll have everything at the pent house. Don't worry."

Alec was about to say that he wasn't worried, but before he could, Magnus was pushing him down and straddling his hips. Magnus leaned forward, his lips ghosting over Alec's own, sending thrills down Alec's spine. 

"A kiss for the road?" Magnus asked. "I don't say this a lot, but pretty please?"

Alec smiled, before grabbing Magnus, putting his hands on the nape of his neck, touching his hair gently. Alec pulled Magnus down, and connected their lips together. Just like every other time they'd kissed, a thrill shot through Alec. His body warmed from the inside out until he was sure he was glowing. 

Magnus pulled away slowly. "Thank you. I'll just go, now."

Alec gave Magnus one more peck before he was fully off of his lap. "Bye. Text me when you get there, yeah?"

Magnus smiled. He threw on his sweater from the night before, leaving on Alec's sweatpants. "Yeah."

Magnus was out of Alec's bedroom door after a small, rueful smile. 

Alec looked through his dresser for a pair of jeans, and he heard the front door close quietly. Magnus was gone. 

"Alec, your man left," Isabelle said, coming into the bedroom. 

Alec grabbed a pair of worn blue jeans. "I know. And he's not my man. We're just having fun."

Isabelle scoffed, going to sit on Alec's bed, where Magnus had just been. "Sure. You have had two sleepovers with him, and you're going back over to his house tonight, aren't you?"

Alec threw his jeans on the bed. "Were you listening into our conversation?"

A smirk grew on Isabelle's face, stretching her blood red lips. She didn't always wear makeup, but she was then, her pale skin still its natural color, but all of it the same. Her eyes were lined with eyeliner- kind of like what Magnus always wore. "Nope. Just a good guess. Seems as if I was right, though."

Alec rolled his eyes. "Sure. I'm naked under these sweatpants, so unless you want to see all this, I suggest-"

"Yeah, okay, I'm leaving," Isabelle said, hopping off of the bed, and closing the door behind her. 

 _Sisters are more trouble than they're worth_ , Alec though, rolling his eyes, before getting dressed. 

 

"I think I had too many strawberry donuts with sprinkles," Simon said, holding his stomach. 

Alec looked over at Simon quickly, trying not to take his eyes off of the road for too long. "I'm sorry, buddy. I told you not to eat four of them, though. You never listen to me."

Simon sighed, letting his head loll on the window, closing his eyes against the bright sun. "You'd think that when you feel like your stomach is be played like drums by tiny elves that your best friend would feel some sympathy, but I'm not seeing it. Do you know how hard it was to eat four strawberry donuts with sprinkles, Alec? The struggle was real!"

Alec scoffed. "And the struggle is going to stay real until your stomach feels better. This is why you're the one always getting sick. You do stupid shit like have a donut eating contest with Isabelle. Did you really think you'd win that?"

Simon groaned. "How is she so skinny? I swear to God she eats like a grown ass man. What was it like, living with a black hole?"

Alec chuckled, squinting his eyes against the sun, before remembering that he had sunglasses on top of his head. Alec wanted to roll his eyes at himself. "No. Well, yes. She used to steal lollipops, and Mom would get  _so_ mad. Sometimes Isabelle would give them to me, and I'd eat them, because what kid wouldn't, you know? And then, my mom would see me with it, and start yelling at me, and I'd say Izzy had one too. And then, Izzy wouldn't have one, because, being the little shit that she was, she gave them all to me so I'd get in trouble. I got in even bigger trouble for lying."

Simon laughed, before taking deep breaths, and holding his stomach tighter. "When was this?"

Alec glanced at Simon. "Three years ago."

Simon tried to hold in his laugh, Alec could tell, but then Simon's eyes started popping out of his head- kinda like a frog- and then Simon was giggling, still holding his stomach. Simon stopped abruptly, his face going green. Alec's eyes widened, and he pulled over to the side of the road, all while Simon was holding a hand over his mouth. 

Alec looked away with a cringe when Simon threw up his four strawberry donuts with sprinkles. "I doubt you're going to eat anymore of those ever again."

Simon sat back up, using his shirt to wipe off his mouth. "One can never give up strawberry donuts with sprinkles, my friend. Never. Do you think we can stop somewhere so I can get something to drink? My mouth is just full-"

"Thanks, but that's all I need to hear. We'll stop somewhere."

Simon smiled at Alec. "My stomach feels better. Hey, did you ever get a text from your man?"

Alec sighed, rolling his eyes. "He's not my man! First Isabelle and now you. It's so hard, living with a boy in love with your sister. Pretty soon, she's going to move to New York with us. Did you know that?"

Simon nodded. "Yes, I think about it every night before bed, and pray that she never sees me naked. Because no matter how much I want her to f-all in love with me, I think seeing me naked would steer her off of that course."

"You almost said that you wanted her to fuck you, didn't you?"

Simon tapped on his chin with a finger. "Um, no. I don't think I did such a thing. Anyways, you didn't answer my question, buddy. I'm waitingggg."

Alec shook his head. "No, he hasn't texted me yet. But he's a busy guy. I'm going over there tonight, anyways."

Simon clapped his hands. "Yes you are! But, you can't drive this! Ask Jace for his truck."

Alec shrugged. "I don't mind if he sees the van. It'll be fine. I don't think he'd mind, an-"

"No, I mean you can't drive this. Like, actually. I'm going to need it."

Alec paused for a moment. "Why, exactly?"

Simon cleared his throat. "Because imgonnatakeizforadate."

Alec looked at Simon out of the corner of his eye. Simon looked flustered- he kept looking down at his fingers which were tapping relentlessly on his thigh. "Please repeat that. I didn't get all of it."

Simon took a deep breath. "Because, I'm going to take Izzy for a date."

Alec grinned. "Yes you are! Good for you, Simon. Finally manned up and asked her, didn't you?"

"Nope. She asked me. Wait- you're ok with this? I thought you would ward me off with a crucifix- although I'm Jewish and that wouldn't work very well, because, well, wrong religion and such- and kill me in my sleep."

Alec scoffed. "Simon you're my best friend. Out of everyone Isabelle could date, you're probably the best choice. Anyways, if you fuck up, she'll kill you herself. You have that to look forward to, don't you?"

Simon nodded, staring out of the front windshield with wide eyes, as if he'd forgotten how much of a badass Isabelle was. "Yes. Yes I do. You know, I don't see how she's so-"

Alec's phone started ringing, and Alec looked down at it, surprised, before he noticed who was calling and a smile spread over his features. Alec picked it up. "Hi, Magnus."

"Hey, Alexander. Sorry it took me so long to call. I had to set some things up. Anyways, I'm sending a car to come get you. I don't want you driving over here. It'll be safer."

Alec hummed. "Is there a particular reason it isn't safe for me to drive?"

Magnus' voice was muffled, talking to someone else, before he came back through. "No, I'm not saying that. I would just feel better if Raphael drove you. He's my brother, and I trust him with you."

Alec smiled. "Okay. So, wanna tell me what we're doing tonight?"

Magnus was quiet a moment, pretending to be thinking. "How about no. Really, I love surprises. Anyways, see you tonight, Alexander."

Alec sighed. "Bye, Magnus."

The line went dead, and Alec set his phone back down, trying to ignore the butterflies fluttering around in his stomach. 

"So, Magnus?"

Alec smiled. "Magnus."

 

Alec waited by his phone, his ears open for the call from Magnus. Magnus had said when the car was outside, then he would call Alec so Alec would, quote, "get his cute ass outside", but no calls had came through, and it was almost four in the afternoon. It took over two hours to get to New York. Alec just hoped that Raphael knew how to _drive_. 

It wasn't that he was nervous, it was- no, actually he was terrified. His hands were sweaty and every time he thought about what Magnus had planned for them, he got even more nervous, his stomach fluttering wildly. He tried to think about where they could be going, and Alec was sure he had a pretty good idea. Magnus' mom- Catarina- had said something about a dinner, and she even invited Alec. Magnus didn't really say anything about it, but Alec hadn't forgotten, already feeling like he had the honor of a lifetime. He knew that was stupid, that he'd gotten so many amazing chances to do amazing things, but this was Magnus' mom. For some reason, the urge to get Magnus' family to like him was overwhelming. 

Maybe it had to do with the fact that Alec was falling in love. Plain and simple.

Alec was so afraid that if Magnus found out, he'd leave. Because Magnus said that he didn't do relationships. But that's what Alec wanted with Magnus. It was an urge, wanting to show Magnus off as his boyfriend to anyone who would pay attention, because Alec wanted everyone to know that this beautiful man was his. But, he wasn't really, was he? It was more like Alec was Magnus', but who did that leave Alec with? Certainly not Magnus. It made Alec want to yell at Magnus, to tell him to  _feel something_ , but he knew he wouldn't do that. Because this was how Magnus was; a dominant. Dominant don't fall in love. 

Right?

"Hey, Alec go get the door for me, please!" Simon yelled, breaking Alec from his thoughts. 

Alec sighed. Simon had been getting ready for his date with Isabelle, even though it was at six, and there really wasn't anything Simon could do to change his appearance. "Sure."

Alec hopped off of his bed, leaving his phone behind, and going into the living room to get to the front door. The person on the other side knocked again, and Alec flinched, surprised, before unlocking the door and opening it. "Yes?" Alec looked up and Raphael was standing there, his dark hair still curly and flopping around his face, and his brown eyes were still bored. "Oh! Raphael. Hi."

Raphael rolled his eyes. "Let's go. Magnus is getting annoying. He won't stop texting me."

Alec grinned, and was about leave when he remembered he forgot his phone. "Hang on, I gotta go get my phone really quick. I'll be right back."

Raphael nodded, and waited outside of the door. 

Alec ran into his room- probably like a crazy person- to find his phone. It was sitting on his bed, right where he left it. Alec grabbed it and slipped it into the back pocket of his jeans. He looked down at his gray sweater, his eyes tracking over the worn fabric. "Shit."

Alec ran to his closet, grabbing the blue t-shirt Isabelle made him buy, and making quick work of taking off his sweater to put on his new shirt. 

"Hey, Alec, who's the cute guy at the door?" Simon asked, walking past Alec and back to his room. 

Alec rolled his eyes. "A date with my sister, remember? I'm leaving, okay?"

"Bye! Have fun, use protection!"

Alec flushed, hurrying back over to Raphael. "I'm ready."

Raphael looked him up and down, before shrugging, and walking away. Alec shut the door carefully behind himself, and then followed Raphael down to the street. 

The car waiting for them was sleek and black, shining in the afternoon sun. It was a car Alec could see Magnus driving. 

Raphael opened the passenger seat for Alec. Alec looked questioningly at Raphael. 

"I'm not a taxi driver. You can sit in the front seat."

Alec shrugged and sat in the comfortable leather seat, stretching his arms high above his head before settling down. Raphael sat in the drivers seat, putting the key in the ignition and turning on the car. 

"What's your friends name?" Raphael asked, pulling out of his spot in front of Alec's building. 

Alec almost laughed. "His name is Simon. I thought you were dating Ragnor, though."

Raphael scoffed. "No, Magnus likes to think I'm dating Ragnor. He just gets mad that Ragnor likes to gossip about Magnus to me."

Alec smiled. "I bet there's a lot to gossip about."

Raphael nodded, glancing at Alec quickly. "Especially with you."

"What does that mean?"

"Magnus hasn't ever introduced his boyfriends or girlfriends to any of us. And, he took you on the helicopter which he's never done. He let you stay the night- in his bed, yes?" 

Alec nodded, and Raphael continued. 

"He's never done that before. And tonight- wait, can't talk about that. Never mind."

Alec sighed. "I'm about to do it. Raphael, please!"

Raphael shook his head. "You might be nice, but my brother would kill me, and I like being alive. Even if I have to work for Magnus' needy ass."

Alec grinned, accepting his defeat. "Got any gossip for me."

"Fuck yeah."

 

"I should've known you'd like Raphael," Magnus said as soon as Alec stepped into his pent house. 

Alec smiled but morphed his face. "I have no clue what you're talking about. Anyways, what's on our agenda tonight?"

Magnus walked into the front room, giving Alec a small kiss on his lips, before grabbing Alec's hand and pulling Alec up the stairs and down a familiar hallway. They passed the "play room", and Magnus stopped in front of the door Magnus said would be Alec's. 

Alec tried to pull his hand back, not wanting to go in, but Magnus just held tighter. "Alec, calm down. I'm just grabbing you some clothes so that you can change for what I have planned tonight."

"Why do you have clothes in here for me?" Alec asked, stepping into the room carefully, afraid that Magnus would force him to sleep in here. Alec brushed that thought away. Just because Magnus was a dominant didn't mean that he would force Alec's hand in anything. Alec knew that, but he was just letting his nerves get away from himself. 

"Because, I always get my subs clothes. And although you're not my sub, I still got you some things. In case you wanted them."

Alec shrugged. "I'll let you pick. I'm not too big on clothes."

Magnus looked Alec up and down. "You look cute today. I mean, I might be going crazy, but it looks to me like you're wearing a color other than black. That's a step that you really needed to take, and although I'm disappointed you did it without me, I'm happy you did it nonetheless."

Alec scoffed. "I'll have you know that not all of my sweaters are black. Some of them are gray. Or brown."

Magnus disappeared into the closet of the room. "Yes, but what color did they used to be?"

Alec bit his lip, before pushing out a sigh. "Black."

"Exactly. I'm not making fun of you, but, you literally only wear black. I'm surprised that you know any other colors."

"Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet," Alec named. 

Magnus came out of the closet with a maroon button up in his hands, black slacks, and clean, black dress shoes. "I'm surprised. You even know the real rainbow and not that kindergarten bullshit."

Alec grinned. "That outfit doesn't look too bad. Let me guess, do you wanna put makeup on me?"

Magnus scoffed. "There is nothing wrong with makeup! Anyways, no, I don't. We're not going clubbing. But if we were, then makeup would be essential. I'm sorry, but one day, you're going to wear it, and you're going to like it."

Alec grabbed the clothes out of Magnus' hand. "Whatever helps you sleep at night. What are you going to wear?"

Magnus gestured to his form fitting black and blue polka dotted button up and black pants he'd tucked the shirt into. There was a leather belt wrapped around his waist, probably just for show- because the black pants were fit snugly to  _every single_ curve on Magnus' body. 

"That's- I, uhm- you look g-good," Alec stuttered, his eyes traveling down Magnus' body all the way down to his black leather dress shoes. 

Magnus smirked at Alec's red face. "Thank you, darling. Well, let's get you dressed, and we can go to our surprise destination."

Alec rolled his eyes. "Will you please tell me?"

Magnus stepped up to Alec, grabbing his chin in a firm hand. Magnus pulled Alec's eyes to his. "No more rolling those pretty eyes of yours. I don't like sarcasm unless it's my own. And we're going to dinner at my moms."

Alec's mouth flopped open. "Yo-your moms?"

Magnus nodded, letting go of Alec's chin and started backing out of the room. "Get dressed, baby. We'll leave when you're ready."

Alec stared after Magnus. His mothers dinner? Fuck! How was he supposed to-

 _baby?_ Alec's heart skipped a beat when he realized what Magnus called him. Again, Magnus called him baby, and again, Alec felt like his heart didn't belong to him anymore. 

 

Alec walked down the stairs quietly, watching Magnus scroll through his phone aimlessly on the couch. 

Magnus looked so beautiful. Always beautiful. And for some reason, he liked  _Alec_. Boring Alec, who wore unraveling and baggy sweaters, and jeans that didn't fit him right. Alec who looked like he didn't own a brush. Magnus wanted that. Magnus liked all of Alec. Even the side of Alec that he'd been too scared to show anyone outside of his family and Simon. 

"You think too loud," Magnus complained, clicking his phone off and turning around on the dark leather couch to look at Alec on the stairwell. 

Magnus' face brightened, and his eyes darkened. "You look stunning, Alexander. Absolutely gorgeous."

Alec flushed ducking his head. He came to sit by Magnus. Alec startled when Magnus set a finger under his chin and lifted his head up, making Alec look into his eyes once again. 

"You're way too beautiful to be hiding your face like that. I love it when you blush. I thought you knew that."

Alec blushed- of course he did- but he didn't take his eyes off of Magnus' this time. "I'm sorry. It's just drilled into me that I'm not good enough. And you- Magnus, and  _you,_ you are amazing. Everything I'd wanted- even in the dominant thing was a bit of a surprise. It's crazy to me that you like me."

Magnus kissed Alec on the top of the nose so tenderly. Sometimes, Alec was sure no one ever saw this side of Magnus. The gentle side. Alec was positive that Magnus only showed that side when his firmly built walls were crumbling down slowly but surely. "Listen. You're beautiful. I know me telling you that once isn't going to help you, so I'll tell you everyday if that's what it takes. But just know, that you're not not good enough for me. If anything, you're too good for me. Just, for my sake, try to see yourself as I see you."

Alec wanted to ask how Magnus saw him. Alec thought that maybe if he saw himself through Magnus' eyes that he'd look different. Because Magnus seemed to see everything in such a different way than Alec. He saw the beauty in the world, but he also saw the pain. It was like Magnus' eyes could see the good and bad in everything; which was also terrifying to Alec. Because what if one day Magnus saw all of the darkness in Alec. What if Magnus decided he didn't like what he saw, and just left?

Alec tried, over and over, to stop having these kind of thoughts. He did. But it was his parents, drilling into him that he wasn't enough. Alec finally started to question if he was really enough. And now, trying to be what Magnus wanted- it killed Alec to think that he was just a fling. Something- someone- to be forgotten. No matter how much Alec wanted to believe Magnus when he said that Alec was beautiful, it was like trying to break through plexiglass. It was hard, and hard, and  _hard_ , to where eventually, all that was left was to give up. 

Eventually, Magnus would stop trying to make Alec love himself, and eventually, Alec would hate himself. 

But, not today. Sometimes, hope is all that keeps anyone going. And, luckily for him, Alec was good on hope. He had a lot of hope. For everything. Hope. 

"Hey. Alec, did you hear me?"

Alec looked up into Magnus' gold-green eyes. "No. Sorry. What did you say?"

Magnus smiled, leaning back. "We're ready to go. If you want."

Alec nodded. "I do." 

Magnus stood, before reaching out a hand and Alec took it, wrapping his fingers in Magnus', letting himself be pulled off of the couch. Magnus' rings contrasted hugely with the warmth of Magnus' hand, and it made Alec want to combust. How something so small could drive him crazy, Alec didn't know. 

"Raphael will drive us. He's going to be there anyways. Might as well, it'd take up less time."

Alec followed, practically skipping. "Take up less space, too."

Alec saw Magnus shrug ahead of him, and had to hold in a giggle. How someone could be so fucking gorgeous, but adorable at the same time, was lost on Alec. 

Magnus pulled Alec into the elevator, and pushed the button for the ground floor. 

"So..." Magnus began. 

Alec grinned. "So."

"Interesting."

Magnus and Alec were standing awkwardly in the middle of the elevator with their hands clasped between them. Alec was secretly hoping that Magnus would kiss him, give Alec something to think about aside from the mixed feelings in him. But Magnus just kept his hand in Alec's not moving from his original spot. 

Alec sighed heavily, and Magnus turned his head to look at him, but didn't say anything. 

So, Alec sighed again, longer this time. 

"Yes, Alec?"

Alec smiled. "I think you should kiss me."

Magnus quickly pushed Alec against the wall- just like Alec wanted. But Magnus didn't put his mouth on Alec's. "You like being pushed against the wall?" 

Alec nodded. "Especially when you're  _kissing me_."

Magnus kissed Alec on his forehead. 

"You missed," Alec said. 

Magnus kissed Alec on the tip of his nose, and again, Alec had to ignore the rush of emotions threatening to spill themselves from him in the form of words. 

"Missed again."

Magnus' lips were about to touch Alec's, and Alec felt his heart stutter at the thought of having Magnus against him, but right before their lips touched- so close Alec could feel the static their lips created together- the bell in the elevator dinged, and Magnus pulled away.

"Sorry," Magnus said, not looking sorry one bit.

Alec pouted. "No you're not."

Magnus reached for Alec again. "You're right. I'm not. Come, come."

Alec was about to say  _I wish_ , but decided to keep that sex joke to himself for the time being. Instead, he slipped his hand in Magnus' and let himself be guided to the car, where Raphael was already waiting. Raphael was wearing something similar to Alec, except his button up was a plain white that still, somehow, looked good on him. 

"Get in, losers," Raphael said. 

Magnus smiled. "We're going shopping!"

Raphael leveled Magnus with a death stare. "The last time you forced us to go shopping, the car almost got towed. With me in it. So, no, I do not see us going shopping in the near future. Unless you want me to burn all of your clothes?"

Magnus shook his head. Raphael looked serious- and terrifying. "I'm okay, thanks for the offer."

Raphael shrugged. "It would be a controlled fire."

"No, asshole, you're not burning my clothes. Come on, Alec, hop in."

Alec didn't hop in. He sat gracefully in the backseat of the car.

Magnus came in right after Alec, sitting comfortably in his spot. "Drive."

Alec looked over at Magnus. "Raphael's not even in the car yet."

Magnus shrugged. "Sometimes I talk to myself."

Alec squinted his eyes at Magnus, before shaking his head and facing forward. 

Raphael got in the car, and drove.

 

Alec was smiling hugely, his hand tucked into Magnus'. Alec had been nervous for nothing. 

Although, the Loss, Bane, Santiago, and Carstairs household was fucking  _ginormous._ It was pretty much a mansion. Alec thought that it kind of looked like the white house, but with less assholes occupying it. 

"I'm not saying that Batman is better. I'm really not. But does Superman have a Batmobile?"

Alec looked at Magnus as if to say,  _seriously?_ "Magnus, let me tell you. Superman doesn't need a car, because he can fly. Literally fly. You don't use a car when you can fly. And Batman has a fucking tool belt. Like Bob the Builder, or something. Fix it Felix Jr., if you must. Superman is better."

"Nope. Superman's weakness is Kryptonite. I'm pretty sure Batman doesn't have a weakness."

Alec groaned. "Batman's biggest weakness is himself."

"Now what does that mean?"

Magnus walked Alec into the front door. It smelled great- something Alec couldn't place.

"Batman drags himself down. He's always talking about  _"I failed_ _"_ or whatever. And then, you mention his family, and it's all down hill from there. Man can't even defend himself."

Magnus didn't reply, just walked into what Alec figured was the dining room. 

Alec froze on spot. 

"Alec?" Magnus said, turning around. 

Alec really,  _really_ couldn't move. It was like his limbs were made of concrete. 

Magnus grabbed Alec's face in his hands. "Alec, baby, what's wrong?"

Alec's eyes were on one person. "Dad?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh nO WHAT WILL THEY DOOOO  
> jk i already know :)
> 
> SUPERMAN IS BETTER thank you for your time.
> 
> anyways, i literally had to write chocolate so many times and i'm upset about it because that is a challenging word! c h o c o l a t e
> 
> also, count how many times i saw 'strawberry donut with sprinkles' because it's in there a lot.
> 
> guys i changed the relationships up a bit! i decided that i'd have simon be with raph (otp right there) because if you've ever read fsog, kate ends up getting together with christian's brother... see where i'm going with this?  
> \- if you have an idea with who izzy should be with, i will willingly take it. :)
> 
> kudos & comments always welcome <3
> 
> \--second installation of me  
> so, my favorite color is gray. it's not really a color, but then again, neither is black.  
> speaking of colors, i literally can't draw. i can't paint. i'm not in the "art" spectrum of fine arts, but i do play the violin. have been for many years, and i can proudly say that i'm an average player :) but i am in love with the violin. -fun fact, my violin is named Isabelle  
> i listen to music constantly. you can always hear music coming from my room. i listen to music when i write, read, and even sleep. only time i really turn it off is when i'm watching tv.  
> again, speaking of, my favorite movie is deadpool. i have almost all of it memorized, and i'm in love with the movie. i can watch it literally anytime and not be bored. it's such a good movie and never fails to make me laugh.  
> okay so i was talking about music earlier. i am literally known for listening to depressing music. everyone- even people who aren't my friends- know that my music is depressing. i don't like all of the pop music- unless it's ed sheeran, but sometimes not even then (shape of you)- and that's simply because i think that sadder and slower songs are so much more beautiful. the lyrics actually make you feel something, and for me, that's what music is about.  
> \-- that's all you have to deal with for now. :) (do you guys actually read this? i don't wanna be chatting with myself.)
> 
> all the love, angels <3


	9. All Of Your Lovers Eventually Fade, And Leave You Alone In The Bed You Made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert tries to explain. 
> 
> Alec explodes.
> 
> Magnus is too scared to ask, but eventually does.
> 
> Alec leaves...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a new chapter for you lovelies :)
> 
> can i just say (again) thank you to every single one of y'all! y'all are so amazing, and every comment i get makes me want to write faster. 
> 
> warning: angst. yelling. multiple uses of the word "fuck" (good lord it's in there SO MUCH). again. ANGST. i'm telling you guys, eventually, they'll be happy. right now isn't that time.  
> also, homophobia. so, basically, there's robert lightwood for you.   
> and i lil smut. but really, it's not a lot.
> 
> enjoy my darling angels <3

Alec was furious. He saw only red. His father. Here, at Magnus' parents house. 

First off, why the  _fuck_ was Robert there? What sort of business did he have with Magnus' family?

And how did Magnus not know who Robert was?

Alec could hear Magnus talking to his Mother, and sometimes, Robert would say something back, but Alec was frozen. Everything his father had ever said to him came rushing down, all of the homophobic comments, all of the hate, and Alec felt his stomach clench with anger. His eyes burned with tears and hatred, and for some reason, Alec didn't think. 

He acted. 

"Robert, what the hell are you doing here?" Alec asked, his voice eerily calm. He didn't say dad. That man- he wasn't Alec's father. If anything he was just a sperm donor. Alec hated that his last name was Lightwood, because it tied him to Robert. 

Robert stood from his seat, his tie falling from where it was tucked into his pants. His head was still bald like Alec remembered, his face was still overrun by a huge, dark beard. His eyes were piercing blue. "Alec, son, let me explain."

Alec stepped back, almost all of the way out of the dining room. Magnus was there, standing beside Alec. Magnus looked furious too, but his eyes were locked with Catarina's. 

Everyone else in Magnus' family- Raphael included- had taken a step back, and Alec saw in the corner of his eye, Raphael ushering two other men silently from the room, leaving just Magnus, Catarina, Alec, and Robert. 

"You don't deserve to explain. Just tell me why you're here."

Robert's eyes shifted to Catarina, as if asking for help, but Catarina stayed where she was, not moving a muscle- and not opening her mouth to help Robert out. Robert sighed, giving up on help, and decided to vouch for himself. 

"I didn't know you'd be here. I'm here because I'm Jem's boss. Jem is-"

"Magnus' brother, yes I know," Alec cut in, crossing his arms over his chest in a defensive position. Alec could feel the need to please his father crawl up in him, but he smashed it down like a bug. Alec learned to please himself, and no one else. Alec did have unshed tears in his eyes, and he held his eyes on the bright lights of the dining room, trying to keep them in his eyes and not on his cheeks. 

Robert stepped away from the dining table, obviously trying to walk over to Alec, but Magnus stopped him with a hand. "That's close enough."

A sneer built on Robert's face, but before he could say something, Alec practically exploded.

"Don't you fucking dare say something about him, asshole. You don't have the right to say  _anything_ , unless I ask you. You lost that right when you abandoned your eighteen year old son."

Robert's mouth straightened out- with obvious force- and the need to protect Magnus lessened a bit. 

Alec cleared his throat. "So, this question isn't for you, Robert. It's for Cat."

Catarina looked at Alec with her gentle blue eyes, and Alec couldn't believe that her beautiful house had been tainted with his asshole father. 

"He's Jem's boss, yes?"

Catarina nodded mutely, coming to stand by Robert, her stance a whole lot less defensive. 

Alec smiled. "Okay. Magnus, it's okay. You can let him go."

Magnus looked up at Alec. "Are you sure?"

Alec nodded. 

Magnus moved his hand off of Robert's chest, but instead came to stand beside Alec, his body touching Alec's. Magnus' hand tentatively touched Alec's, and that small hesitation brought a terrifying realization to Alec's head, but Alec couldn't dwell upon the way his heart picked up, and he wrapped a pinkie finger around Magnus'. 

"So, Robert. You know Magnus. My boyfriend."

Alec saw it. He saw the disgust flash on his fathers face, even if it was only a second. 

It was there, and that was all that fucking mattered. 

Alec wished he could believe his mom when she said that she missed Alec. But Robert- he was the reason Alec couldn't. Because Robert showed Alec that people just  _couldn't change._

"I don't see why you must talk about that," Robert said stiffly. 

Alec smiled, but it was anything but nice. "I see. You don't like it when I talk about myself being gay. Because that's what I am. Fucking gay as hell. And I'm dating another man."

Magnus said screw it, intertwining his and Alec's hand instead of just their pinkies, in a show of support. "You know, I've always wondered what it would be like to hold a conversation with a homophobe. This is very uneventful."

Alec had to hold in a laugh. Leave it to Magnus to insult and joke in the same sentence. "You're not wrong. Robert, did you know I talked to Mom just a little bit ago?"

Robert shook his head no. "I didn't."

Alec nodded. "Well, I did. She said that she misses me. Isn't that funny? I guess you didn't. The first time I see you after- gosh, about three years- you tell me to hide away a part of myself. Isn't that fucking  _fascinating_?"

Magnus' hand squeezed Alec's and Alec felt a little part of himself flutter.  _Fuck_ , he was in love, and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it, aside from ignore it. 

Right?

"I think Alexander and I should head out. Wouldn't want to  _taint_ your no doubt refreshing evening." Magnus' voice was hard, and Alec could tell Magnus was pissed. 

But so was he. "Goodbye, Robert. Please, enjoy your evening. I will definitely enjoy mine,  _fucking_ Magnus. Isn't that right babe?"

Alec didn't know what possessed him to say that. Maybe it was all of the built up fear finally scraped away to reveal an actual confidence to himself. Or maybe Alec was just picking the 'fight' of the 'fight or flight' defense mechanism. 

Magnus smirked. "Of course. Goodbye, Mom."

Catarina smiled, her eyes holding a million different apologies, all of them aimed at Alec. 

Alec prayed that his spelled out his forgiveness. 

"Goodbye, sweetie. Enjoy your evening." Catarina winked at Alec- causing him to, unfortunately, blush- before grabbing Robert's arm, and not very gently, and pulling him into the door everyone else had disappeared behind. 

Alec knew he was probably still trembling with the aftermath of the anger his father caused him, but he knew that he'd finally defended himself, and for the moment, that was all that mattered to him. 

Raphael slipped quietly out of the door, smirking at the two men standing like a sack of potatoes in the entrance of the dining room. "Damn, Lightwood. Didn't think you had it in you."

Alec grinned, taking in Raphael's actually  _not_ bored eyes. "I didn't either, if we're going to be honest." 

Magnus sighed heavily. "Take us home, Raphael. I'm ready to eat my weight in vodka."

"Eat?" Alec questioned following Magnus outside. 

Alec was still upset over the loss of his parents. They were still alive, but they weren't there. His mom was trying to be, and maybe she deserved some recognition for that. But Alec knew he wouldn't be talking to his father for a long while.

"Did I say eat? I meant drink. I think holding myself back from bitchslapping Robert has literally taken a toll on my mental health. Pretty soon, I'm gonna be a drooling vegetable, and I'll have to wear a bib."

Alec smiled. No, he didn't have his parents. But he'd made an even better family for himself. 

And, he had Magnus. 

 

The ride home was silent- at least on Alec's end. Raphael and Magnus were arguing about who would win in a fight- warlock or vampire. 

"What the fuck even is a warlock?" Raphael asked when presented the question. 

Magnus groaned. "You dumbass, I know you know what a warlock is. Do you need me to tell you what a vampire is? A sparkling douchebag who has two facial expressions. Constipated or pissed off, both of them directed at one fucking girl."

Alec smiled lazily, leaning his head on Magnus' shoulders, watching Raphael roll his eyes in the rear view mirror. 

"No, that's Edward Cullen. You can't disregard all vampires because of one fuck up."

Magnus was quiet a moment. "Warlocks literally have magic. And, vampires can't go out in daytime."

"Magic runs out," Raphael pointed out. 

Another beat of silence. "But warlocks have magic."

"And vampires have super speed and super strength."

Magnus smiled victoriously. "But, they have to drink blood. Warlocks eat and drink what they want. Imagine having to drink just blood for all of eternity. A disgusting foible."

"Whatever. Vampires are still cooler."

Alec cleared his throat. "Personally, I'm more of a warlock guy."

Magnus clapped. "A beautiful victory speech. So wonderfully spoken. See, Raphael? Warlocks are  _so much_ better. I could be a warlock. What do you two think?"

Raphael laughed. "Nope. You're as mundane as they get."

"Then what does that make you?"

Raphael didn't say anything for a moment. "Obviously a vampire."

"Oh my God, no you're not!"

Alec just tuned them out in favor of watching Magnus. 

Magnus was so beautiful. Something that Alec had noticed the first time they'd met. But there was so much more to Magnus than what meets the eye- not even including his dom/sub kink. Magnus was kind and caring. Selfless. 

He was so easy to love. 

Alec was scared. He'd never felt these types of feelings. Never felt the rush of adrenaline that shot through him every time he caught Magnus' eyes slipping over to his. Alec had never felt butterflies  _pound_ against his ribcage, hard enough to make his body thrum, his fingers shake. 

Alec had never been a big fan of feelings. But right here, in the back of Raphael- or Magnus'- car, Alec admitted it to himself. 

He was in love with Magnus Bane. 

It was so fast, yet not fast enough. Alec knew, he  _knew_ that he wanted Magnus as long as he could have him. Even if that meant he had to just be Magnus' sub. Alec was selfish and he would take and take and  _take_.

For Alec, love was fleeting. He'd never been  _in_ love. Sure, he'd had a huge crush on Jace for as long as he could remember, but that wasn't love. No matter how much Alec had wished. And now that Alec had it, he wanted to keep it. 

Even if it destroyed him. 

 

Alec wasn't really that upset about Robert anymore. Listening to Magnus talk had washed away all of the anger. That didn't mean he his heart wasn't aching. 

Everyone wants to feel accepted. It doesn't have to be parents who people want to accept them. Maybe people just want to be able to accept themselves. But everyone wants to know that they are allowed to be who they are and not feel alone because of that. 

Alec knew that he had so much acceptance in his life, all from different sources. Simon, Isabelle, Jace. 

Magnus. 

But, Alec wished his father loved him. And maybe his father did love him. But not who Alec really was. Robert loved a perfect son that he didn't have anymore. He loved Alec only when Alec was pretending. 

And Alec was tired of pretending. 

If you hold up a mask for too long, your arm starts to get tired. Alec was fucking exhausted.

He wanted to be himself. To love who he wanted. 

To love Magnus. 

Magnus tapped Alec gently on the shoulder, waking him up from his "sleep." Alec hadn't slept. He listened to Magnus' voice and let the emotions hit him like waves. "Wake up sleepy head. We're home."

Home. When had Alec's home become a person instead of a place?

Alec smiled lazily up at Magnus, the only light in the car from the small LED interior lights decorating the top of the vehicle. "Hi."

Magnus smiled back, running gentle fingers down Alec's cheek. "Hi. Come inside."

Alec nodded, crawling out of the open door and into the night. 

Alec looked up, his face open to the sky above him. The dark had settled, stars falling into the little cracks the sun left behind. Night fell everyday, and yet, it never stopped looking beautiful. If it was because the stars were never in the same place, making up their own map every night- one Alec would willingly study- or because Alec knew that even if his life felt like it was falling apart around him, the stars would always be there. The night would always come. And then, after that, the sun would rise. 

Every day.

Alec followed Magnus inside, his hands trailing the walls with light fingers. The wall was bumpy beneath his fingers, providing him a distraction. 

Alec was so close to spilling. To telling Magnus the sacred three words. 

Magnus would probably freak out. He definitely wouldn't say it back. 

Alec was okay with that. Because all he wanted was Magnus. 

They stepped into the elevator, but Alec didn't want to make out. He was too tired. He just wanted to be there with Magnus, to be around him. 

"Did you have a good nap?" Magnus asked, looking over at Alec with a soft smile. 

Alec nodded. "I did. Did you know that your voice is very calming?"

Magnus shook his head, his eyes still on Alec's. "I didn't. Thank you for telling me though. I should record myself giving a lecture and selling it to single parents. Or maybe just giving it away."

Alec rolled his eyes, a smile spreading on his face. "I think you should. But don't let me use the recorders. I'll just forget them."

Magnus chuckled, his face lighting up. 

Alec was positive that was his favorite part of making Magnus laugh. Seeing his face light up, right to his gold-green eyes. 

"And aren't we glad that you forgot that recorder."

Alec nodded. "We are."

The elevator dinged, depositing them into Magnus' pent house. 

"So, where is Raphael at?"

Magnus walked right to his bar, motioning for Alec to take a seat while he made them something to drink. "He has his own room. It's the eighth floor. My baby brother is very protective of me, and he likes being close. But he wouldn't tell you that, unless he's very,  _very_ drunk."

Alec grinned. "So was Raphael adopted too?"

Magnus nodded, pouring vodka into two glasses. "Yeah. So was Jem. Cat is sterile. Her and my dad Jeremy could've gotten a surrogate, but they decided that adoption would be easier. They got me from Indonesia, Raph from a bad part of Mexico, and Jem from Shanghai."

"I wouldn't mind adoption, if I'm going to be honest. I don't see a problem with it."

Magnus continued the conversation even when he walked into the kitchen to go into the fridge. "I've been in an orphanage, and no child should go through that. Maybe it was just the one I was in, but God, it was horrible. I'm lucky to be here."

Alec nodded. "Don't forget, though, that our pasts don't define us."

Magnus came back over to the bar with a jug of orange juice in his hand. "No. But our pasts are a part of us. Even if our pasts are horrible. You didn't have the best life when you're younger, but you seem happy now."

Alec watched Magnus pour orange juice on top of the vodka. "I am happy now. I'm lucky to have my siblings and Simon. And you."

Magnus smiled, looking up at Alec. "Well, thank you, darling. You're not too bad yourself." Magnus grabbed a plastic spoon off of the bar, and mixed together the drinks, making them both a light orange color. 

Magnus slid one over to Alec. 

"Thank you," Alec said. "What's this one."

"This, Alexander, is a Screwdriver. Simple but good. Try it."

Alec shrugged and took a small sip of the alcohol. It burned, but it tasted much better than the first drink Magnus had ever handed him. 

"This is great," Alec said in a slightly choked voice.

Magus smiled, his eyes on Alec's over the rim of his cup. Magnus set his cup down. "You don't have to lie, you know."

Alec took another sip. "I'm not lying. A Screwdriver is a drink I would consider ordering at a club. Although, I don't know if I should go to a club. I met this really cute bartender, and I wasn't even at a club."

Magnus grinned. "Tell me about said bartender."

"Okay, so, her name was Camille-"

Magnus groaned, punching Alec lightly in the shoulder. "Fuck off. I didn't even ask her in there."

Alec smiled. "Is that so?"

Magnus scoffed. "Yes. That is so."

"Whatever you say."

They finished their drinks with small talk, all while Alec was trying to think up a way to kiss Magnus without it seeming rushed. 

So maybe Alec wasn't too tired for a make out. Sue him. 

"Wanna watch a movie?" Magnus asked. 

Alec nodded. "I would love to. Lead the way."

Magnus motioned for Alec to follow him. "We're going to watch Deadpool. It's my favorite movie of all time."

"I don't think I've ever seen it," Alec admitted sheepishly.

Magnus gasped. "You're a- a Deadpool virgin? Well, time to pop that cherry."

Alec giggled. "We should get you a shirt that says 'I'm a heiman breaker'."

Magnus stopped walking a moment. "Did you just utter the word heiman?"

"Yes. It's a piece of skin that covers-"

Magnus cut him off. "I know what it is. You know, I've never wanted to kiss you more. I can't believe that you just said that and it was really hot."

Alec smiled. Score. "Then kiss me."

"Nope. Deadpool, remember?"

 _Fuck_. "I remember."

 

Deadpool was a nice movie. And Magnus' movie room was really cool, Alec had to admit. 

But Alec was really fucking horny and Magnus was so oblivious, mouthing all of the lines and laughing out loud at random parts of the movie. 

Normally, Alec would be laughing with him. 

But he was really  _fucking horny._

"Hey Magnus?" 

Magnus glanced down at Alec. "Yes, darling?"

Alec smiled. "Will you please kiss me? I've been waiting all night and it hasn't happened and I'm starting to get uncomfortable in my pants-"

Magnus cut Alec off with a soft kiss to his lips. Alec's stomach became alive with butterflies, and his heart was a drum. 

Alec was beating just for Magnus.

Alec took a risk, and plopped himself down in Magnus' lap, straddling Magnus beneath him. 

Magnus' mouth was hot and demanding, and everything Alec wanted. 

Alec let his arms circle Magnus' biceps, clinging to him tightly. 

Magnus has his hands clinched on Alec's waist, holding him in place- tight enough to leave bruises. Alec didn't care. 

Alec pulled back. "Can I try something?"

Magnus nodded. 

Alec put his hands over Magnus' shirt, right on his chest. Alec felt Magnus stiffen beneath him, but Magnus didn't push him off. Alec took that as a good sign, and gently ran his hands down the front of Magnus' shirt, right to the hem of it. Alec let his fingers slip beneath Magnus' shirt touching his warm skin. Alec's eyes were trained on Magnus' face. 

Magnus' eyes were screwed shut, and he was breathing heavily, but he wasn't pushing Alec off. Wasn't telling Alec to stop. 

So, Alec did what he did best. 

He took. 

Alec ran his fingers up Magnus' abdomen. As soon as Alec's fingers touched Magnus' chest, Magnus practically shoved Alec off of his lap, and Alec barely caught himself before he fell right on the floor. Alec sat like a sack of potatoes on the floor while Magnus stood up, his eyes blazing. 

"Why do you have to do that? Why do you have to touch me even when you know I don't like it?"

Alec got to his feet, breathing just as heavily as Magnus. "Because I love you!"

The fire died so quickly out of Magnus' eyes that all of the hope Alec had ever held for Magnus saying it back disappeared quickly. 

"What?"

Alec felt tears well up behind his eyes. His voice was barely a whisper, and he wasn't even sure if Magnus could hear him over the movie that was continuing on. "Because I love you."

Magnus shook his head. "Alec, no."

Alec let a tear slip down his cheek. "I'm sorry. Do you think I want this? That I want to love someone who will never love me back?"

Magnus opened his mouth to say something, but Alec backed up. 

"I'm leaving. I- I have to go."

Magnus watched as Alec practically ran from the movie room. 

Magnus knew Alec was too far away to hear him when he called out. 

Alec fell into the elevator, already pulling out his phone to call Simon. 

"Hello?" 

Simon's voice was heavy with sleep, but Alec couldn't have it in him to feel sorry. He choked on a sob just at hearing Simon.

Alec's voice was broken when he talked. "Simon, I need you to come to New York."

"Alec? Are you okay?"

"No. I'm not. Simon, please. I need you."

Alec could already hear the sure sounds of Simon moving around. "I'll be there as fast as possible. Text me the address. I love you, Alec."

Alec sniffled. "I love you too."

With a click of a button, Simon was gone. 

Alec let himself cry in the silver box. 

He'd fucked up. Bad. And Magnus hadn't tried to get him to stay.

Alec knew that that was what hurt the most: that Magnus didn't even  _want_ him to stay. 

Alec had fucked up. And now he'd lost Magnus for good. 

Alec didn't remember when his home had become a person instead of a place. But now he knew that he would never be able to find out. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahAHAHA PLEASE DON'T YELL AT ME! THANK YOU :)))))) if you need to yell, i will take it like the young woman i am. 
> 
> i promise you guys, eventually, they'll get better. "A WISE MAN ONCE SAID: RELATIONSHIPS TAKE EFFORT" :')
> 
> if you're mad at me, just remember that i love you all very much. 
> 
> \--third installation of me :)  
> I. LOVE. TO. READ.  
> a sure way into my heart is giving me books. i love to read. it's a passion that i will forever hold into my heart. the characters i read about become my friends. (is that weird? i like to think it's sweet.) i HAVE read the entire TMI, TID, TDA & even Tales from the Shadowhunters Academy.  
> i love the books and show evenly. a lot of people don't, but i do. i think that the shows and books both have their strong points, and weak points. but can i say, in both the books & show, magnus bane is AMAZING!  
> aside from those, i'm reading the "shatter me" series by tahereh mafi. a beautiful series. much love to it!
> 
> i do have other interests aside from reading, but it's mostly writing. (obviously.)  
> i watch a lot of youtube, though!- ex. dan & phil, berleezy, trin lovell, and shane dawson. anyone who can make me laugh, i guess.  
> \--so, that's all for now :) 
> 
> of course, kudos & comments are welcome <3 (for every comment, malec goes on another date. i don't make the rules, friends.)
> 
> -find me on twitter @salyersbaby to have conversations with me :)
> 
> all the love, angels <3


	10. All Of The Colors That Bleed To Gray Leave Nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon is fucking pissed.
> 
> Alec just wants (needs) a hug.
> 
> Alcohol never hurt anyone, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, angels!
> 
> you guys are the best!  
> (will sweet talking you make y'all happy again?)
> 
> anyways, it's not all dasies and roses this chapter.  
> warning: CRYING AND DRINKING (responsibly. well....) also a worried magnus, and it's cute. 
> 
> enter: carrot 
> 
> enter #2: lydia (i KNOW lydia isn't in the books ok i just love her a lot and i also couldn't think about who else to put in. and her role is really small rn but mama lyds will get the recognition she deserves ok!!!) 
> 
> sooooooooo i'm evil.  
> is my surname satan yet? because i will willingly take it. 
> 
> i promise y'all that it gets better. again, "A WISE MAN ONCE SAID: RELATIONSHIPS TAKE EFFORT"  
> :))))))
> 
> enjoy, angels <3
> 
> i wrote most of this on practically NO sleep because people think it's fun to wake me up from my slumber !1!1  
> so mistakes will be blamed on that.

Simon must've sped all of the way to New York, because Alec was only waiting at a small diner called Taki's for about an hour and a half. 

Alec had ordered a small coffee, and the only person working was a small redhead named Clary. For some reason the name sounded familiar, but Alec couldn't think. His head was pounding and the tears had just barely stopped flowing from his eyes when the small bell at the top of the door announced Simon's entrance into the building. 

"Alec?" Simon said softly, making Alec cock his head away from the steaming black coffee sat in front of him on the mahogany counter top. 

A soft smile stole its way onto Alec's lips at Simon's outfit choice. He was wearing a pair of Alec's sweatpants- which meant they were hanging off of his hips- and a shirt that said 'MADE IN BROOKLYN', something Simon had had for a long ass time. Simon's brown hair was a mop of curls, some of them matted to his head. His brown glasses were askew on his nose. 

But he was there.

Alec stood up, and immediately was enveloped in a hug. Simon had always given the best hugs. 

Alec let Simon wrap his arms around Alec's waist, and Alec hunched over so he could hug Simon back properly, settling his face on Simon's shoulder. Alec took a deep breath, and the smell of Simon's special detergent was so calming. The headache that had been pressing into Alec's head dissipated a fraction. 

"Simon," Alec said softly, holding Simon to himself tighter.

His best friend was there. Alec knew that no matter what happened, as long as he had Simon there with him, everything would seem a lot less harder.

But Simon couldn't fight heartbreak with him.

Just at the though, tears pressed at Alec's eyes, and quickly Alec was crying again, and being moved to sit back down at his stool by Simon. 

Simon's hand was on Alec's shoulder, keeping Alec grounded enough to take deep breaths and wipe the tears from his cheeks. Alec knew that he probably looked like a mess, that the shirt Magnus had given him was rumpled and the shoes were scuffed. His face must've been bright red and puffy. But Simon looked at Alec with love. 

Just like he always had.

"So. Are you going to tell me about what happened? Or am I going to have to guess? Because, do you remember how much you made fun of me last time I guessed. I know I remember." 

Alec smiled into his coffee, before taking a small sip. Black with sugar. "I remember. You asked me if it had to do with Lydia Branwell getting a boyfriend. I straight up just told you I was gay." 

Simon nodded, a smile playing at his lips. "That was when I realized I had to have you as a best friend." 

"And now look where we are. I'll tell you what happened, but, please, order something. We're going to be here a while. Also, I'm really hungry and that poor girl is already so tired of me."

Simon grinned. "Sounds like a p, l, a, n."

"Why can't you just say 'sounds like a plan', like a normal person would've?"

Simon's brown eyes traveled over the menu. "Because I am anything but normal."

Alec nodded. Simon wasn't wrong. Alec looked on the counter for a menu but couldn't find one, so he just snatched the menu out of Simon's hand, ignoring Simon's cry. 

"Alec!"

Alec sighed, looking through the pastas. He wanted some carbs. "Si, you're going to get the same thing you get at every place we go. Chicken tenders, extra fries and a Sprite. Don't try to switch it up."

Simon sighed. "Fuck you for knowing exactly what I was going to get."

"I want some alfredo. Doesn't that sound really good? I think that sounds really good."

"Oh no. You're eating carbs. Something really bad must've happened. Should I be nervous? Should my Sprite have some vodka in it? I don't know what to do for this sort of situation."

Alec sighed, rolling his eyes and setting the menu down on the bar. "There is no situation. I'm just going to be telling you about how everything went to fucking shit tonight, while trying not to bawl my eyes out. Again. Tonight we're going to see how good I do at holding in my emotions."

"You know that's bad for you! Isabelle is always talking about how you're going to explode and then-"

"I literally think I already did explode. Tonight- well, tonight was shit. But I have you now."

Simon grinned. "Hell yeah. We should go to a club, go drinking."

Alec decided that he was very lucky to have Simon in his life. "I think that sounds fucking fabulous."

"Score. I've been trying to get your ass out and into a club for  _years_. My hard work has finally paid off. I wanna write a book about this moment in particular. Do you think anyone would buy it?"

Alec shrugged, looking for the small redhead. "I know I wouldn't. It's not that big of a deal. I'm twenty-one years old, I should be able to go out and drink without feeling as if that's an accomplishment. You ass."

"Hi, did you- Simon?"

Simon looked up from his phone, looking at the freckled redhead with pale skin and big green eyes. Simon's face went from confusion to surprise within a second. "Clary?"

Alec was looking between the two of them with confused eyes. He didn't know what the fuck was going on.

"Clary, this- this is my best friend Alec. I met him when I moved to Rhode Island."

Clary smiled at Alec, but she didn't take her eyes off of Simon.

Alec was starting to feel uncomfortable, watching this random girl staring at his best friend like she'd known him for-  _oh_. Alec had finally met the infamous Clary Fray. 

She looked exactly like Simon had told him she did, which was weird, because that was a very long time ago.

"Hi. I'm the one who's been trying to drown you in tears. It's nice to finally meet you."

Clary finally turned her eyes to Alec, and her emerald eyes were nostalgic, as if she was remembering so many past memories. Alec was positive that she had been. "It's nice to meet you too. So, what can I get you?"

 

"Now that you have your fucking alfredo and I have my tenders 'n Sprite, wanna tell me what happened?" Simon asked, dipping one of his many fries into ketchup and eating the entire fry all in one bite.

Alec took a sip of his newly ordered water, looking down at the pasta in front of him. "I saw my dad."

Simon must've taken too much fry because he started coughing, hitting his chest like that would help him at all. Alec offered his water and Simon took a small sip, his red face going back to its normal color after a few minutes. "You did what?"

"Well, Magnus took me to a family dinner. But my dad was there."

Simon glanced at Alec. "Your dad isn't family."

"Yeah, well, neither am I. Anyways, I exploded, and said some shit I have been wanting to say ever since he kicked me out. Magnus was beside me the whole time, and somehow, it felt easier."

Alec could already see the fire building in Simon's eyes, and he hoped that Simon wouldn't burn up when he told him the shit that happened with Magnus. 

Alec cleared his throat before starting again, looking down at his full plate the entire time. "We got back home, and I was really really horny, right? And-"

"Eww," Simon said quietly, almost too quiet for Alec to hear. Alec spared Simon a small smile before continuing.

"So, I was horny and I wanted a kiss. So he kissed me, and stuff got a bit out of hand- I wasn't thinking right and I just pushed him too far."

Alec didn't know if he should've told Simon about Magnus not liking being touched. It would've helped Alec out, having someone else there to help him go through what the fuck was actually going on with Magnus, but Alec decided to hold back. It wasn't his secret to tell.

"He flipped out, and pushed me off of his lap- with almost ended in a casualty."

Simon stopped Alec with a hand- a chicken tender held tightly in his grip. "What do you mean, 'almost ended in a casualty'? Did he hit you? Alec-"

"Simon, he didn't hit me. I just said that he pushed me off of his lap, didn't I? I almost fell on my ass, but I caught myself before I could make an even bigger fool of myself. We- we uh, got in a fight, and I pretty much uncovered my biggest secret."

Simon was quiet, letting Alec admit to him what his biggest secret  _really_ was.

"I told him that I loved him. And he said "No.", like that would make me stop. It hurt and I left, and he didn't stop me. So now I'm here."

Simon rolled his shoulders back, taking a vicious bit of his chicken. "I kinda want to kick his ass."

"You would literally be destroyed."

Simon nodded. "Yes, probably. Doesn't mean a man can't dream. Alec, I'm sorry. Why does Magnus care so much that you love him? I don't get it. Unless you were expecting for him to say it back and he didn't want to."

"No, I wasn't expecting that. I wasn't expecting anything. God, I want to be so mad at him. I just- I'm trying and trying to make myself believe that this isn't really love, that it's a fluke, like it was with Jace, you know? But it's not. It's not Simon, and that's what hurts. I'm in love with him, and he can't even deal with that."

Simon threw his chicken tender back down on his plate. "Let's go drink."

"Wait let me at least take one bite. Can't drink on an empty stomach, you know?"

Simon smiled. "Oh, also that date with Isabelle didn't go too well."

Alec looked up at Simon with questioning eyes.

"I realized that I just don't like her like that. She agreed that she felt the same way about me. It was all very civil. But, you know what that means."

Alec swallowed his bite of alfredo. It was actually really good, very creamy. "No. What does that mean?"

"I can talk to that hot guy that came to pick you up today."

Alec smirked, grabbing some more alfredo off of his plate. "Yeah, he asked about you."

"What! Alec, how could you keep this from me? I feel betrayed!"

Alec rolled his eyes. He swallowed quickly so he could answer. "I was a bit busy, if you do remember. But next time I'll just drop everything so I can text you. How does that sound?"

Simon nodded. "Sounds good with me. Asshole."

Alec smiled as he got more noodles on his fork. 

This easy banter with Simon was something that Alec was comfortable doing. Something he liked. 

No matter how sucky Alec felt at the moment, Simon was there blabbing on about some new show he found, giving Alec all of the comfort in the world. 

Eventually Alec would have to face his problems. But he was okay with drinking, for now.

 

"So, this club I found is called Pandemonium," Simon said, looking down at his phone while him and Alec walked around the grimey streets of New York.

Alec knew that there was a certain beauty to New York. It wasn't in the dirt scrubbed down in the streets or the litter trashing the side walks when,  _"there is literally a fucking trash can two feet away what the hell are these people doing?_ _"_

Alec wanted to move to New York more than anything else. Even if it meant he had to face his problems because he'd be more likely to see Magnus around, so be it. Alec was willing to do that.

"So the clubs name basically means uproar, did you know that?" Alec asked, grabbing Simon's shoulders and guiding him through the crowd of people. 

The sun had set, and the night had fallen in its place, the stars not shining as bright as Alec always remembered.  _Maybe they're sad too_ , Alec mused silently, his heart heavy, hanging like the moon in the dark sky. 

Alec was excited to have his first clubbing experience, especially because it would be with Simon.

Simon finally put his phone in his back pocket, looking up and cocking his head to look at Alec walking behind him. "I did know that. Maybe this club is going to be wild as hell. What if there's strippers. Have you ever seen a stripper before?"

Alec shrugged. "I mean, strippers walk around just like normal people, so I've probably seen a stripper, at least once."

Simon rolled his eyes. "No, smart ass, I meant have you ever seen a stripper actually stripping before?"

Alec shook his head even though Simon couldn't really see him. "Nope. I wonder what my stripper name would be? Alec Hardwood?"

Simon threw his head back with a laugh, and Alec couldn't help but laugh with him. Simon's snorting, squeaky laugh had always been contagious, and Alec had a very weak immune system. 

"What about yours?" Alec asked after calming down.

Simon thought for a moment, smiling as a good idea popped into his head. "This idea came to me because of your stripper name, but hear this: Rocky Balboner."

Alec giggled, the sound cut off as he bumped into a stranger. "Sorry."

Simon slowed down so he could walk beside Alec, bumping his shoulder into Alec's upper arm. "Hey. I'm thinking that we do a double strip. Everyone would have a heart attack."

Alec nodded, his face a mask of seriousness. "I think that would be the mature thing to do, yes."

When Simon turned to see Alec smiling, he laughed. 

Alec joined in after a moment. 

 

Pandemonium was full of flashing lights, smoke, and people. 

There were flashes of green, blue, red, purple, and a really bright yellow color that burned Alec's eyes and made him feel like he was looking head on at the sun. 

The smoke was drifting around in fleeting wisps, touching Alec's body gently like fingers. The music was loud and pounding, rattling Alec's brain in his head like a coin shaken in a jar.

Simon looked pretty happy where they were, pushing through the wall of bodies to get to the almost-empty bar with a smile on his face. Simon and Alec stuck out like sore thumbs because neither of them were wearing leather and had normal colored hair.

The thought that Magnus would love it there crossed Alec's head, but he brushed it away like he would a bug. Tonight was about him and Simon, not Magnus. No matter how much Alec was aching, his body yelling for Magnus, Alec would make sure the name was clear off of his mind. 

Simon sat at one of the empty bar stools, leaving Alec to sit beside him. The music was a lot quieter near the bar, and there was a low chatter in this area, allowing people to talk amongst each other or with the bartender. 

The bar was drenched in a bright blue light, making everything look alien and si-fi. 

A pretty black girl with curly hair tamed into two braids came and stood in front of them. Alec didn't really look twice at the pretty curve of her hips, but he imagined Simon was. Her eyes were honey brown, and her skin looked like it was glowing thanks to the lights. 

She smiled at them. "Are you two going to order?"

Alec grinned and nodded. "I think I am. What's the strongest thing you have?"

The bartender thought for a moment. "I can get you a Long Island Iced Tea. It has gin, tequila, rum, triple sec, and vodka in it. And it has coke in it."

Alec nodded, before stopping a minute. "The soda, right?"

The bartender giggled, obviously knowing what Alec was suggesting. "Yes, the soda. And you?" She asked, addressing Simon. 

Simon looked lost for a moment before closing his mouth and composing himself enough to not look like a creep. "I'll take what he's getting. Please."

She smiled at the both of them and started mixing up their drinks.

Alec turned to Simon. "We're gonna dance."

"After our drinks?"

Alec nodded. He would have to have at least one drink before dancing with all of the people piled on the dance floor. 

It wasn't that Alec was self conscious of his dancing. There were a lot worse dancers- for example, Simon- but Alec didn't think that he'd be able to just start grinding with a bunch of random ass people he wouldn't remember for the rest of his life.

The bartender girl set the drinks in front of Alec and Simon, with a soft smile, before she was off getting other orders for other drinks.

The Long Island Iced Tea looked a lot like a regular cup of coke would, but there was a little lemon clipped to the side of the glass, and when Alec smelled it, he smelled the definitive smell of alcohol. 

He picked the glass up off of the bar, and clinked his glass with Simon's. 

"To popping Alec's club cherry," Simon said with a smile.

Alec smiled back, ignoring the fact he'd talked about that same thing with Magnus, because he would not be one of the people that pined and pined and pined until they felt bad enough about themselves to wallow in pity. 

Alec took a sip of the drink, swallowing down the burning alcohol. Alec came up coughing, much like Simon.

Simon nodded. "Yup. That's strong."

 

Alec was very drunk and very messily dancing with some girl. She looked to be enjoying it too much and Alec didn't know how to break the news that he wasn't into her rather large breasts. 

So instead of doing that, Alec slurred out that he had to go to the bathroom, and he gave Simon a nice pat on his back on the way there. Simon looked up at Alec and smiled lazily, waving to Alec as he passed. 

Simon was talking to the bartender girl- Maia, Alec remembered- and they looked to be having fun. That's what mattered to Alec.

Never before had Alec seen a line outside of a men's restroom, but there he was, waiting to pee. He pulled his phone out of the back pocket of his slacks, and frowned when he noticed a few messages from Isabelle and Jace. 

Alec ignored them, going straight to his contacts. 

His muddled up brain told him deleting Magnus' number was a good idea. That it would save him a lot of trouble to just be rid of Magnus and find a nice man who didn't like using whips on people during sex. 

But as soon as Alec's finger hovered over the 'delete contact' button, he shook his head, instead pushing the call button and putting his phone up to his ear.

It rang twice, before Magnus' voice came through, just as soft and gentle as Alec remembered. 

"Alexander? Thank God, I've been worried sick! Didn't you see my messages?"

Alec sighed into his phone. "Yo-you're so confusing!"

Alec's words were all slurred together, but he couldn't find it in himself to give a shit. 

"First you invite me to this dinner and then! You protect me! But whenever I tell you I love you and-and try to touch you, you push me off- which, hurt my ass, by the way- and don't tell me to stay so we can talk about this! That's bullshit!"

Magnus cleared his throat, probably a bit uncomfortable. "Alexander, are you drunk?"

Alec waved that away with his hand, as if Magnus was standing there and could see him. "Shush, I'm on a roll. You don't tell me anything, even though I told you  _everything_ , and it-it- I just..."

Alec couldn't think of anything to say, so he hung up the phone. 

That settled it, then. Magnus would leave him alone, and Alec would-

Alec's phone started vibrating in his hand, and he looked down to see Magnus' name flashing on the screen. 

Alec picked it up quickly. "Listen, I'm sorry-"

"I'm coming to get you," Magnus said, his voice holding no argument, before the line went silent. 

Alec listened for something that would tell him Magnus was on the other line, but there was no sound. "Magnus? Magnus!"

Alec pulled the phone away from his ear, and the screen was black.

"Fuck."

 

After going pee, Alec decided to take a step outside and get some fresh air.

His stomach felt unsettled and he was positive it wasn't just because of the alcohol- although, that did play a part in his stomach ache. His mind was whirling with the thought of seeing Magnus again, some of the thoughts sad and painful for Alec to think, some of them dirty, and some of them being that him and Magnus would just talk like regular people.

Alec exited Pandemonium clumsily, almost tripping over his feet to stand against the brick wall of the building. There were still a few people bustling around, but most of them were stumbling just as bad as him, walking down the street in giggling packs of three or more. 

Alec leaned his head against the brick wall, taking in huge gulps of air, trying to calm his rapid heart. He opened his eyes to look at the stars, a sure way to calm himself. 

He counted the stars he could see, restarting when he noticed that he skipped one and starting again. 

Alec didn't know what his obsession with stars was about. Maybe it was because when Max was alive, him, Alec, Jace, and Izzy used to go look at the stars- and sometimes Simon would come along as well, and seeing stars made him think of better times. 

Maybe it was that the stars would always be there. All you had to do was get through the day. 

Or maybe the stars were just big balls of hydrogen and helium and Alec was just a man of flesh and blood and bones. 

Alec was at thirty counting the stars when he felt someone brush up against his side. He turned, expecting Magnus, but he saw the girl from the club standing beside him instead, watching him with big blue eyes, a lot like his own. 

Her blonde hair was a frizzy mess, some of it sticking to her face with sweat. She was still beautiful, though, and Alec found himself smiling at her. 

"Hi," Alec said conversationally. 

She smiled back. "Hello. So, I'm Lydia."

Lydia held a hand out to him, and Alec shook her hand.

"Alec. So, what brings you out here on this fine evening?"

Lydia smiled. "A little bit of this. A little bit of that. Also you're really cute."

Alec held up a hand. "Well see, about that, I happen to not like vaginas so..."

Lydia's eyes widened. "Oh! No, not like that! I'm married! It's my bachelorette party tonight, actually. Getting married in two days."

Alec smiled. "That's amazing. Wanna tell me about this person you're marrying?"

"His name is John. I've been in love with him for as long as I can remember. Even before I really knew what love was. He's so kind. Too good for this world. I don't know how I managed to get him, but I'm not complaining."

Alec grinned. "You're beautiful! And you're probably kind too, talking to little old me out here. Speaking of, why aren't you with your girls, or whatever women do at bachelorette parties?"

Lydia smiled. "I thought you were sweet. It also got really hot in there. I felt like I was in an ocean of humans."

Alec nodded. "I get the feeling."

Lydia looked over at Alec. "And what are you doing out here?"

Alec sighed. "Well, I know I'm waiting for someone, but I'm going to lie and say that it's because I needed some fresh air. It's helping to clear my head. Which I'm going to need to talk to this particular person."

"Talk to them about what?"

Alec shrugged, before looking down and seeing a flower where there was weeds growing out of the crack in the concrete. "Him and I just have some problems right now. I just- I love him so much. I don't want to lose this part of my life. So I'm willing to talk to him, even if it's going to suck."

"Why do you think it's going to suck?"

Alec knelt down, picking the small yellow flower. "Because I don't want to hurt him."

Alec stood, glancing over at Lydia. There was a soft smile on her face. "Sometimes it hurts to move on."

"Alexander?" 

Alec literally lost his breath. Magnus' voice was like all of the stars put together and hung on a necklace for Alec to wear. It was comforting and beautiful and Alec wanted to hear it for the rest of his life. 

Maybe Magnus should sell recordings of his voice.

Alec looked at Magnus. Magnus looked rumpled as if he'd been awoken from sleep, and Alec was sure that he hadn't been- Magnus had probably been working- his shirt from earlier was unbuttoned and untucked. His hair was all black, and it was sticking up everywhere. Magnus' face was clean of makeup and he looked so beautiful.

"I picked you a flower," Alec said handing over the flower he'd picked. 

Magnus looked surprised for a moment before grabbing the flower from Alec's hands. "Thank you, baby. Are you here with Simon?"

Alec didn't know why that was relevant but he nodded anyways. 

Magnus turned his head to the side. "Raph, can you go find Simon please. I'm pretty sure you know what he looks like, yes?"

Raphael walked up, waving at Alec sarcastically. "Yes, I do, actually. Alec you look really drunk."

Alec held up a hand. "Hold that thought a moment."

Alec bent over to the side opposite of Lydia and vomited up his stomach. He felt Magnus' hands on his back, making soothing circles in the soft skin between his shoulder blades. 

Alec heaved again, and when nothing came up, he straightened up. "My stomach hurts."

Magnus pulled a handkerchief out of his back pocket- a  _handkerchief-_ before wiping Alec's mouth off for him. "This is why you need to drink water between alcohol. Do you think you'll need to throw up again?"

Alec laid his head on Magnus' shoulder. "That sounds very realistic."

Magnus kissed the top of Alec's head, before turning his eyes to Lydia who was still standing there, her eyes on Magnus. "Hi."

Lydia smiled. "Hello. You have a good one there."

Magnus nodded. "I do, don't I?"

Lydia walked up to Magnus, leaning in to whisper in his ear so Alec couldn't hear her. "Don't let him chicken out. And don't hurt him."

With that, Lydia was walking into the bar, leaving Magnus to stare after her with wide eyes. 

"Hey Magnus?" Alec asked quietly.

Magnus wrapped an arm around Alec's shoulder. "Yes darling?"

Alec sniffed quietly. "Can I go home with you tonight? I just- I want to talk to you. Preferably when I'm sober, but I just want to talk."

Magnus nodded even though Alec couldn't see him. "Yes. You can come home with me. Do you want to go now?"

Alec picked his head off of Magnus' shoulder. "Will Raphael take care of Simon?"

Magnus smiled, touching Alec's cheek softly. Leave it to Alec to be throwing up and worried about Simon. "He will. Come on, baby. Let's get you into bed."

Alec grabbed Magnus' hand and they walked off together, the stars decorating the inside of Alec's eyelids every time he blinked.

Starry-eyed and in love. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know that wasn't the talk we were all waiting for, but i am about to make a promise that will be fufilled- IN THE NEXT CHAPTER. they will have the talk about magnus' past! this chapter just got too long and i didn't want too rush into it. that talk is the sort of talk you need to a special part for, seeing as it's such a big part of this story. sorry if that's not what you're wanting but tOO bad ;)  
> i still love you guys a lot <3
> 
> GUYS THIS ONCE I TOOK A BUZZFEED QUIZ AND IT SAID MY STRIPPER NAME WOULD BE ROCKY BALBONER ARE YOU JEALOUS YET?  
> that's why i gave it to my boy si. i trust him with it. 
> 
> \--fourth installation of meh  
> a bunch of random facts:  
> -my favorite flavor of ice cream is chocolate chip cookie dough and my favorite ruelle song is the other side.  
> -i love disney movies, more particularly mulan.  
> -i am the biggest hoe for divergent and i always will be  
> -the lunar chronicles is one of the best books series ever and i wILL FIGHT SOMEONE OVER THAT  
> -i have a teddy bear. odd, right? WRONG. his name is kurt. (yes, like kurt from glee)  
> -my biggest fears are SPIDERS AND ZOMBIES. a wise dude once said "i was born afraid"  
> -i am scared of zombies but am currently watching the walking dead. (CAN I GET A HOYAH FOR MY BOY GLENN)  
> -ed sheeran is literally the most amazing thing to ever exist and i love him so much & his music makes my heart hurt in such a good way  
> -i have purple hair  
> -i have blue braces (they hurt very bad never get them)  
> -i'm really good at drawing eyes  
> -i'm freakishly good at english. it's also my fav subject so there's that.  
> -i suck ass at math and i'm okay with that  
> -history can sUCK MY ASS  
> -science is great  
> -i LOVE orchestra  
> -two things my family is good at 1. eating 2. making people laugh  
> -my best friend is literally my mom  
> -i really love ed sheeran. like a lot.  
> -i have a picture of the most iconic malec kiss on my wall. dead ass.  
> -the moon fascinates me.  
> -i also really love stars  
> -i absolutely cannot wrap my head around the fact that the universe literally goes on forever. (HOW?)  
> -i cuss so much, honestly my vocabulary is pretty much cuss words and random things from shadowhutners.  
> -i call matt daddy matty & harry yummy shummy. (soMEONE HELP ME)  
> -i actually want to be magnus bane.  
> \--that's all for now. congratulations, you now know how fucking weird i am. :)
> 
> i know that some shit is mixed up from the fsog plot line, but i've pretty much said fuck it to that, so you've all been blessed with the original mmfs. i just love this messy ass story so much. :))))))
> 
> as always, kudos & comments are welcome <3 (for every comment, magnus bane kisses alec lightwood on the tip of the nose. i don't make the rules, friends.)
> 
> -find me on twitter @salyersbaby so we can be bored together. 
> 
> all the love, angels <3


	11. I Can't Say No, It's Ripping Me Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus talk.
> 
> Magnus shows Alec how BDSM works.
> 
> Alec and Magnus talk pt.2 :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, darlings!
> 
> i want to say thank you for all of the love on the last chapter! i'm so glad that y'all love this story just as much as i do :)
> 
> warning: deep, intense talks. speaking of past abuse and past suicide. BDSM this chapter- so, smut. also fluff & hugs :).  
> a very heavy chapter, with a very light ending. 
> 
> i think one of the hardest things for me to write about is magnus' past, especially if it's bad- as it usually is. i love magnus with all of my heart, and even just writing about this hurts.  
> imagine what i was like when 2x15 aired, good lord.
> 
> yes, y'all are getting the damn talk finally. i just had to keep everyone on their toes :)
> 
> guys it's so hot today- over 100- and i am literally melting. i just want to move to the north pole and be done with all of this fucking sweat and heat.
> 
> enjoy, angels <3
> 
> -i finally had to find a new song for the chapter titles! this is from habits of my heart by jaymes young. it's a beautiful song, go check it out.

Alec woke up to a throbbing headache and a warm arm wrapped around his waist. He knew that he was with Magnus. Alec could remember the night before perfectly, which was odd because he knew that a lot of people- Jace- weren't like that. 

Alec remembered talking to Lydia clearly, and he remembered one thing that she said, wrapped around his head like a vine.  _Sometimes it hurts to move on._

That was an understatement. 

Alec had been through it before; having to move on. It was hard because you don't forget that pain. You don't. You live with it and breathe with it and sleep with it, and it's always there, always going to be there. Even if it lessens, pain never leaves. 

But you have to leave. Have to keep going, keep pushing, because there's always a small part of you- whether you listen to it or not- that wants you to go, to not forget, but to live with that pain.

Magnus, a beautiful man that Alec really didn't deserve, had to live with pain. Every time Magnus looked in a mirror he probably saw his scars. That was a reminder of something that was painful, something that hurt him. 

Yet, there Magnus was, his breath a gentle stirring to the blue shirt on Alec. His hair was beautiful and thick, and Alec ran his fingers through it because this, right here, was what he wanted. He wanted to wake up and the first that he see be Magnus. He wanted the first thing he heard in the morning to be Magnus's musical voice. For the first time in his entire life, maybe, Alec knew what he wanted. 

Magnus' face was peaceful, a look that Alec didn't see often enough. His eyes were smoothed closed, his mouth in a soft line, his lips open on his breaths. Magnus' face was a plain that Alec wanted to memorize beneath his hands, beneath his mouth. Alec wanted to adventure into every nook and curve and bend on Magnus' body. 

What sucked was that Alec knew he couldn't do that. He couldn't touch Magnus where he wanted. Couldn't put a different sort of feeling on the parts of his body that must be numb to the heat of another hand. 

Magnus must've put Alec in different clothes because Alec was positive he'd been in his maroon button down and slacks, but now he was in a blue shirt and black boxers. 

Magnus was wearing an olive green shirt that was bound to bring out the stunning green of his eyes, and when Alec peaked under the canary yellow sheets, he saw that Magnus was wearing orange boxers that made Alec smile, because who wants  _orange_ boxers?

Alec trailed his fingers gently down the side of Magnus' face, before slipping from Magnus' hold and standing up, watching as Magnus turned around and got comfortable again, cuddling into the comforter. 

Alec smiled softly, his heart exploding into his eyes as he looked down on the man that he loved. 

Alec left the room, giving Magnus one last look, before heading off into the bathroom, trying to find some medicine to tame his pounding headache. 

Alec remembered when Magnus had put him to bed. Alec had fought him playfully, trying- and failing- to get out of bed. Magnus had looked amused, his gold-green eyes sparkling. Alec had giggled when he stumbled, and made a very dirty comment about Magnus' arms when Magnus had gently laid him down on the bed. 

Magnus had just smiled, kissing Alec on top of the head and tucking Alec in.

Alec had grabbed Magnus' arm and asked him to stay, to fill up the bed, to make the sheets warm, to make Alec's heart not feel so lonely. 

And Magnus had stayed. 

After taking the pills, Alec sat right there on the cold, tiled floor in the bathroom, taking deep breaths. 

There were no stars where he was, no way to calm himself. So Alec laid out on the bathroom floor, putting his forehead on the chilly tile. 

Alec had never had any sort of panic attack before, and he didn't think this classified as one. If anyone were to ask, he would say he was catching his second wind, just refilling his lungs. 

Thinking about Magnus terrified Alec. Not because he was scared of Magnus, per se, but because he was afraid to be hurt by Magnus. 

Or to hurt Magnus. 

Alec knew he probably didn't have the power to hurt Magnus. To Magnus, Alec wasn't the love of his life. Yeah, he liked Alec, but he obviously didn't love Alec, or his reaction the night before wouldn't have been so monumental. 

Maybe to Magnus this was just a fling, and he'd be done with Alec after a few months, and Alec would just be alone. 

"Alexander? Are you okay?"

Alec didn't move from his spot on the floor, but instead held up a thumb. 

Magnus didn't say anything. Alec didn't know if Magnus was still even in there.

But when Alec opened his eyes, Magnus was right there, laying on the floor beside him. Alec noticed Magnus was wearing a pair of sweatpants- one Alec recognized quite well. Alec had worn them before, he remembered.  

Magnus' eyes were already trained on Alec, and he had his hands curled into his chest, wrinkling his olive green shirt and looking like an afraid child. Or maybe a concerned child. 

"What happened?" Magnus asked, his eyes traveling Alec's face as if to check that he was all okay.

Alec's heart pitter-pattered in his chest, pumping nerves and love and  _more_ nerves through his bloodstream and into his lungs so every time he breathed, he was (hopefully) exhaling the nerves and love and more nerves. Well, maybe not the love. Alec wanted to keep that running through him.

"I was just thinking. About- about us. And you. And I guess it just scared the shit out of me."

Magnus' eyebrows drew together, and Alec could see a flickering pain in his eyes, like a flame. "I scared you?"

Alec shook his head, but maybe Magnus did scare him. Actually, intimidated would be a better word. Magnus intimidated him. "No, I'm not scared of you. It's just- I don't think you get how much this sucks for me. Being in love with you but not able to act on it."

It was the first time Alec had admitted that he loved Magnus- at least out loud- since last night, when everything got a little too fucked up for recognition.

Alec saw pain flash in Magnus' eyes, and Alec couldn't decipher what it was for. Was the pain for Magnus? Or for Alec? 

"Alexander, I know that this sucks for you. I do. But there's a reason I cant be touched. And-and there's a reason I refuse to- to fall in love."

It was the first time Alec had  _ever_ heard Magnus stutter. The first time Alec had ever seen Magnus unsure. It hurt Alec to know that there was a reason Magnus was this way; that Magnus was afraid of love, and to be loved. 

Alec grabbed one of Magnus' hands off of his chest, holding it to his own, right over his heart. Magnus must've been able to feel the rapid beating of Alec's heart, the way it seemed to pound against the cage holding it in. 

"Help me understand. Tell me  _why._ "

Alec could practically  _sense_ the trepidation Magnus felt, like it was a tangible thing. Alec wanted to coax it away to make Magnus instead focus on the fact that he was loved. 

Magnus took a deep breath, curling his hand on Alec's chest into his shirt tightly, before pulling Alec forwards and setting his forehead against Alec's. Alec felt his heart racing in his chest, his breath hitching at the closeness; so close he could see the colors of Magnus' eyes clearly. Dark green around the outside, gold and light green exploding out of his dark iris', which had dilated very largely, and Alec couldn't fathom why. 

"As you know, when I was a child I lived in Indonesia. My mother was amazing. Beautiful, loving. She took care of me. Which also meant that she had to work as a prostitute."

Alec's heart had started pulsing sympathy through him, making Alec feel a jumble a feelings that he could barely decipher from the other. But he didn't feel pity. Never pity.

"I never knew that, of course, until I got a bit older. Maybe around seven. Anyways, I never knew my  _real_ father. I don't even know if he's alive. But my stepfather was a horrible, horrible man. He knew about what my mother did, and every time she'd come home from a client, he'd beat her. "For cheating" he'd say, even though he never did anything himself to help her."

There were tears gathering in Magnus' eyes, and it hurt Alec, it  _hurt_ him to see Magnus like this. Scared of his own past, and in pain. 

"He used to beat me when she wasn't there. He would have his friends over, and they'd get drunk. They'd make me stand there while they put their cigarettes out on my chest. And then when there wasn't enough room there, they did it on my back. It hurt so bad, Alexander. And they just laughed when I cried."

A tear slipped from Magnus' eye and slid over the bridge of his nose. Alec didn't know what to do. There were tears clawing themselves up his own throat.

"One night, I remember that the entire house was quiet. All of it. I didn't know why- my mother was home, and she'd always hum as she moved around. I went to check, and-and then I s-saw her."

Tears were flowing out of Magnus' eyes, and he choked on a sob. Alec did what he knew. He wrapped his arms around Magnus in a hug. Magnus fell into his embrace, his head on Alec's chest, his tears soaking through Alec's shirt. Alec had to hold in his own tears because he had to be strong for Magnus. 

"She'd hung herself to escape my stepfather. She didn't think about the fact that she'd be leaving me behind. I sat at her feet for hours, b-begging her to wake up, sobbing when she wouldn't. My stepfather got home, and he laughed. He was shit-faced, and had a beer bottle in his hand, that he he threw. It shattered and cut my face. Not deep enough to leave a scar, but I'll always remember how scared I was. He kept talking about how I deserved to die right along with her, and that's exactly what he tried to do."

Alec shook his head, pulling away a bit to look down at Magnus. "No."

"Yeah. My stepdad tried to kill me. But as he cornered my with his hands out- to strangle me, I supposed- I grabbed a knife off of the counter behind me, and I killed him. I was drenched in his blood and terrified. I called the police and I had been in shock for  _hours_ , not talking, not moving. Catarina had been in Indonesia for a trip, helping out the hospital. She talked to me- told me not to be afraid. I had to be in an orphanage for almost a month, but Cat got me. She saved my life, pretty much. And then I came to New York with her, and met Raphael. I loved him like I've never loved anyone. He's my little brother, you know? He was the only person I talked to a while. He was funny and prickly, and I couldn't have asked for a better sibling.

"And then we got Jem, and he was kind and selfless, and he loved me from the start. It took me a while to warm up to him- a lot longer than it took me with Raph- but that's just the thing. I do love him, and I love Cat, and I love Jeremy. But I'm afraid of my feelings for you."

Alec felt nerves wrap around him like tight vines. So Magnus did have feelings for him. "Why?"

"Because you make me want to do stuff I've never done before. I want to wake up looking at you and have a vanilla relationship, and do the chocolates and flowers. I've never done that with anyone else. You're changing me and I'm terrified."

Alec kissed the top of Magnus' forehead. "You changed me too. I want to try."

Magnus scooted away, sitting up and looking down at Alec with bright eyes. "Try what, exactly?"

Alec sat up as well, his eyes never leaving Magnus'. "I want to be your sub."

 

The red room looked exactly like Alec remembered. Stands full of different sorts of whips, the walls showing off different tools. The large bed covered in red sheets, sexual and making Alec feel a little bit uncomfortable in his pants. 

Red silk just screamed  _sex_. At least to Alec.

"Take off your shirt," Magnus ordered softly, releasing Alec's hand as soon as they stepped over the threshold into the room. Alec waited until Magnus had closed the door behind him to pull off the blue shirt, dropping it soundlessly to the floor, and looking over at Magnus with a small blush tinting his cheeks. 

Magnus touched a gentle finger onto Alec's cheek, making Alec's face heat even more, before Magnus pulled away, his whole demeanor changing. He looked strong, intimidating. 

A dominant. 

Magnus' eyes were demanding Alec's attention, holding desire and heat, so hot that Alec's whole body was on fire. Alec was made up of flames and adrenaline and nerves and excitement. 

He was an intoxicating mix of fire and ice, the different sides of him warring with each other, both trying to win and failing. He was nervous just as much as he was excited, he was trepidatious just as he was calm. 

"On your knees."

Alec fell carefully to his knees, laying his hands on his thighs and keeping his eyes trained up at Magnus, watching as Magnus licked his lips and looked Alec up and down. 

Magnus inhaled deeply his chest puffing out a bit. "Do you know how fucking beautiful you look like this?"

Alec shook his head. "No. No, Sir, I don't. Show me?"

Magnus grinned. "Oh, I plan to. Do you know of the color system?"

Alec thought that it was pretty self explanatory, but said no anyways, just so that he didn't get anything wrong and upset Magnus somehow.

"Red means stop, that you don't want any more. Yellow means you want me to slow down, but after a break you can keep going. Green means that you're good with what I'm doing and you want me to continue."

Alec nodded. "Green, then."

"Good boy. Stay there, I will be right back. Keep your head down and your eyes on the floor."

Alec did as told, looking at the carpeted floor he was kneeling on. The carpet was fluffy beneath Alec's legs and an off-white color. Alec tried not to think about how many people were sitting in this position before him, but instead just thought about what Magnus could possibly have planned. 

Alec spread his knees apart a little bit more, hoping to get a bit more comfortable, when he heard the sound of Magnus' muffled footsteps on the carpet.

There was a small gust of wind as Magnus walked in front of him, standing there and watching Alec for a moment. Alec didn't look up to see Magnus, but he did notice that Magnus was wearing a pair of blue jeans- that were just like Magnus, tight and fitted to his body. There were rips in the legs of the jeans, Magnus' dark skin poking out of the holes. 

"You look stunning. Absolutely stunning, Alexander. Stand up."

Alec stood, his hands pressed tight to his side, his eyes still trained on the floor. The boxer briefs he had on were tight to him, his erection pushing against the material uncomfortably. 

Magnus moved forward, kissing Alec on the corner of the lip, making Alec's heart flip and twist in his chest. Alec's stomach was a mess of nerves and excitement, jumbled together. 

Alec gasped when Magnus' palm touched his clothed erection, rubbing him gently through his boxers. 

Magnus' lips found Alec's neck, sucking and biting, no doubt leaving marks. 

Alec could barely contain a moan when Magnus' hand started inching into his boxers with slow movements. 

The first cool touch to his dick had Alec biting his lip and squeezing his eyes shut.

Magnus pulled away from Alec's neck, watching as Alec tried to quiet himself. 

Magnus quickly wrapped his hand around Alec's dick without preamble, causing a moan to slip out of Alec's plump lips. Alec flushed, looking up at Magnus with bleary blue eyes, but Magnus didn't tell him to be quiet. He wasn't upset. 

Magnus quite liked hearing Alec moan.

Magnus pulled his hand out of Alec's boxers, making a small whine come from Alec's throat, before he was backing away. "Take off your underwear."

Alec look disoriented a moment, before he did as told, slipping off the little things and standing naked for Magnus.

Magnus's eyes devoured Alec, causing Alec to shiver with anticipation.

Magnus grabbed Alec's hand, pulling Alec over to the foot of the bed and telling Alec to stand still and stay right there.

Alec did as told, watching his fingers tremble with nerves and excitement. 

Magnus reached up, pulling something down from the ceiling. It clicked in place and startled Alec making him look up to see what Magnus pulled down. It was some sort of metal contraption, that had cuffs hanging down from the holes. 

Handcuffs, with padding on the inside of them, one for each of Alec's hands.

"I'm going to cuff you up to where your arms are above your head. Color?"

Alec raised his arms up. "Green."

Magnus licked his lips, his eyes traveling the length of Alec's arms, before moving forward to cuff Alec up, his fingers lingering against Alec's already overheated skin. 

The cuffs were gentle on Alec's wrists, and Alec quite liked the feeling of having his arms held up above his head.

Magnus touched Alec's neck with the pads of his fingers, trailing one hand down the side of Alec's neck, and over his collar bone, his movement stopping when he got to Alec's nipple. Magnus pinched Alec's nipple, before rolling it between two fingers, causing Alec to moan deep in his throat. 

Magnus smiled, before releasing Alec and dropping on his knees.

Anticipation bubbled up into Alec's throat, but Magnus didn't touch the one area Alec  _needed_ him to touch. It was only making Alec more aroused- the waiting. He was beginning to get antsy, but wasn't dumb enough to rush Magnus.

Magnus' fingers were gentle when he ran them up Alec's left leg, all the way to his hipbone. Magnus leaned forward and kissed Alec's hipbone with the gentlest of lips, his breath ghosting across Alec's skin, making goosebumps crawl their way onto Alec's body, spreading out across the smooth, pale planes of his skin. 

Magnus leaned back, running his other hand up Alec's right leg, kissing his hipbone on that side as well. 

Alec's heart pounded in his chest, a drum shouting Magnus' name, because of the gentleness of the touch. It made Alec's entire body pound, love and blood thrumming through his veins, beating like the wings on a butterfly.

Magnus leaned back, wrapping his hand around Alec's hips and licking a stripe up Alec's dick, making Alec moan and pull helplessly at the cuffs keeping his arms above his head. 

Alec looked down just in time to see Magnus' small smile, before Magnus had his mouth wrapped around Alec's dick, making Alec's mind go blank with pleasure. Alec jerked against the cuffs again, to no avail. He stayed right where he had been the entire time.

Magnus hummed deep in his throat, before taking down more of Alec, until Alec hit the back of Magnus' throat. Alec had only a moment of concern for Magnus, but Magnus went on undeterred, making Alec moan loudly, his stomach clenching deliciously with pleasure.  

Each time Alec hit the back of Magnus' throat, there was a moan released from deep inside of Alec's throat. 

A spring of gold was coiling in Alec's stomach, threatening to explode out. 

"Sir- Sir, I have to come. Please."

Magnus pulled his mouth off with a pop, the loss of the warm, wet place causing Alec to whine like a child.

"Sir,  _please_ ," Alec whined.

Magnus stood with soft eyes, touching Alec's forehead gently. "You're doing so good, baby. So good. I have something for you."

Alec waited quietly, his breathing heavy and erratic. Magnus was also breathing heavily, sweat shining on his forehead, making his golden skin sparkle even more.

Alec thought that Magnus looked beautiful, the sheen of sweat on his face, his lips dark and plump, eyes dark with desire. His face was clear of makeup, and God did he look absolutely  _gorgeous_.

Magnus reached into the back pocket of the tight jeans- and Alec wondered for a moment how Magnus could even have anything in the jeans, seeing how tight that they were- before Magnus held up a ring of some sort.

"This, Alexander, is a cock ring. It'll keep you from coming. Color?"

Alec took a steadying breath. Of course he wanted to come, but at the same time, he wanted to experience this. "Green."

Magnus smiled, kissing Alec gently on the forehead. "Good boy."

Magnus slid the cock ring on, latching it closed around the base of Alec's dick, halting the orgasm Alec felt building. 

Tremors were running down Alec's arms, his body shaking with adrenaline. 

Alec watched as Magnus turned around, walking over to a small dresser and rummaging inside of it. Alec had no clue of what Magnus could possibly be grabbing, but Alec knew he wanted Magnus' hands on him right away, wanted to feel the warmth from Magnus' fingers.

Magnus walked back, and Alec made sure to avert his eyes quickly.

Magnus chuckled lightly, before waving a bottle of something in front of Alec's eyes. "Lube. Don't worry, I didn't grab a bath bomb or anything."

Alec flushed, ducking his head with a smile. 

"Odd, Alexander, that you feel embarrassed about your inability to drop a bath bomb without having a mild panic attack, and not the fact that you are literally butt naked with your arms held up above your head."

Alec's face got ever redder, if possible. But he didn't hide it. He remembered how Magnus had said that he loved the roses in Alec's cheeks- that they were intoxicating.

There was a soft smile on Alec's face. "It's the little things."

Magnus' smile got big, and a little crooked, just like how Alec liked it. Beautiful and honest, and  _himself_. It made Alec's heart race and his stomach flutter alive with butterflies. 

Magnus' face transformed, and his eyes were full of pure lust. Alec shivered when Magnus coated his fingers with lube. 

Alec could've cried when Magnus unbuttoned and unzipped his pants. He didn't pull them down, but it was enough to make Alec's breathing get even more erratic. 

Magnus walked forward nudging Alec's legs, silently telling Alec to wrap his legs around Magnus.

Alec did it willingly, hooking his ankles around Magnus' back, right above the waistline of his jeans.

A lube coated finger circled Alec's hole, and Alec moaned, settling his head into the crook of Magnus' neck. Magnus pushed just the tip of his finger in, and Alec pushed Magnus tighter to himself, holding Magnus there. 

Magnus pushed in deeper, letting Alec get used to the feeling of his finger inside of him, before pumping his finger in and out of Alec.

It wasn't enough. Alec wanted- he  _needed_ more. 

"Magnus,  _please_. P-please, Sir."

Magnus' finger didn't stop its movement, but he used his other hand to push Alec's face gently off of his shoulder. "What do you want, baby?"

Alec gasped when Magnus crooked his finger, brushing it gently against Alec's prostate. "F-fuck me. Please."

A small growl tore its way out of Magnus' mouth, before he was pulling his finger out of Alec and pushing down his jeans. Magnus looked at Alec with dark eyes, almost fully eaten up by his iris'.

"This might hurt a little," Magnus warned, before slamming into Alec without preamble. 

Alec moaned, the pain and pleasure mixing deliciously. Alec was yanking at his restraints now, as if he could break down from the wall and hold onto Magnus like he wanted to.

Again and again, Magnus slammed into Alec, brushing against his prostate and making Alec's stomach coil with hot heat. But no matter how much Alec wanted to come, he couldn't, the cock ring keeping it at bay.

Magnus pulled Alec tighter to himself, chest to chest. Their chests glided together with sweat, and Magnus hit Alec's prostate dead on with each thrust.

Alec moaned, his body trembling with restrained want. He wanted to come so bad. 

"Sir, I need to come. Pl-please, I n-need to come."

Magnus unclipped the cock ring, and pulled it off, throwing it over his shoulder. 

Magnus leaned into whisper in Alec's ear. "Come for me, baby."

Alec moaned, all of the coiled heat inside of him exploding out in huge bursts of white, painting Alec and Magnus' chest between them.

Magnus thrusted into Alec once, twice, three times, before he was coming as well, filling Alec with warmth.

Alec was exhausted, every part of his body aching.

Magnus pulled out carefully, making Alec whimper slightly at the loss.

Magnus un-cuffed Alec, holding onto Alec tightly as Alec stumbled, his legs almost folding underneath him. He was shaky and unsure, but he felt sated, his body full of Magnus.

"Let me lay you down. You must be exhausted."

Alec nodded into Magnus' embrace letting Magnus move him to the bed and laying him down gently. Alec fell into the silken sheets, his head falling unceremoniously onto the pillow. He was comfortable, floating on a cloud.

His arms were numb though, the only feeling a sort of prickling sensation. Magnus must've been reading Alec's mind, because he started massaging his fingers into Alec's wrists and forearms, digging his thumbs in and getting the blood flowing. 

"Is that good?" 

Alec nodded, too tired to speak. Alec pried his eyes open, blinking multiple times. He was still bleary eyed for a moment, trying to blink through the film in his eyes to look at Magnus.

Eventually, Alec could see clearly, and he looked at Magnus with soft blue eyes. 

Magnus looked beautiful, his gold-green eyes watching Alec's own eyes with a gentle expression. His face was still flushed, coming down from his high, and his lips were pink and swollen.

Magnus set Alec's hand back down on the bed, covering Alec's naked body with the silk sheet.

"You did so good for your first time. Absolutely amazing. I'm going to leave you to rest, okay?"

Alec grabbed Magnus' wrist, his fingers caressing at the soft skin there. "Stay."

Magnus looked a bit hesitant. "It's still early."

Alec held tighter to Magnus. "Just until I fall asleep. Please."

Magnus nodded, moving around the room to lay on the other side of Alec. Magnus turned on his side to face Alec, curling his arms up to his bare chest. Magnus had the bluejeans pulled up again, and seemed to be comfortable in them- something that Alec  _never_ felt when he wore jeans.

Alec moved onto his side as well, him and Alec facing each other. Alec was already falling asleep, his eyes drooping. "Thank you."

Magnus touched Alec's hair gentle. "There's nothing to thank me for. How are you feeling? Does anything hurt?"

Alec shook his head. "No. I just want to sleep."

Magnus smiled gently, running soft fingers down the tops of Alec's eyelids, shutting them. "Sleep. I'll be right here."

Alec let his eyes droop, sleep tugging at him. "I love you."

Alec was asleep, his last words swirling around him and Magnus like an embrace.

Magnus said it softly, as if it was a secret. "I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "magnus said it softly, as if it was a secret. "i love you too.""  
> i'm just so hAPPY WITH THAT
> 
> i hope that the talk lived up to y'alls hopes and dreams. like i said, it's always so hard for me to write about magnus being hurt :'( i was actually crying ok, i'm such an emotion little shit. 
> 
> in the bathroom scene, did you notice how i said magnus's iris' dilated? it's because when you look at someone you love, or are attracted to, your pupils dilate to get more of your surroundings ;)
> 
> also my first actual BDSM scene, and let me know if i need to whip some shit up & make it any better for the next time :)
> 
> no installation today because i wanted to chat with you guys!
> 
> i watched this really beautiful movie on netflix called "front cover", and y'all should go watch it.  
> i'm trying to think up a way how i can make it into a malec au, but the ideas aren't coming.  
> here's the summary: "a relationship develops between a gay asian photographer and the guarded movie star he's been hired to photograph for a fashion magazine."  
> the summary is a bit vague, but at the same time, not really.  
> it's just sooo beautiful & i wanna make something out of it! anyways, there's my little rant.
> 
> so my mom and i went shopping today, right, and she just looks at me and goes "so do you wanna get your nose pierced today, or no?"  
> i'd been telling her i wanted to get my nose pierced and out of fucking nowhere she just drops that bomb.  
> i'm getting it pierced in a week or two & i might need some moral support because i was told that shit hurts.
> 
> as always, kudos & comments are welcome <3 (for every comment, magnus and alec judge people as a team. i don't make the rules, guys.)
> 
> -find me on twitter @salyersbaby, so we can rant to each other (looking at you carrie ;))
> 
> all of the love, angels <3


	12. Your Medicine Is In My Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon and Raphael talk.
> 
> Alec and Magnus make lunch together.
> 
> Alec, Magnus, Simon, and Raphael spend time together.
> 
> Magnus tells a secret. ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, my sweets <3
> 
> here is chapter 12 :)
> 
> warnings: fluff mostly.  
> this is just a filler chapter but next chapter is where the fun really begins 
> 
> i'm thinking this story is going to be about 18 chapters, but i really don't know for sure.
> 
> also, my school begins in a week, so i will not be writing as often! i'm going to update as much as i can before it starts, but i know for sure that my updates will be less and less. bear with me, please!
> 
> hi, so, saphaelllll this chapter :)
> 
> enjoy, angels <3

Simon woke up slowly, his eyes blinking through the sunlight filtering into his room.

When he fully opened his eyes, he realized, shit, this really  _wasn't_ his room, and he didn't know whose room it was. He also couldn't ignore the pounding headache knock, knock, knocking at his head, sending throbs of pain through him. His stomach was in knots and there was a sheen of sweat on his forehead.

"I see you're awake. You sure do know how to sleep."

Simon sat up slowly, looking down at his clothes and not recognizing the black shirt that that he was wearing, that was clinging to his chest and shoulders. He looked over by the door, and was surprised to see Raphael, leaning against an open door way in a white shirt and black sweatpants. His brown hair was messy, as if he'd been running his fingers through it.

"Why-why am I here?" Simon asked, glancing around the room. He looked at the bedside table beside him and saw two Advil and a glass of water. There was a small digital clock reading out 12:00pm, and Simon was surprised he slept so late. He wasn't a morning person like Alec, but he also wasn't the type of guy to sleep until the afternoon.

Raphael walked further into the room, sitting on the edge of the bed and facing Simon. Simon had to try and ignore the strip of dark, golden skin that showed as he sat down. 

Simon scooted up further in the bed, leaning his body against the headboard.

"You got hammered last night and I got stuck with taking care of you. You threw up all over your clothes so I had to put one of my shirts on you. Alec is a few floors up from where we are, so we can go over there when you're ready."

Simon shook his head. "It's okay for now. I want Alec to have time to talk to Magnus. Also, thank you. For- uh, dealing with me."

Raphael smiled, just the tilting up of the corner of his lips, but it was still beautiful.

Simon had never really been that interested in guys. Sure, he thought Alec was handsome, but that was Alec- practically Simon's brother. Jace wasn't too bad either, but he was a dick and that put Simon off.

Raphael, though, Simon noticed wasn't handsome. He wasn't cute. 

He was  _beautiful_. 

Simon never thought that a boy could be beautiful. He thought that only girls could be described as beautiful. But Raphael changed Simon's thinking.

Raphael was all smooth skin and sharp contours. He was gold and black. There was something about Raphael that tugged Simon in, deeper and deeper, and they'd only met twice, counting right now. 

The first time they'd met, the first word that shot through Simon's mind, ricocheting off of his skull and bouncing around aimlessly, was beautiful. 

Now that Simon looks at Raphael in the light, the tips of his dark hair shining a lighter brown, almost gold, his long eyelashes touching the soft skin above his eyes, he thinks of so many words.

Raphael pointed at the Advil. "Take those. Bathrooms through that door. Come out and eat when you're ready."

Simon nodded. "Thank you again."

Raphael shook his head, standing up off of the bed, and Simon had to  _rip_ his eyes off of the way Raphael's ass looked in the tight sweats. "You don't have to thank me for everything,  _amigo_. I'm doing it so that Magnus will shut up."

Simon tried to hide how his face fell by reaching over and grabbing the Advil.

Raphael watched Simon quietly for a moment. "Also because you're not bad company."

But before Simon could reply- which, he didn't even know what the fuck he'd reply with- Raphael was gone, shutting the door gently behind himself.

Simon took the pills, washing them down with the lukewarm water. He was confused by Raphael, and why what Raphael said meant so much to him. Simon had felt like this before. With Isabelle. 

Isabelle  _was_ beautiful, always had been. Simon knew that. But there was something about Raphael.

Something different. 

Something confusing, something  _dangerous._

It made Simon want to know him better.

**

When Alec woke up, he was wrapped tightly beneath the silk sheet, and he was alone in an empty room. 

There was gold filtering through slits in the blinds, heating up the side of the bed that Magnus had been on, warming the bare skin that had slipped from beneath the sheets and into the open.

Alec rubbed his eyes with gentle hands, blinking through the bright sun. The door was cracked open, just enough to where Alec could see into the empty hallway. Magnus must've left when Alec fell asleep, just like he said that he would. 

Alec sat up, the sheet falling down to rest in his lap. He stretched out his arms, high above his head, groaning quietly. He was a bit sore, his body tired, but well rested. He felt  _good_.

Alec carefully stood up, looking around for something to put on, something to wear. He smiled when he saw a pair of boxers and gray sweatpants. They were laid out on the floor, folded nicely.

Alec pulled on the boxers and sweats moving around the room silently. 

Magnus had been so gentle. He had taken care of Alec. It made Alec feel good, feel wanted. Never before had Alec wanted to be with someone like he did Magnus. He loved Magnus. Easy. 

Alec practically skipped out of the room, watching the hallway carefully, watching for signs of Magnus- maybe working, maybe just drinking. There were many possibilities of what he could be doing.

But Alec was surprised when he walked into the kitchen and saw Magnus moving around, humming to himself, making food. Alec leaned against the doorway, his arms crossed over his bare chest, while he watched Magnus work.

Magnus was dressed like Alec, no shirt and a pair of sweats on, but he had his hair done, his Alec could see that his eyes were lined with dark kohl. He looked beautiful, his skin sparkling, shining in the sun, his hair done perfectly for the "I woke up like this" look. Alec couldn't find a single flaw on his body.

Not even the scars. 

The scars weren't flaws. They just showed how strong Magnus was. That he survived a past that probably no one could've. And he had to see the scars everyday, yet he always kept going. He kept moving, kept finding a reason to keep going.

That was brave. That took courage.

Magnus was  _strong_. 

Perfect.

"You know, I don't remember wishing for an angel on my birthday," Alec said, startling Magnus.

Magnus turned around with a scoff, a bowl still held tight in his hand. He pointed a wooden spoon at Alec. "Not funny. Also, I've heard better."

"Yes, but the ones you've heard haven't come from me. What are you making?"

Magnus grinned, before going back to his mixing. "Cajun chicken pasta. It's the first time I've ever made it, actually. Wanna help?"

Alec smiled, walking into the kitchen to help Magnus make this lunch.

Magnus kissed Alec gently on the lips, before going back to working, mixing something up in the bowl, pointing at at laptop sitting on the counter with directions. "I already have the noodles going on the stove, but I do need you to cut up some chicken and cook it. That okay?"

Alec nodded. "It is."

They didn't talk, they both just moved around each other, as if in a dance. There were small touches here and there, soft fingers lingering on Alec's bare shoulder, a small brush of fingers on Magnus' thigh. 

Alec didn't cook much. He could make a few things, mostly to pick up the slack that Simon left, but he knew a few things. Alec liked to cook. It calmed him down, the order and system of it. Following steps and directions is what Alec was good at. 

Magnus reached around Alec for the noodles, biting Alec gently on the ear, before turning back to the sink and draining the noodles in a silver colander situated in the sink. Alec tried to hide his shiver at the feeling of Magnus' mouth on him- even somewhere as trivial as his ear.

"Did you know that Isabelle literally can't cook?" Alec asked. 

Magnus chuckled lightly. "I did. Do you remember when I stayed the night there and she almost burned the house down with her lemonade and cheese oatmeal. You took Simon and Izzy for donuts after."

Alec grinned, bringing the chicken over to Magnus. "I remember that after we had those donuts Simon puked his back up."

Magnus threw his head back with a laugh, and it was the brightest, happiest sound Alec had ever heard, like golden sunshine peaking through a cloudy day, and Alec knew, he  _knew_ that with every second he was with Magnus, he fell deeper and deeper in love. He just wished that Magnus felt the same way- that Magnus could feel the same way. 

"I never heard this story," Magnus said. 

Alec put the cooked chicken into the pasta sauce mixing it up while Magnus leaned up against the counter. "Well, him and Iz had a competition to see who could eat the most strawberry donuts with sprinkles. Simon had four and Izzy had six."

Magnus smirked. "Girl power. How many did you have?"

Alec stopped stirring the mixture, looking right at Magnus. "Five."

Magnus' smile got bigger. "Nice. I don't really like donuts all that much. If I do have one, I like the chocolate glazed donuts."

Alec grabbed the noodles. "You like chocolate, yes?"

"Yes. Very much."

"I'm more of a vanilla guy, you know?"

Magnus was quiet a moment. "Was that a jab at me?"

Alec grinned. "You caught that. Not really, but if you interpret it as one, I won't be mad."

"I'm willing to try it. For you."

Alec stopped stirring the noodles into the sauce. "Try what?"

"A vanilla relationship. You're trying mine, I'm willing to try yours."

A huge smile stole its way onto Alec's face. "Thank God. I mean- that-that's good. Great. Um, I just- I should stop talking, shouldn't I?"

"I think it's adorable."

Alec flushed, and pulled the spoon out of the pasta, setting it on the counter, leaving a mess behind. "I'm not adorable. I am a man."

"Is that so?"

Alec nodded, his heart beating faster when Magnus pushed him against the counter with his body. "It is. And I am a man who is not adorable. I am not cute. I am handsome."

Magnus leaned forward, his nose touching Alec's. "What about beautiful?"

Alec flushed bright red, but pulled his head back, kissing Magnus gently on the tip of his nose. "I'm sorry, did you say something?"

Magnus' eyebrows drew together. "I said, 'what about beautiful?'"

"Magnus, why do you keep saying your name?"

Magnus looked at Alec's eyes, before giggling. "That was horrible. And I loved it."

"Score!"

Magnus shook his head, before reaching around Alec and grabbing the wooden spoon. "Try it."

Alec looked Magnus right in the eye as he licked the bottom of the wooden spoon. He cringed immediately, shaking out his head. "Good Lord, did Isabelle sneak in here while I wasn't looking? That's disgusting!"

Magnus frowned and licked the spoon too, cringing just as Alec had. "Nope. Nope. God, it tastes like flour. Why did you do this to us? Alexander, are you trying to poison me so that you can steal all of my money? I will not tell you the password to my safe."

Alec pushed Magnus' shoulder gently. "You, Sir, are the one who made the sauce. I did chicken, remember."

Magnus looked thoughtful a moment, before shaking his head. "No. I do not remember. That could quite possibly be a side effect of the poison. Short-term memory loss. What have you done to me, Alexander?"

Alec rolled his eyes. "So dramatic. Always so dramatic. In another life, you were an actor."

Magnus tapped his chin. "No. In another life I was a warlock. Don't forget."

"I can't help it. I tried to sauce too."

Magnus laughed, smiling brightly. "That's right. I have an idea. Why don't we get Simon and Raphael to go get some pizza and we can all eat it together and hang out."

"Simon? Where is he?"

Magnus walked off to go grab his phone. "I'm pretty sure he stayed at Raphael's. He was drunk as hell last night."

Alec shook his head with a smile. "Of course he was."

Magnus grinned before putting his phone up to his ear, and only waiting a moment before talking into it. "Hey, Raph. So Alec and I made lunch..."

While Magnus talked on the phone to Raphael, Alec started cleaning up the kitchen, first cleaning out the pot that had their mess of a pasta in it, and then working on the flour that Magnus had spilled. 

It was sweet, the fact that Magnus wasn't very good of a cook. Maybe Alec could teach Magnus to make a few things. That would be a fun "vanilla" thing to do, Alec supposed. 

Alec was glad that he was moving to New York in less than two weeks. All he had to do was get through finals and graduation, and he would be here. Closer to Magnus. Maybe that would make a difference in their relationship. 

"Hey, Raphael is going to get the pizza and he just sent Simon up."

Alec shook his head out, the thoughts hopefully tumbling out of his ears. "Great. How is Simon doing?"

Magnus shrugged. "I don't know. I guess we'll find out in a minute."

**

"Are you always this grumpy?" Simon asked from his spot on one of the barstools. 

Raphael had just gotten off of the phone with Magnus, and was now sporting a full frown, his face pulled down. Raphael slipped the phone into his back pocket, before reaching onto the counter and grabbing his black leather wallet. 

Raphael turned back to look at Simon, and his features had softened. "Yes. Especially when it has to do with my brother."

Simon's mouth popped open. "Your brother?"

Raphael scoffed. "Yes. Did you not know that?"

Simon shook his head. "No. I just thought that you were his driver."

"Pretty much. Anyways, I'm going to go get a pizza and you go up to Magnus' loft. But you might want to make your presence known before you walk all of the way in. They might be fucking."

Simon gagged. "God. You are  _very_ vulgar. I didn't need to hear that."

Raphael grinned, showing his pearly white teeth. Simon noticed that Raphael had the same sharp canines like he did. Alec had always called those Simon's 'vampire teeth'.

"Do you have everything you came with?" Raphael asked.

Simon shrugged. "I don't even remember coming here. What makes you think that I'd remember what I brought here?"

"I was hoping you would remember what you brought to the club, at least. Did I put too much faith in you?"

"I had my phone and my wallet. That's it. Now, whatever you did with my clothes, I imagine that's where those are."

Raphael walked away a moment, leaving Simon to tap his fingers on the marble counter. Simon wanted to see Alec, hoping that maybe talking to Alec would help him sort out his feelings. It was always easier for Simon to talk his shit through with Alec. Alec was a great listening, and he was actually pretty wise. 

Odd how Magnus was the first guy to see how great Alec truly was.

"Here you go. Now come on."

Simon grabbed the stuff from Raphael's hands, slipping them into the pockets of his sweatpants. 

(Technically, they were Raphael's, but Simon felt a claim to them, because Raphael  _had_ given them to him, even if he wasn't conscious at the time.)

"I'll take you up to his floor. Okay?"

Simon nodded. "Okay."

Raphael walked to the elevator, Simon following closely behind him. Simon was just a little bit nervous to be having a sort of double date, just afraid to do something to embarrass Alec- even more than he had at the dinner they went to. 

The elevator door closed behind them, and Raphael pushed the button for floor nine, both of them watching as the doors shut behind them.

Simon could see their reflection on the silver doors. Raphael seemed to be looking right at the doors as well, but his eyes were trained on Simon's. It was weird, having Raphael looking at him, but not looking at him.

Raphael sighed quietly, before he was there, pushing Simon up against the wall, his hands on Simon's cheeks, his mouth hard against Simon's. Simon stood still with shock for a moment, before he was kissing back enthusiastically, wrapping his hands around Raphael's waist, fingers teasing at the skin Simon had tried to ignore before. 

Raphael's body was warm against Simon's, almost ever point of his body touching Simon's. It was new, and it was different, but it was so much more than Simon had dared to hope for. 

Raphael slid his tongue on the seam of Simon's lips, and Simon opened his mouth for Raphael quickly, letting Raphael have his way. 

Just when Simon thought he was going to implode, the elevator dinged, and Raphael was off of him, leaning back against the wall like nothing had happened. Simon knew that he couldn't forget what happened. 

The doors opened, and Simon stepped into the loft, without a backward glance to Raphael.

**

"Do you always drink this much?" Simon asked, taking a bite of his pizza.

Alec giggled, leaning into Magnus as if pulled by a magnet. "He does. Si, he literally has a bar. In his living room. Have you ever met anyone who had a bar in their living room, and didn't drink?"

Simon shook his head. "No. I've never even met anyone who had a bar in their living room. All I'm saying, though, is that we need to get one in the new apartment. We can have parties."

Alec shook his head. "Nope. No parties. I think that's more Magnus' forte."

Raphael leaned in to grab a piece of the pepperoni pizza. "When are you two moving to New York?"

Alec squinted his eye in thought. "Less than two weeks. All we have is finals and graduation."

Magnus wrapped an arm around Alec's shoulder, pulling Alec to his chest. Alec laid his head on Magnus' shoulder, cuddling into him.  _The man he loved_.

"If you have finals, why are the two of you here, and not studying?" Raphael asked, turning to look at Simon.

Simon flushed, looking down. Alec would have to look into that. "Well, you see, Alec works at a bookstore and he's really liked there. So his boss- who is pretty young- was a Literature student, just like Alec. So that's how Alec is learning. And he's passing some of the knowledge off to me, although I am majoring in journalism. Basically, he's been studying all year, so he has time to study with me."

Alec nodded, winking at Simon when he caught his gaze. Simon smiled back, but Alec could tell something had went down. All he had to wait for was time to ask about it.

Simon rolled his shoulders before standing up. "Alec and I should get going. Finals start tomorrow."

Raphael stood too, walking over to the elevator. "I'll walk you out. Do you have a way to get home?"

Alec chuckled. "He drove here with his van. I don't really know where he left it, but I do know that no one will steal that."

"Fuck off. The banana has charm."

Alec pulled himself off of Magnus, leaning against the back of the couch. "It doesn't. But I'll be right out. Okay?"

Simon nodded and followed Raphael into the elevator. 

Magnus set his hands on Alec's neck, fingers playing with the hair at the nape. "I'll see you soon?"

Alec leaned forward and kissed Magnus right on the lips. "Yes. Very soon. You're speaking at my graduation, remember?"

Magnus nodded. "I remember."

Alec pulled away, and he wanted to say it. So bad. It was on the lip of his tongue. All he had to do was just  _spit it out_. "I love you."

Magnus' face didn't change. He didn't cringe away. He  _smiled_. "I was hoping you'd say that."

"Why?"

Magnus leaned forward. "So I could say it back. I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "they were doing some looovin'"  
> -that's from one of matt's lives, if you didn't know that, i'm disappointed.
> 
> i tried something new and did simon's pov. (it's funny to me how simon's part is more like fsog than alec's is but that's ok)(and, i actually really loved doing his pov, it was fun)
> 
> ALSO, i don't cook. i know how to make mac and cheese, alfredo, and grilled cheese. if i'm incorrect i hope you just laughed at me and kept on reading :)
> 
> \--fifth? installation of me :)  
> here are some dislikes of mine:  
> -mushrooms (oh lord they're nASTY as fuck)  
> -white milk  
> -ham  
> an unpopular opinion coming your way  
> -jace herondale  
> back to our regular program  
> -sleeping during the night  
> -school  
> -heat (funny that i live in texas, i know)  
> -clace ;)))  
> -hershey kisses  
> -celery  
> -apple juice  
> -oranges  
> -donuts  
> -onions  
> -camille belcourt (however the hell you spell her last name, i really don't give a shit)  
> -loUD NOISES (blenders mostly)  
> here are some tv shows that i love:  
> -shadowhunters (duh)  
> -glee  
> -greys anatomy  
> -pretty little liars  
> -the walking dead  
> -sherlock  
> \--that's all for today, hope you enjoyed :)
> 
> did you guys know that i really love all of y'all and enjoy talking to you in the comments, or on twitter. i'm really awkward in real life so y'all are lucky i'm chatting with you over the phone 
> 
> as always, kudos & comments are welcome and very much appreciated <3 (for every comment, magnus gets alec to dance with him @ pandemonium ;))
> 
> -find me on twitter @salyersbaby so we can talk :)
> 
> all the love, angels <3


	13. You Get Too Close, You Make It Hard To Let You Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus speaks at Alec's graduation.
> 
> Magnus meets the whole crew :)
> 
> Alec takes Magnus to the apartment.
> 
> Magnus gives Alec his *sigh* punishment. 
> 
> Alec and Magnus cuddle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi there, lovelies :)
> 
> guys i'm gonna do another story, but for simon & raphael. i'm in love with them being in love (eventually.)  
> they totally deserve each other. i just- i love them sO much.
> 
> also, guys. i just realized how fucking amazing carol is in the walking dead. i feel like i've been asleep my entire life. she's a beast. 
> 
> warnings: fluff, a punishment scene (please skip if that's odd), and a whole-lotta love.  
> -graduation ceremony!! yES.  
> -MOMMA LIGHTWOOD, JACE WAYLAND, ISABELLE LIGHTWOOD, MAGNUS BANE, all in the same ROOM what will happen??? (notice there's no angst ;))
> 
> can y'all believe that we've already hit our first monday without shadowhunters?  
> i'm gonna go into withdraw. magnus bane withdraw. (i need to quench my thirsts and just re watch the show. i need more mags that i will literally go back to season one.)
> 
> enjoy, sweet angels <3

Not for the first time, Alec thanked whatever gods gave him Isabelle as a sister. If he would've had to dress himself, he would probably have looked like a homeless person. At least when he took off the gown. 

"See, blue makes your eyes  _glow_. You have beautiful eyes, you know. If only all of your shit wasn't in boxes, then I could find stuff easier."

Alec scoffed, making eye contact with Isabelle in the long mirror. "Do you really think I have some nice clothes? Even in a box? Don't hold any sort of false hope, Izzy, I'd hate to ruin your dreams."

Isabelle ran her fingers through Alec's hair- messing it, but with  _control._ It didn't make much sense how all she had to do was run fingers through his hair and it moved to her every command. Alec wished he could do that. It was  _his_ hair, after all.

"Have you talked to Magnus at all?" Isabelle asked, pulling her fingers out of Alec's hair, standing with her hands on her hips. She had always been beautiful, even as a little girl. But the difference now was that Alec wasn't jealous of her. He knew that he had his charms, even if his were a bit more indistinct. 

Alec nodded. "Yeah. He's only a bit nervous to talk today. But not really, because he's Magnus Bane and he's amazing. He's taking me out tomorrow to celebrate, but I don't really know what that means."

Isabelle sighed, grabbing Alec's hand, maneuvering them around boxes laid around the room, sitting them both on Alec's bed. Her dark eyes were rimmed by a pretty purpleish color, and her dark hair was braided around her head, half of it falling around on her shoulders. There were small flowers that had been braided into her hair. Her dress was tight at the top, but flowed out at the bottom, and it was the same purple as her eyes. She looked beautiful, and she seemed to know it. Alec knew he couldn't say how pretty she looked without making her head a little too big.

"He's going to take you out on a date," Isabelle said.

Alec rolled his eyes. "Obviously. I just don't know where, and Raphael- oh, shit, sorry."

Isabelle just giggled. "Alec, may I remind you that mine and Simons- well, I don't really know what you'd call it, but whatever it was called, it ended, and it was mutual. You can talk about Raphael. I know that you and Raphael are friends, so I can't be mad at you for bringing him up. But Magnus better show me to some cute people in New York, because I will get very upset."

"Anyways, Raphael won't tell me where we're going. And, of course he knows, because Magnus tells him everything. And I mean  _everything_. Do you know how much it sucks when your boyfriends little brother talks to you about having sex? It sucks a lot."

Isabelle raised her eyebrows, but Alec could see her lip twitching, as if she was holding in a laugh. "Seems like that's not to only one sucking, if you know what I mean." She made a very vulgar motion with her hands and her mouth- and oh, there was her tongue.

Alec slapped Isabelle's hand away from her mouth. "Stop that! I refuse to talk to you about sucking Magnus' dick, okay? I don't want to do that! I don't even like telling Jace about that, so why would I tell you?"

"Because you like me more."

Alec rolled his eyes, but again, didn't tell her she was right because he didn't want her head to get a little too big. "But, I'm really happy with him. Like really, really happy with him."

Isabelle smiled. "That's what matters. Although I really do wanna know how gay sex works. Do you-"

"Alec! Izzy! Time to go!"  

Alec stuck his tongue out at Isabelle- because he was a grown ass man, and did what he wanted. 

Isabelle, on the other hand, was not a grown ass man, but she was a grown ass woman- finally- and stuck her tongue back at him.

"We're talking about this later," Isabelle said as they walked into the boxed up living room of Alec and Simon's apartment. 

"We are most definitely  _not_ talking about this later."

Simon stood up from the couch, almost falling forward he stood so fast. But, oddly enough, Jace steadied him. "Talking about what?" Simon asked. 

"Nothing," Alec and Izzy said at the same time.

Maryse Lightwood smiled at her kids. "It's something. You two have the weird habit to talk at the same time to cover something up."

Alec shook his head. "I have no clue of what you're talking about. Are we ready to go?"

They all piled out of the apartment, and Alec watched his family with a smile.

Maryse had reached out to Alec just a few days ago. Her and Alec talked, and Alec was very straightforward. 

_Mom, I'm gay. I'm dating Magnus Bane, and if you can't accept that, I don't want to have anything to do with you._

_If you're happy, that's what matters._

It was a very big thing for Alec, fixing this relationship that he so sorely missed. It wasn't until he had it back that he realized that there was something he needed. He had never noticed the small pang in his heart, all because he couldn't talk to his mom. 

There was something about having his family together that made Alec's heart flutter in his chest. His Mom picking at Jace's suit jacket, picking the pieces of lint off of it while Jace complained and slapped her hands away. Isabelle and Simon talking like they used to- going back to being best friends. 

Now all they needed was Magnus.

"I think Alec should drive. It is his graduation," Jace said, grabbing the keys from Maryse and handing them over to Alec.

Alec didn't grab them. "It's Simon's graduation day, too. And how are we all going to fit?"

Jace pushed open the door and pointed at the huge car sitting there. "Like that. Now, take the keys and drive, you ass."

Alec rolled his eyes but grabbed the keys from Jace's hand, walking over to the drivers seat. 

"Because I am also graduating, I should sit in the passenger seat," Simon said, going over to the passenger side.

Maryse Lightwood slapped Simon's hand away from the door. "You will most definitely will not be. You can sit in the back with the other children."

Simon didn't dare argue, just cast a dark glance to Alec, before begrudgingly going to sit in the backseat, crossing his arms over his chest in a pout. 

Alec shook his head with a chuckle, before starting up the car and driving. 

**

The gown that Alec was to wear was navy blue. 

The hat that Alec was to wear was navy blue.

Alec was finally here. Finally finished. He was terrified and excited, but luckily Simon was right there next to him. 

Simon's last name was Lewis, so he was right beside Alec in the L's. 

Alec had seen Magnus, but hadn't gotten to say hi, or anything like that. Raphael was there as well, but he had to go do something involving the car. (Alec didn't really know, but he just figured that's what it was.)

Alec clapped along with everyone else when Magnus was called onto the stage, even if he wanted to stand up and start cheering for him. Alec's heart beat loudly in his chest when Magnus caught his eyes and smiled warmly. 

"Hello, everyone. If you didn't already know, I'm Magnus Bane. I am the CEO, boss, owner- whatever you wish to call me- of MB Enterprises. So I've been gifting money to this fine school, and I'm here to talk about why."

Alec watched, in awe, as his boyfriend brought some people to tears. Made people clap. Maybe people laugh. 

He was beautiful.

It was watching a man in his element. 

Talking to people- even a large amount of people- is what Magnus was good at. He could make you hang on to each of his words, or maybe even make you bored if he wanted. 

He was a powerful man. Strong. Beautiful.

And all Alec's. 

As Alec watched Magnus' rings sparkle beneath the bright spot lights, he heard a few girls murmuring in front of him. 

"He's really hot. Do you think he's single?"

The other girl shrugged. "I don't know. Do straight men wear makeup?"

Alec cleared his throat, leaning forward. "I heard he has a boyfriend."

The two girls frowned, but stopped talking about whether or not Magnus was single, and Alec leaned back, a smile gracing his lips. 

"That was very petty," Simon pointed out quietly. 

Alec shrugged. "Who said I wasn't petty? Especially when it comes to my man."

"Do you remember when you ran around the apartment yelling, "He's not  _my_ man!"? Look at you now."

Alec chuckled quietly. "Do you remember when you thought you were straight and that you were in love with my sister? Look at you now."

The smile on Simon's face disappeared. "Not funny."

"Hilarious. Shut up now, they're calling names."

 

There were a lot of people in Alec's college. Like, a lot.

Alec probably waited ten minutes just for them to get all of the way to the L's. Then again, Simon did have a very long valedictorian speech that involved speaking about stuff literally no one understood. 

"Alexander Lightwood!"

There were claps and cheers, but Alec heard Jace, Izzy- and, his mom- over all of them. It made his cheeks hurt, how much he was smiling. It was like he was attuned to pick out the cheers of his family. As if they were a beacon for his joy and happiness. 

Alec was given his diploma and a handshake, before he was walking over to Magnus. 

"Good job, baby," Magnus said quietly, shaking Alec's hand. 

Alec grinned. He pulled Magnus by the hand over to him, smashing his lips against Magnus'. Alec pulled away a moment after. "Thank you."

And Alec walked off the stage, hearing his sister screaming  _"Get it big bro!"_ in the crowd. There was roses in Alec's cheeks, but he couldn't have been happier. 

That was his coming out, in a way. Him telling people, finally, that he had a boyfriend. And also that his boyfriend was probably the richest guy in all of New York, but to Alec, the money didn't matter. 

Money would go away, eventually. Money wasn't forever. 

Love was. If you were with the right person, that love would live longer than you. It'd grow in the flowers that kids pick and stick in their friend's hair, it'd be in the wind that blows your hair across your face and wraps around you like an embrace. 

Love was in everything. 

No matter how much Alec had tried to hide who he loved, he didn't want to do that anymore. He wanted to be  _proud_ of who he was, and not have to hide behind a mask. 

He also just really wanted to kiss Magnus.

Like really wanted to kiss him. 

 

"I didn't think you had it in you," Jace said, patting Alec on the back. 

Alec grinned. "I have a lot of tricks up my sleeves. Just ask Magnus."

Jace made a gagging noise. "Jesus, you're disgusting."

"Thank you. Anyways, where are mom and Izzy?"

Jace's gold eyes scanned the crowd. "God, they're walking this way. Act natural."

"What does that mean, exactly? Are we to act like trees? A flower, maybe? Or what about the baby sun from the Teletubbies."

Jace squinted his eyes at Alec. "Are you high? Did you get high without me? Alec, dude, this is too far. I thought that we're brothers!"

Alec hit Jace on the arm, turning to give his mom a hug. 

Maryse hugged her son tight, cutting off Alec's circulation a bit. "I'm so proud of you. My baby boy."

Alec smiled into the hug, hugging his mom back just as tight. Their relationship wasn't perfect, but then again, whose was? "Thank you. I love you, Mom."

Maryse pulled back, patting Alec's cheek, before swiping a tear that had fallen from her eye. "I love you too."

There was something about her now that she'd broken up with Robert. Something better. As if she was lighter, standing taller. It made Alec proud. She finally did what she'd been wanting to do for so long now. 

Izzy gave Alec a hug next, the top of her head right at his lips thanks to her huge high heels. "I'm proud of you, big brother. For kissing your man but for also graduating."

Alec grinned into his sisters shoulder, before pulling back. "Thanks, Iz. You gonna be next?"

"To what, kiss Magnus?"

Alec rolled his eyes. "No, stupid. I meant are you gonna be next to graduate? I heard that there's really good online schools for you to do whatever you want."

"Do you have to go to school for modeling?"

Alec looked at Isabelle's eyes. He was surprised to see that she was being one hundred percent honest. She really wanted to model. "I don't think so. Whatever you want to do, I'll support you."

Isabelle smiled brightly, a spark glittering in her dark eyes. "That means a lot to me, Alec."

"I know," Alec replied. 

Alec almost jumped when he felt hands wrap around his waist, but when he looked down, he saw Magnus' hands, sparkling with Magnus' rings, wrapped around him tightly. 

"That was a nice kiss," Magnus said in Alec's ear. 

Alec smiled, turning his head to the side to try and get a glimpse at Magnus. "Only the best for you."

"So, will I get to speak to Magnus or is he gonna be wrapped around Alec all night?" 

Alec pulled out of Magnus' embrace to flip Jace off. "Yes, you can speak to Magnus. Asshole."

"Alexander, language," Maryse said, but she was smiling, and her eyes were trained on Magnus. "I'm Maryse Lightwood."

Magnus smiled brightly, his face morphing. He was so beautiful, the sun that their whole solar system circled around. "It is very nice to meet you, Maryse. I'm Magnus Bane, but I'm sure you already know that."

Magnus held out a hand for Maryse to shake, but Maryse pulled Magnus into a hug, even though he towered over her much like Alec himself did. 

Maryse pulled away, a big smile on her face, making her blue eyes shine. "Nice to meet you."

Jace maneuvered over to them, plopping himself in front of Maryse to get the attention. "I'm Jace. The cool brother."

Magnus looked questioningly at Alec. "Is this your cousin? I thought that you, Alexander, were the cool brother. Have I been lied to by you, and Izzy, and Sherman?"

Alec shook his head. "Nope. Jace just likes to think he's the cooler one."

Jace scoffed. "Oh, I know it. You wait until I move in with you, buddy. I'm gonna fart on your pillow."

Alec put a hand over his heart. "Jace! You would never!"

Simon walked up with Raphael in tow, a huge smile on his face, his hair an mess and his glasses askew on his nose. (Alec had a fairly good idea of what Simon and Raphael had been doing, but decided to let Simon live a bit longer.) "Oh, yes he would."

"You don't even know what they're talking about," Isabelle argued.

Raphael stepped up in between Magnus and Alec. "Trace said that he'd fart on Alec's pillow."

Jace scoffed indignantly, looking right at Magnus. "Did you get him to do that?"

Magnus looked at Jace like he was stupid. "I have no clue what you're talking about. I have literally never met you before."

"I literally just heard you call Simon, Sherman. Why wouldn't you mistake my name for something else, and pass it on to your strangely-good-looking friend."

Alec coughed quietly, watching Raphael roll his eyes and Simon get a bit defensive. Magnus just grinned. 

"My strangely-good-looking  _brother_ , thank you very much. Anyways, I know that his name is Simon, but I like picking on him. He gets all riled up, kinda like a chihuahua."

Jace just looked at Magnus with even gold eyes. And then he shrugged, before holding out a hand for Magnus to shake. Magnus didn't say anything back, just shook Jace's hand. 

 _Well, that was fucking weird_ , Alec thought, as Jace went to sit back in his spot at the table. 

"So, Magnus, this is your brother?" Isabelle asked, looking at Raphael. Maryse actually looked interested too, as if she was going to ask the same thing but never got around to doing so. 

Magnus nodded. "Yeah. Raphael Santiago. My little brother and best friend. But he won't tell you that."

Raphael rolled his eyes. "Yes I will. Magnus just likes all of the attention so I usually just pretend not to know him. Anyways, it's nice to meet all of you."

Isabelle smiled. "You too."

Alec was proud of her and Simon. He expected it to be weird between them- seeing as  _them_ didn't work out, but they seemed perfectly fine. Happy, even. 

"Well, it was great seeing everyone, but I'm going to go find my mom and Rebecca. Can't leave the two of them alone for two long," Simon said, giving Alec a quick hug, and offering everyone else a smile. When Simon's eyes met Raphael's, he blushed, before looking down and walking away quietly. 

_Quietly._

Where the fuck did Raphael put the  _real_ Simon Lewis?

 

Getting everyone out of the apartment was a real task. Simon had went over to his mom's, so that was one less person, Raphael had already drove home and left Magnus at Alec's.

That left Maryse, Isabelle, and Jace. Probably the most stubborn people on the planet. 

"Mom, go! I'll be fine! I had fun! Go home!"

Maryse yelled one more thing while she was walking out of the door, and Alec let her finish her sentence before saying an 'I love you!' and shutting the door. Jace was practically running out of the building before her, ready to get back home and do whatever he did. 

Isabelle didn't have a problem leaving, but she did talk to Magnus very lengthily about his style choices.

"Good Lord, my family is full of animals," Alec announced, sitting on the couch beside Magnus.

Magnus grinned. "I liked them."

Alec rolled his eyes. "Of course you did. Because they looooved you so much."

Magnus tapped a finger on Alec's thigh. "I'm sorry, but did you just roll your eyes?"

Alec shook his head. "Nope. Not once."

"And sarcasm! I guess you want to get spanked."

Alec's mouth went dry. "S-spanked? Like with your palm?"

Magnus looked over at Alec with a smile. "With my palm, yes. Why, do you not want me to? Because you did break  _two_ rules just now."

Alec bit his lip, before replying. His heart was in his throat and there were jitters in his fingers, but he realized that he deserved to be punished. "You can do it. I deserve it."

Magnus touched Alec's hair gently, before putting his hand down. "Lay yourself over my knees."

Alec did as such, so his ass was out in the air. He felt like a child doing this. But he'd never felt turned on while getting spanked so there was a pretty big difference, Alec knew. 

Magnus reached his hand beneath Alec and unbuttoned his pants, before unzipping them. Magnus pulled Alec's pants down along with his boxers, so Alec's ass was naked and bare. He felt his face heat up, because he could  _feel_ Magnus' eyes on him, like a physical touch of fire.

Magnus laid his hand on Alec's ass- and Alec almost sighed in relief when he felt that Magnus had take off his rings- and his hand was cold. He had his hand fit to the curve of Alec's ass, his fingers gentle. 

"Why are you getting spanked?" Magnus asked. 

Alec thought a moment- his mind already muddled. "B-because I rolled my eyes. And I-I was sarcastic."

Magnus moved his hand off of Alec's ass, before slapping it back down. 

There was a jolt of pain that made Alec gasp, rocking forward. But Magnus' hand was there, soothing the spot with the cold seemingly seeping from his fingers. "Good boy. Tell me again, what did you do?"

Alec took a deep breath. "I rolled my eyes and I was sarcastic."

Magnus' hand landed harshly on the other cheek, the pain making Alec gasp again. Magnus' hand soothed. "Good. That's a good boy. Next time you roll your eyes or you're sarcastic, you're getting more. Understand?"

Alec nodded. "Yes, Sir."

Magnus pulled Alec's boxers back up, and then his pants, before pulling Alec into his lap and cradling Alec like a small child. "You did so good."

Alec smiled softly, tucking his face into Magnus' shoulder. Alec opened his mouth to say something, but instead a yawn fell from his lips. 

"Tired?"

Alec nodded bashfully. 

Magnus picked Alec up bridal style, making Alec yelp. "Let's sleep, then, my sweet boy."

Alec let himself get carried to his room and laid in his bed. 

Alec didn't say anything as Magnus came to lay beside him, just unbuttoned his blue shirt, throwing it on the floor. Alec then pulled off his pants but left on his boxers. He noticed Magnus doing the same in the corner of his eye.

The fact that Magnus was staying with him made Alec's heart kick into overdrive and his belly come alive with butterflies. Why was his body always thumping? His belly thumping with butterflies, his chest thumping with his heart. 

He was a drum. Always beating Magnus' name.

Always. 

Alec laid down, his back to Magnus. He was surprised when Magnus fitted himself to the curve of Alec's back, his chest touching Alec. They were two boys, both wanting to feel the other beside them, have that reassurance that they weren't alone. 

"Goodnight, Alexander. I love you so very much."

Magnus kissed Alec gently at the nape of his neck, before wrapping an arm around Alec's waist and clasping his and Alec's hands together. 

Two of the same heart. 

"Goodnight, Magnus. I love you too."

Two stars hidden beneath the cover of the dark sky. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wOw.  
> i really am not a big fan of spanking and all that crazy shit, but i survived :)  
> if y'all don't like that, i'm sorry :( punishment is a part of a dom/sub relationship, or at least the one that i'm creating. alec rolled his eyes, therefor he got punished for it.
> 
> guys i'm barely in high school, so i've never been to a college graduation. i expect that it's the same as a high school one, so i'm going off of what ya girl knows. :)
> 
> \--sixth installation of me :)  
> shit ton of random facts coming @ ya  
> -i ship saphael, and then right after that comes sizzy. i ship BOTH of them :)  
> -my favorite girl character is izzy  
> -if i could be in the shadow world, i'd be a warlock. (high warlock of cstat?)  
> -sometimes, i want to jab carrot through the screen, but my parents wouldn't like that much  
> -i wish alec & izzy were parabatai (don't yell at me, i've made it known i don't like jace herondale :))  
> -favorite brotp's: salec (obviously), garrobane, magnus&raphael  
> -my starbucks order is a java chip frappuccino  
> -again, MAGNUS BANE is my favorite character ever  
> -i am a fucking grammar nazi. always.  
> -i only know one vampire, and his name is raphael. (i love simon, don't get me wrong. it's just that i love raph more and he's too underrated :))  
> -my favorite song at the moment is where's my love by syml (used for the "what are you afraid of" scene)  
> -i love jaymes young. i've been using his songs for most of my story titles (such as this one :))  
> -my favorite app is snapchat  
> -i went to mexico this once  
> -I WANNA LIVE IN LONDON SO BAD  
> -i would willingly marry maggie greene from TWD, thank you very much.  
> \--that's all :) hope you enjoyed learning about meh 
> 
> as always, kudos & comments are welcome, and very much appreciated <3 (for every comment, alec defends magnus to robert :))
> 
> -find me on twitter @salyersbaby, if you want :)
> 
> all the love, angels <3


	14. Oh, The Habits Of My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus takes Alec to a date, and has to calm Alec. 
> 
> Magnus takes good care of Alec.
> 
> Alec decides he wants to dance.
> 
> Magnus makes drinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, angels!
> 
> oH mY gOd. i have school in less than a week and i'm still not on a regular sleep schedule. i go to bed at five and wake up at eleven. (while writing this AN, it is 3:14am. :))  
> THIS SHIT SUCKS.  
> just thought i should get that out there.
> 
> warnings: cute ass fucking date!!, not-too-explicit vanilla smut!! love!!!!  
> also known as tori finally hitting her breaking point and pouring all the fluff we can get. because you'll never guess who'll be entering soon :'(
> 
> i love y'all so much. (just thought i should say that. y'all are fucking amazing!)
> 
> enjoy, angels <3
> 
> -I HAVE BEEN LISTENING TO PANDORA WHILE WRITING THIS AND THE AD FOR SHAWN MEDES' NEW COLOGNE (or whatever the hell it is) KEEPS COMING ON, AND I'M TELLING YOU I AM TWO MINUTES AWAY FROM THROWING MY LAPTOP FROM A WINDOW.  
> (i have finally broke. i knew the day would come sometime.)

Dates were supposed to be exciting. Fun.

The first "date" that Alec went with Magnus on was full of sexual tension and a lot of weird, heated stares that you might only see in the movie Twilight. 

The second date was definitely  _not_ as awkward, but that didn't mean Alec still wasn't nervous. 

He just wanted to make Magnus happy. Which meant he was always trying too hard. 

It wasn't that Alec was very self-conscious. Because he really wasn't. That was getting much, better. he was beginning to love himself. That didn't mean that didn't still think that Magnus was too good for him. Because Magnus really was. He was beautiful, and kind, and caring. 

Strong. Brave. 

The list went on. Alec could name things for hours and never even trip himself up, his ideas running dry. They just kept flowing.

 _Beautiful eyes. Beautiful smile. Soft hands._ Big _hands. His voice. His voice was-_ yelling at Alec right now. 

"Alexander, you think too loud," Magnus complained, looking over at Alec with a frown. 

Alec heaved a big breath. "You've said that before, you know."

"I do know! Which means you should stop thinking so loud. What is wrong? Tell me, or I will stop this car right now-"

"Chill, mom. I'll tell you. It's just that I don't see why you're still with me, and now that we're going on our first  _real_ date- and my first date ever- I'm afraid to mess it up, or do something stupid..."

Magnus was quiet a moment. "That. That whole entire thing you just said, was stupid. You're not going to mess it up. You're amazing, and being on a date with you will probably feed my soul for years. And for why I'm with you, well, that's simple. Because I love you. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

Alec nodded. "Yes. That exactly. Especially the part where you called my  _entire_ sentence stupid. You know, I work hard on these things, and you never appreciate them like I appreciate your rants about the cat you want so bad. If you want a fucking cat, then get a cat!"

Magnus scoffed. "You're mean. I haven't gotten a cat for a reason."

Alec hummed. "And why is that, oh mighty one."

Magnus sniffed. "I'm allergic."

Alec threw his hands up in the air. "Good Lord! Allergic to them? Why do you want one so bad? If you pet a cat are your ears gonna swell and your nose gonna fall off and your eyes gonna roll back into your head and never come out?"

"Then my eyes would have something in common with Raphael. Anyways, that's not what will happen. All that'll happen is I'll sneeze a lot."

"Did you just relate your allergy swollen eyes to Raphael because he won't admit that he's dating Simon?"

Magnus grinned, his eyes on the road. "Yes. Yes I did. Has Simon admitted that they're dating?"

Alec checked his phone for a message. "Nope."

"Did you just check to see if he texted you that they're dating?" 

Alec nodded. "Most definitely. Are you going to tell me where this date is at, or no?"

Magnus shook his head. "I don't think I am. See, I'm pretty sure you have no clue what a surprise means. Do you?"

"Of course I do. It means an unexpected or astonishing event, fact, or thing."

"Let me see your phone."

Alec pulled his phone protectively up against his chest. "No."

Magnus held out his hand, driving with just one hand because he could do that. "Alexander, let me see your phone."

Alec shook his head. "Not a chance."

Magnus shrugged. "Okay." 

Alec's mouth popped open when he noticed what Magnus was doing. "Don't pull over!"

"If you don't give it to me willingly, I will take it with force, and I cannot be driving in the middle of the street while I'm attacking you to grab your phone from your claws."

Alec sighed. "Fine. Here."

Magnus snatched the phone, and kept his eyes on the road as he put in his fingerprint. 

(Alec had let Magnus do it at a time of weakness, and still hadn't gotten the balls to delete it out. He probably would never delete the thumb print just in case he needed to use it to save Magnus from pirates who had captured him. Or, at least that's what Alec was telling himself.)

Magnus' eyes darted down, and a huge smile graced his face. "I knew you looked up the definition. It was way too proper."

Alec knew that he would look up every word's definition in the world to see that smile again. "So maybe I did. What're you going to do about it, huh?"

Magnus handed Alec's phone back. "Take you out."

"Like take me out back and shoot me? Or _take me out_ , take me out."

"Would I really take you out back to shoot you? Who do you think I am?"

Alec smiled. "Magnus Bane, The High Warlock of Brooklyn."

"And that's why I would be a warlock. Ragnor already gave me the nickname, and Raphael is just mad that he doesn't have any cool nick names. We could call him Dracula, or something."

"I really don't think that's a good idea."

Magnus ignored him. "I would totally be a warlock!"

 _Here we go again,_ Alec thought. 

 

"Magnus Bane."

Alec was looking around himself in awe. The restaurant was gorgeous. They were on the outdoor section, and there were fairy lights all around, a white hue casting along everything. The railings and tables were dark hardwood, and in the middle of all of the tables were small pots that had white flowers in them. Alec knew that the flowers were plastic, seeing as they had lights in the pistil of the flower. 

The overall ambience of the place was romantic, and Alec felt the nerves come back head on, a wave crashing over the shores of his mind. 

"Right this way, Sir," the Maître D' said, walking Magnus and Alec to a small table tucked away in the corner of the outside area.

From their table, Alec could see the stars perfectly.

Magnus pulled Alec's chair out, and Alec blushed, smiling softly before sitting down. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Magnus said, sitting in his own chair.

Magnus thanked the Maître D', and he nodded, before walking off and going back to his little spot.

"It's so beautiful out here," Alec said softly. He didn't want to speak too loud and ruin the calm that was washing over the area. All that you could hear was the gentle buzz of other people speaking, and the constant noise of New York behind them.

Magnus smiled. "Not as beautiful as you. But yes."

Alec flushed. "You're so sappy."

"Only for you, darling. I love it here. And I figured because I love you, why not take you somewhere else I love? And I know you love the stars so I got us a table outside so you could look at them."

Alec looked at Magnus. The liquid silver from the moon pooled in Magnus' face, making him look like a rare gem. There was something special about the stars tonight.

They were so dull. So _muted_. 

Because all Alec could focus on was the beauty in front of him.

His very own star. His very own moon. Anything and everything Alec wanted. There.

Alec smiled. "I'd much rather look at you."

Magnus shook his head. "See, it's stuff like that that makes me want to put you in a box and take you everywhere with me."

"You know what comes in a box?"

Magnus shrugged. "A lot of stuff comes in a box."

"Cat litter comes in a box."

Magnus gasped. "I take you to this beautiful establishment and you wound me! For that, I'm getting a cat, and I will let the cat pee on your side of the bed. Hear that? No need for boxes of litter."

Alec hadn't moved into Magnus' loft, but he was there more often than not. Alec was happy living with Simon, Izzy, and Jace- even if their apartment was expensive as hell. Eventually Alec did want to move in with Magnus. That much was sure. 

Just not yet.

"You know, even if he's peeing on my side of the bed, that doesn't mean you won't be able to smell it."

Magnus ignored the last part. "Who said the cat would be a he? Stereotype, much?"

"I swear you said he!"

Magnus shook his head. "That is incorrect. But I probably will get a guy cat. Maybe. I need to start thinking of names for said cat."

"Puffy, Fluffy, Snowball, Mr. Pickles- I heard that on a commercial once-, Kitty, Puss. I have more."

Magnus looked to be deep in thought, his finger on his chin. Before he could open his mouth to say something, the server came and asked for their drink orders. Alec decided to let Magnus at it, because he knew for a fact that he would order the wrong thing. 

"Sparkling Moscato d' Asti, please."

The man nodded, and was off. 

"Chairman Meow," Magnus said as soon as the man was gone. 

Alec squinted his eye. "What was that?"

Magnus nodded to himself. "His name will be Chairman Meow. No question. Now all we have to do is go to an animal shelter."

"I doubt one will be open this late, Mags."

Magnus waved that away. "I know, I know. Soon. We will find a cat soon."

"We?"

Magnus looked up at Alec, pulled out of his deep thoughts about cats. "Wait, I don't understand the question."

Alec drummed his fingers on his forearm, looking down at the table, too nervous to look at Magnus. One day, he'd be able to be confident around Magnus. "You said that we'd go find a cat. You want me to come?"

Magnus scoffed. "Baby, what do I have to do to get you to understand that I love you? Of course I want you to come find a cat with me. It'll be  _our_ cat, after all. Not just mine."

The only way to describe the smile that split Alec's face would be a supernova. It was like a star had exploded, bright and beautiful. "So, this will be our child? Magnus, I've never felt more honored."

Magnus glared at Alec. "I can never tel if you're messing with me or you're serious. Your voice is constantly monotone and sounds the same. You're going to have to work on that if you want our child to be happy."

"No, I'm going to have to work on it if I want you to be happy. Don't pin this on our soon to be child, Magnus Bane."

Magnus just grinned, while the server came back with the bottle of wine, or whatever the hell Magnus ordered. 

"Did you know that I still haven't unpacked my room?" Alec asked while the server filled up a wine glass. 

Magnus nodded. "See, I did know that. Because you're Alec, and also because you moved in yesterday. I'm not very surprised."

"What do you mean, 'because you're Alec'?"

Magnus shrugged. "You're Alec."

"Well, yes, that is who I am. But why is that justification for why I haven't unpacked my room?"

Magnus sighed. "Because it literally took you over three months to pack your room  _up_ , why would it take you a day to unpack everything?"

"See, that makes sense. There you go."

Alec took a small sip of the wine, and was pleasantly surprised. It was very bubbly. "This. I like this."

Magnus smiled. "Good. I hoped you would. So, have you found any places worth your time to work at? The offer still stands for you to work at my office, if you really want to."

Alec shook his head. "I want to find my own job. Not that I'm not grateful for you offering, but I just feel like this is something I should do on my own. Just like getting into college was. I want to know that I can live for myself, you know?" 

Magnus nodded. "I get it. I just want you to be happy."

"And I am. Being with you has made me beyond happy."

Alec turned his eyes to the stars. They were still fascinating. Always. But there was a mystery sitting right in front of Alec that he was so much more willing to discover. 

 

"I didn't know that you were so good at picking me food. I feel like I could eat another plate of that pasta. You know, as long as I've let the plate I already ate dissolve with my stomach acids."

Magnus grimaced. "Thanks for that image. I should just leave you here and drive myself home."

"You wouldn't dare. This is a date. You can't abandon me on a date! That's so cruel!"

Magnus put his phone up to his ear. "What was that, Ragnor?" He faked a gasp. "An emergency! Of course, I'l be there right away!"

Alec pouted, and Magnus slipped his phone back in his pocket, standing up and forcing Alec to do the same, taking Alec into his arms. 

"Are we going to dance beneath the stars?" Alec asked, his nose almost touching Magnus', thanks to Magnus bending down a bit. 

Magnus rubbed his nose on Alec's. "Of course. Who would I be to take my gorgeous boyfriend on a date and not dance with him beneath the stars?"

Alec laid his head on Magnus' shoulder. 

They were still on the outdoor deck, but the people around them weren't looking at them will judgement in their eyes. They were just looking, maybe even thinking about doing the same thing. 

Alec wrapped his hands loosely around Magnus' waist, not taking his head from the little corner he'd taken a liking to on Magnus' neck. Alec smiled into Magnus when Magnus put his arms around Alec's waist and held him tight. 

There was no music. Only the steady beats of Magnus' and Alec's hearts, the gentle sway of the wind around them, and the rhythm of noise escaping the city around them. 

Alec pulled his head from Magnus' neck, and looked at Magnus in his beautiful gold-green eyes. 

The stars danced behind Magnus' eyes, bottled up and floating around like fireflies. Puddles of silver danced around with them, and Alec felt himself fall in love all over again. 

It wasn't anything new. Everyday, Alec fell more and more in love.

But to Alec, it was like seeing Magnus all over again. Their first meeting- a nervous, self-conscious Alec, blushing and stuttering, and an over-confident, straightforward Magnus. When Alec saw Magnus again in the restroom of Lime Light. Magnus looked so beautiful that night. Always beautiful. The first time they had sex. The way the silver from the moon had wrapped around Alec and Magnus in the same embrace, making them look as one. 

Never before had Alec ever thought of someone as a star. He thought it was silly. 

But looking at Magnus, nothing could describe him better. 

Magnus was so bright. So beautiful. But he only shone when the sun was down and the darkness rose. He was a mystery, one that Alec would love to spend years learning; finding every nook and cranny, the spots of Magnus' body that Magnus hated the most, and make them feel loved. 

They were only swaying with each other. Not really dancing. But they held each other close. The only thing between them was the glow from the moon. 

"I love you so much, Magnus Bane," Alec said quietly. 

"I love you too, Alexander Lightwood."

 

Magnus' kisses on Alec's neck were gentle. Small brushes of his lips here, small ghosts of his breath there. 

Magnus licked in small spots, places he knew would make Alec shiver and curl his toes. 

Alec laid beneath Magnus, breathing heavily even though the both of them were still fully clothed, squirming after every small touch and every blow of Magnus' cool breath. 

Magnus slowly undressed the both of them, ravishing Alec's body with loving hands and holding all of the fire in the world in his eyes.

Magnus took his time, kissing every spot on Alec's body, finding places that he'd never before touched and making Alec ache with need and love. Gasps would fly from Alec's lips with every new touch, the staccato breathing got heavier and heavier, and Alec's heart pounded louder and louder. 

When Magnus' mouth  _finally_ found the one place Alec wanted him, Alec was already a shivering mess, pleas falling from his kiss swollen lips and tumbling around the room, bouncing to the walls and ricocheting off. 

Alec was lost in a sea of pleasure and happiness, and could barely hold in a yell of bliss when Magnus' fingers gently pressed against Alec, warm and slippery. When the fingers finally pushed in, Alec couldn't help but moan, his entire body overrun with feeling. 

Before long, Magnus was pushing inside of him, moaning along with Alec, their voices a perfect symphony. 

The room was full of their very own music, the sounds of their skin hitting together, the sounds of pleasure, the gentle murmurings of one to the other; words of love. 

Alec let his head fall to the side, his bottle-blue eyes watching the stars. 

There was nothing rushed, the only tell of time the lowering of the moon in the sky and quieting of the city around them. 

Alec and Magnus rose and fell together, both of them hitting the wall at the same time, yells of the other's name slipping from their lips. 

They were one, both of them breathing heavily, smiling the same. 

Neither dared to break the serene bubble around them. 

Now the only sound that filled Alec's ears was his and Magnus' slowing breathing, and the pounding of his heart in his chest, a wild animal trying to beat from its cage. 

Magnus cleaned them both off, before laying himself behind Alec, molding himself to Alec's back. 

They fit together like two pieces of a puzzle, the final pieces of the world falling together as soon as they clicked together. 

There were no whispered 'I love you's. There was no need for them. 

The 'I love you' was written plainly in the feeling of the other beside them, the breath skating on Alec's skin. 

It didn't have to be spoken. It was known, and it was felt. 

Alec was finally home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enJOY IT WHILE IT LASTS.  
> for that wine part, i had to go look it up and i picked the prettiest sounding one. :)
> 
> hi, i'm tori, and i love to ruin lives :) should i preorder my rug for my new home in hell? 
> 
> -i'm just going to chat with you guys because i love you <3
> 
> i am terrified. there is a hurricane about to touch down in galveston, and that means that my home will be getting about twelve inches of rain because of said hurricane. that meANS THUNDER.  
> (i am about two and a half hours away from galveston :))  
> edit: they said now it's thirty inches of rain gOOD LORD
> 
> so, today around noon i was about to go get my ID for school, and my cat got sick again. (yes, again. he has a lung asphyxiation, and he has spells where he gets sick.)  
> and, i was crying because that's my baby boy and i didn't want him to die, obviously.  
> my dad finally took him to the vet, and on the way there he pEED ON ME. he fucking peed on me. i wasn't mad, of course, because the poor thing was sick. so i just let him finish his business, and then we dropped him off at the vet.  
> (he's better now, he just needed some meds. i was vERY scared.)
> 
> so i keep having dreams about zombies (this is what the walking dead does to me) but so far, no nightmares.  
> the last nightmare i had was four or five years ago and it was about zombies. after that, i stopped watching TWD. and here i am, watching it again...
> 
> as always, kudos & comments are welcome, and much appreciated <3
> 
> -find me on twitter @salyersbaby. if you wanna 
> 
> all the love, angels <3


	15. I Drifted Through The Universe, Just To Lay Beside You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus go on a date. 
> 
> Magnus goes to see Maryse.
> 
> Someone from Magnus' past is there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, my sweets <3
> 
> listen: a storm is a brewing.  
> in the story and in real life.  
> we've already had two tornados touch down here :))))  
> around three it's supposed to get really bad again so here i am, trying to write away my nerves  
> (the thunder was so loud last night while i was sleeping i thOUGHT that it was A BOMB) 
> 
> warning: a little bit of smut?, dRAMA, light angst. no tears. (you're welcome) 
> 
> enter: sebastard.  
> (i swear i love sebby but i always make him so evil, someone stop me)
> 
> how's everyone feeling during this hiatus? i've been listening to wide eyed by billy lockett on repeat.  
> oops.
> 
> anyways, enjoy, angels <3
> 
> -i already had to find a new fucking song for the chapter titles ugh  
> this one is from dark star by jaymes young  
> (a great song that i've heard only a couple times :))

Alec woke up with a jolt. 

_Again?_

"ISABELLE I SWEAR IF I COME OUT THERE AND YOU'RE IN THE KITCHEN I WILL GROUND EVERYONE!" Alec yelled, already slipping on a pair of sweat pants to go look at the fucking mess his sister made. 

It had been like that a lot recently. No one aside from Alec had the balls to tell Isabelle that her food was shit and that in attempting to make food she almost caught the entire building on fire. 

Isabelle was running out of the kitchen when Alec left his room, egged on by the whispers of Jace and Simon. He couldn't help but smile at her, but had to morph his face into a frown so that she wouldn't know her attempts at cooking were actually really cute and made Alec love her even more. 

Alec entered the kitchen, and promptly exited the kitchen, not even going into the living room where everyone else was, but instead going back into his room because he refused to deal with that. It was too early in the morning, and Alec was too impatient. He didn't want to end up yelling at anyone and looking like a giant asshole. Because giant assholes were gross. 

Alec's phone lit up where it was plugged in on his nightstand and he carefully unplugged it. 

(The week before, Jace had unplugged his phone too fast- or too rough, or both- and the charger broke and got stuck in Jace's phone.)

There was a message from Magnus that already had Alec smiling before he'd read it. 

**Mags [9:30am]**

_So, this morning I was jogging, right, and I saw a sight. I saw a hotdog vender fighting with an ice-cream man._

_What has this world gone to, Alexander?_

Alec giggled- something that he was trying to stop doing, but Magnus kept dragging them out of him- and thought about what to reply. He wanted to sound cute, but he also was still a bit tired and his brain was more than a little bit muddy. 

**Alec [9:32am]**

_I'm not ignoring your question in anyway, but, did you jump in? And if you did, WHO DID YOU HELP?_

Alec threw his phone on the bed, disappearing into his closet to find clothes for the day. He was supposed to bring Magnus lunch, and he was also supposed to be going over to his moms, and he definitely wanted to look good for both occasions. 

Alec grabbed a dark green sweater and a pair of black skinny jeans. He knew that he'd probably be sweating, but he didn't mind that much. Magnus had gotten him the sweater a few weeks ago, and Alec decided that maybe it was time to try it on, especially if it would make Magnus smile in any sort of way. 

Alec padded over to his bed, throwing the clothes back on it and picking his phone up, checking for a message from Magnus. 

**Mags [9:33am]**

_I didn't jump in. Too sore from yesterday's workout, you know?_

_But if I had jumped in, I would've helped the ice-cream man._

_Always._

Alec grinned, typing out a quick reply. 

**Alec [9:35am]**

_I feel like that's an excuse..._

_And I knew that there was a reason I love you, and it's not just because you have a really nice voice ;)_

Alec started dressing for the day, his eyes waiting for a message, but nothing came up. He wasn't freaking out or anything- Magnus was a busy guy and was probably at a meeting, even at the early time. Business men were just  _mean._ Taking away Alec's precious time talking to his man. Alec sat on his bed with a huff. He'd never realized before how much Magnus actually worked. It  _sucked._ It really did. 

But Magnus always made up for it by being the best boyfriend. (At least in Alec's opinion. He doubted that there wasn't anyone else as kind and attentive as Magnus was.) 

Alec quickly grabbed his phone went it lit up. He wasn't nervous that Magnus was ignoring him, but that didn't mean that he wasn't awaiting the message on the tips of his toes. 

**Mags [9:40]**

_And I love you too. But, I have a bit of bad news._

Alec frowned.

**Alec [9:40]**

_What?_

The three little bubbles popped up, and Alec was nervously awaiting a message, but the bubbles went away. Alec frowned again, and was about to text something to Magnus when the doorbell to the apartment rang. Alec let his siblings answer the door while he starfished on his bed, wondering what the bad news might be. Was Magnus going to be busy for lunch? That had happened before. 

Alec's door opened and he was already scowling, ready to tell Jace to  _"knock, asshole, what if I was naked?"_

But Alec's scowl fell away and his mouth was opened like a fish when he saw Magnus standing there in all of his glory. He was wearing a black shirt that clung to his biceps and made Alec think dirty thoughts, and his pants were lilac purple. His hair was piled onto his head, some of it falling on his forehead. The tips of his hair were dyed the same color as his pants. 

He wasn't wearing any necklaces, but he had bracelets on his bare wrists (he had rolled up the shirt), and his fingers were adorned with sparkling rings. His eyes were lined with black and there was purple glitter on his waterline. 

"Magnus! Y-you look great."

Magnus grinned and walked further into the room, shutting the door behind him. "Happy to see me?"

Alec nodded mutely. He was pretty sure that if he opened his mouth, the dirty thoughts whirling around in his head would escape. 

Magnus walked over to Alec- who was still laid out on the bed- and straddled his hips. "I'm glad I got you this sweater. It looks amazing on you." Magnus ran his fingers down Alec's cheek, before leaning down to claim Alec's mouth. 

Alec arched off of the bed to get closer to Magnus, his mouth opening for Magnus. 

Magnus' fingers trailed down Alec's neck, stopping at the collar of his shirt. Alec gasped when Magnus rocked his hips above him, his body already responding to the little touches. 

Magnus hummed, pulling his mouth away from Alec's. "Maybe I should make you come like this. How does that sound?"

Alec tugged at Magnus' neck, pulling his face down. "Anything for you, Sir."

Magnus smiled. "Good boy."

Alec let Magnus pick the place where they'd get lunch at. Alec had lived in New York for less than a week, and still didn't trust his own food choices.

Magnus had unknowingly picked the diner that Simon and Alec had went to the same night they'd went out to Pandemonium, but Magnus seemed happy so Alec went along with it, a smile written on his face.

As they left, Isabelle gave Alec her look- the one that said she knew exactly what he'd been doing. Alec always hated that look.

"Bye boys, have fun!" Isabelle said from her spot on the couch. She was dressed in a regular pair of jeans and a white shirt. Her lips were still painted blood red- just like always.

Magnus grinned. "Thank you, darling. We will. You have fun doing whatever you do around here."

"Oh, I will," Isabelle replied, winking at Magnus before turning her attention to the TV.

Magnus turned his attention to Alec with an unasked question in his eyes, and Alec just shrugged, following Magnus out of the door.

"Hey, Izzy. What'd you do to Simon and Jace?" Alec asked, poking his head back into the doorframe.

Isabelle looked up, focusing her eyes on Alec. "They both started feeling sick. I think they might be throwing up."

Alec hummed. "Did they, by any chance, try your breakfast?"

Isabelle nodded. "I'm pretty sure."

"I see. Well, I'm going to go now. Have fun with them."

Alec shut the door behind him and threw his head back with a laugh, his hand held over his stomach.

Magnus just watched him with a small smile.

Alec caught his breath, before looking at Magnus, and promptly losing it again.

He was just so beautiful.

"Ready?" Magnus asked, holding out a hand for Alec to grab.

Alec slipped his hand into Magnus', and the entire world fell back into place. "Ready."

  
The redhead was behind the counter when Alec and Magnus walked into Taki's. She smiled brightly at Magnus, her face lighting up- and for a moment Alec felt a childish jealousy well up inside of him. Magnus smiled back, but he turned his eyes back to Alec as if that was where his eyes were meant to be.

"Hi, Magnus. And Alec, right?"

Alec nodded. "Correct. Nice to see you again."

Magnus frowned. "Again? Biscuit, have you been conversing with my boyfriend behind my back?"

Alec walked up to the bar, pullingMagnus forward with him, sitting down on a barstool and swiveled to face Magnus. "Are you coming?"

Magnus nodded and came to sit, but he was still looking at Clary with suspicion.

Alec leaned into Magnus. "I met her before Simon and I went to Pandemonium. She dealt with me pretty well, actually."

Magnus nodded. "Why'd she have to deal with you?"

"I was crying. If you do remember, that night kinda sucked for us."

Magnus didn't say anything. He just kissed Alec gently on the lips before turning his eyes to Clary. "Can I have a dry martini. And a light beer for him."

Clary nodded and moved around behind the bar.

"So, I'm going to my moms today. And she's been asking to see you constantly. Maybe you should come with me."

Magnus smiled. "I would love to, baby. If you want me to."

Alec was about to roll his eyes, but remembered what happened last time. Instead he just shook his head. "Of course I want you there. I love you, and I want her to love you too."

Magnus grinned. "So charming. How was there never anyone throwing themselves at you?"

Alec shrugged. "I guess it just takes the right person to see it. So, what do you think you're going to get? Last time I was here, I got-"

"I love you," Magnus said softly, as if it was his biggest secret and he trusted Alec enough to keep it safe, locked in his heart.

Alec felt his cheeks warm, but he didn't duck his head like he would've before Magnus. Instead, he lifted his chin higher. "I love you too."

"Here's your drinks." Clary sat Alec's mug of beer in front of him before setting Magnus' martini glass down. "So. Ready to order?"

Alec scoffed. "Not even close. Do you know how long it takes him to get ready? I swear he's as bad as my sister. Maybe worse."

Magnus sighed heavily, pouting. "It's not easy being this gorgeous. Makeup takes time."

"And like I say all the time: You don't need makeup!"

Clary smiled at Alec. "That's what I always said. Anyways, just call me over when you're ready to order."

Magnus nodded and thanked her, before taking a small sip of his martini and looking at Alec.

Alec realized that Magnus was waiting for him to try his beer, so Alec picked it up by the handle and took a sip. Disgusting. "You know, I'm not really an alcohol person. I'll leave you to do the drinking, thank you very much."

Magnus smiled and grabbed the laminated menu that was sitting in front of him. His eyes scanned the menu, and Alec just watched him.

Alec had always preferred the moon to the sun, but looking at Magnus with the sun hitting his face and making his already gold skin drenched in liquid gold, he was tempted to change his mind.

"You like what you see?" Magnus asked, not moving his eyes up from the menu but a smirk tugged at his lip.

Alec shook his head. "Nope. I love it. Anyways, what do you think you're getting?"

"Their chicken tenders sound good."

Alec threw his hands up in the air. "Another one? Really!"

Magnus looked over at Alec, his dark eyebrows drawn together. "What are you on about?"

Alec sighed. "Well, every time Simon and I go anywhere he orders chicken tenders and a Sprite. Literally anywhere we go. Mexican restaurant. When we go to Chinese places he orders sweet and sour chicken because it's the closest thing that they have to chicken tenders. It's like living with a toddler."

Magnus gasped. "Did you just compare chicken tender lovers to toddlers? Drooling, annoying, and loud toddlers?"

Alec shrugged. "Maybe I did. You know what- eat your damn chicken. But get extra fries so that I can eat them."

Magnus looked back at the menu. "And what will you be getting."

Alec smiled. "Their chicken alfredo is to die for."

  
"I don't know why you always insist on driving. Do you think I'm a bad driver? If you think that, you can just say so. I'm not going to be mad."

Magnus stuck the keys into the ignition. "I do not, in any way, think that you're a bad driver. I'm just a better one."

Alec scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. "Do you even know the way to my house?"

Magnus sat up in the driver's seat stiffly. "No. But you're going to tell me."

"Am I now?"

Magnus nodded. "If you want sex in any form- including kissing- you will tell me."

"You need sex. Don't pull that."

"I do not. I can abstain very well. You'd be surprised, sunshine. So, address?"

Alec sighed and pulled up Google Maps on his phone.

  
Maryse answered the door with a huge smile. Alec noticed that her eyes were puffy and there were dark bags underneath her eyes that she'd clearly attempted to hide with makeup. She was dressed in a tight fitting black dress and a pair of high heels that would've made Isabelle proud. Her long, dark hair was pulled back into a ponytail halfway down her back.

"Hi, Mom," Alec greeted, pulling his mom in for a hug.

Maryse hugged him tightly to her body, before pulling away with a small sniffle. "Hi, sweetie. And hi, Magnus. You'll have to forgive my horrible composure. One of our close friends just passed."

Alec frowned. "Who?"

"Do you remember Valentine?"

Alec pulled his mom in for another hug, holding her to him. "I'm so sorry, Mom. I know that you loved him very much."

Maryse cried against her son for a moment, before forcefully pulling herself together and pulling away. "So, his son is inside. I didn't want to tell you over the phone. I'm sorry-"

"It's okay. Magnus and I can make do. We're not evil, or anything."

Magnus, who was standing quietly behind Alec, nodded his agreement.

Maryse pulled the heavy oak door open all of the way, allowing the two boys to enter.

She shut the door tightly behind them.

Alec hadn't forgotten what the inside of his house looked like, but it was insane seeing it all again. The huge marble staircase, and the fountain settled in the middle of the front room.

Maryse walked them to the living room, all while Magnus was looking around himself with appreciative eyes.

"You have a gorgeous home, Maryse."

Maryse smiled. "Thank you, Magnus. From what Alec has told me, yours isn't too bad either."

Magnus smiled. "One day- hopefully soon- you'll be able to see it. I know my mother Cat has been wanting to meet you."

"Mom, you would adore Catarina. She's amazing."

They walked into the living room, and Sebastian Morgenstern was settled into the couch.

His silvery white hair contrasted hugely with the dark leather couch, and his dark green eyes looked almost black from where Alec was standing.

"Hello, Sebastian," Alec said, walking into the living room.

Sebastian looked up and smiled at Alec, before his eyes found Magnus'. His eyes widened, and he attempted to morph his features, but Alec had still seen the surprise- and something else he was absolutely not willing to look into.

"Hello, Alexander. And, Magnus Bane."

Sebastian's voice was still cold and detached- just like Alec remembered. Alec cringed when Sebastian used his full name, but didn't speak on it.

Instead he said, "You know Magnus?"

Alec looked over at Magnus, who looked very uncomfortable and was looking at the floor instead of at Alec.

"I do. I used to live in New York, and he's very good friends with my mother. How do you know him?"

Alec felt the same jealousy he'd felt earlier burn hot through him like lava. But the only thing that kept the top on Alec was Magnus grabbing his hand.

"Magnus is my boyfriend," Alec replied, calmly as possible.

Sebastian had the same surprised expression on his face from earlier, and he was, again, attempting to catch Magnus' eye. But Magnus refused to look up at him.

"Interesting," was all Sebastian said.

Maryse swept in, obviously attempting to diffuse the attention. "Come on you two. Sebastian and I were just about to have some tea. Sound okay?"

Alec pulled Magnus over to one of the dark love seats, holding tightly to Magnus' hand.

"I'm very sorry for your loss, Sebastian," Alec said. He really was sorry. It really sucked losing a family member- especially a father. Robert wasn't dead, but he was just as good as it.

Sebastian smiled gratefully. "Thank you."

Maryse handed Alec and Magnus their tea on a small saucer, and Alec thanked his mother quietly.

Maryse looked at Magnus after sitting down. "So, Magnus, how have you been? It has been a while since I saw you."

Alec rolled his eyes. "Less than a week."

Maryse shrugged. "He's easy to get along with. Even Jace likes him. Hard to do."

Magnus smiled bashfully. "Thank you. I've been well. Working a lot so I could get today off to spend with Alec."

Maryse smiled. "That's sweet. Very romantic. Have you, by any chance, gotten Alec to finally unpack his room?"

Magnus rolled his eyes. (And Alec was always the one getting in trouble for it.) "He's very stubborn. Every time I bring it up- "Oh, sorry, Magnus, I'm so busy today." I don't know what we'll do with him."

Alec cut in. "I was busy that one time. Isabelle had tried to cook breakfast that morning, and it was just horrible."

Sebastian looked between Alec and Magnus. "Do you two not live together?"

Alec shook his head. "No. I just barely moved to New York, and I thought it'd be absurd to move into his loft right away."

Magnus nodded. "And also because Isabelle would probably have beaten me up."

Maryse smiled. "She was very excited about living with her big brother. I thought it was sweet."

Sebastian seemed to only have eyes for Magnus. "And Magnus, how's work?"

Magnus looked at Sebastian. "Great. As always. Pretty boring, too, but much easier to deal with when I'm always getting lunch visits."

Maryse smiled tightly when she felt the tension clinging to the air. "How about we go on a tour?"

  
Alec was pissed. Sebastian kept finding ways to touch Magnus- on his hand, his lower back- and Magnus was too nice to say anything. Magnus was carefully push Sebastian's hand away, an uncomfortable look passing over his face.

Alec had to get out of there.

"Hey, Mom? Magnus and I should probably go. Wouldn't want Izzy to burn the apartment down."

Maryse smiled- as if she knew what Alec was really attempting- and nodded. "Of course. You know how stubborn she can be."

Alec shook Sebastian's hand. It was ice cold. "Nice to see you again."

Sebastian smiled- and it was almost as cold as his hand. "You too."

Alec hugged his mom, and watched Sebastian hug Magnus.

Magnus looked surprised, as if he didn't know what to do. He didn't wrap his arms around Sebastian, just let the moment pass.

Sebastian pulled away. "Always nice to see you, Magnus."

Magnus smiled, but didn't reply. Alec pulled Magnus from the house, his blood boiling.

Alec took the passenger's seat, not even ready to argue. He wasn't mad at Magnus. He just wanted to get the fuck out of there.

The beginning of the ride home was full of Alec looking out of the window with his arms crossed over his chest and Magnus looking over at Alec with worry filled eyes.

Magnus finally broke the silence. "Just ask."

Alec was quiet for only a moment. "How do you know him?"

"I used to be his sub. He was the only person I was a sub for."

"How old is he?"

Magnus glanced at Alec. "Thirty-two, I think."

Alec hummed. "Interesting."

The car got quiet again, before Magnus' hesitant voice bursted the bubble. "Are you mad at me?"

Alec shook his head. "No. Jealousy is a bitch, though."

Magnus sighed. "There is absolutely no reason for you to be jealous. I love you and only you. Got it?"

"Yeah. But you're going to have to tell me about him."

Magnus nodded. "Sure, baby. Anything for you."

Alec looked back out of the window, at the setting sun, lighting the sky like fire.

Magnus was the sun, and Alec was the moon.

A ying and a yang.

A perfect balance.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look at them talking through their shit, oh man.  
> "because giant assholes are gross" i apologize for that, it seems that at 5:00am i have no filter and also think i'm hilarious. 
> 
> no installation today because i hAVE SOME TEA (not really it's just a weird story) 
> 
> so in the middle of the night last night someone just came and laid in my bed and i, being tired as hell, just didn't care. (i figured it was my mom because she felt bad about the storm scaring me)  
> and then a bunch of really bad thunder happened (the BOMB thunder) so i like cuddled into said person (again, i thought it was my mom)  
> AND I WAKE UP THIS MORNING TO MY MOM WALKING IN AND ASKING ME IF I'M OKAY WITH SOMEONE STILL BESIDE ME  
> so i turn around and look at the person beside me and it's still too dark to really see so i'm just confused as hell and i say "who the fuck are you, then?"  
> it turns out it's my brother's girlfriend (who is supposed to stay in my room if she stays the night).  
> soooo i totally cuddled with my brother's girlfriend 
> 
> as always, kudos & comments are welcome <3 (for every comment alec has a moment of gay silence for magnus' new clothing choices.)
> 
> -find me on twitter @salyersbaby so we you can distract me from my impending death :)))
> 
> all the love, angels <3


	16. If I Told You Where I've Been, Would You Still Call Me Baby?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus have sleepy talk.
> 
> Alec is a good sub :)
> 
> An old "friend" shows up.
> 
> Alec doesn't take anyone's shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, lovelies <3
> 
> so, i'm still supposed to start school tomorrow (i'm hoping they'll cancel or delay because of the rain we're still getting) but, if i do start, that means updates won't be as fast as usual :( i'll try my hardest to quench everyone's malec thirst <3  
> edit: hAHA school got cancelled for monday :))) i'm two seconds away from crying tears of joy  
> they have literally never cancelled school before, even when the roads were actually frozen or when we got snow for the first time in twenty-seven years. i'm-
> 
> how's everyone feeling? all my other texan buddies staying safe? 
> 
> warnings: smut (finally!!!), BDSM, angst (more sebastard :)), fighting (listen,,, just remember i love y'all)
> 
> enjoy, angels <3
> 
> -btw, sebby & carrot are related but haven't had any sort of contact since they were children. luke is clary's father. :)

There was a time in Alec's life where he would never tell anyone his feelings. 

He had a cap on his head and tape over his mouth. There was no chance of anyone knowing his feelings. 

But now, after being with Magnus, Alec realized that was not the way to go. Keeping everything inside wasn't just hurting Alec. It hurt Magnus too, not knowing if he'd done something wrong, or if he'd hurt Alec. 

Being in a relationship meant that Alec wasn't just thinking of himself anymore. It was very different, having someone else who wanted to actually  _know_ how he felt, and couldn't just tell by looking at him like Simon and Izzy could. 

So when Magnus curled himself around Alec, ready for sleep, words started spilling from Alec's lips. There was no crying over spilled milk which meant that there was no crying over spilled words. 

"I was jealous today because of how Sebastian was looking at you. I know that you love me, but it's hard to see other people looking at you the same way I do. I was ready to kick his ass."

Magnus was quiet, and Alec was afraid that he'd fallen asleep. "I get it. But you have to know that him and I have history. We ended a long time ago, but that doesn't mean we weren't together."

Alec bit his lip, thinking of a way to describe his feelings in a way that didn't make him sound like a child. "You know that I'm yours, but sometimes I forget that you're mine. When I look at you, I feel like I don't deserve you, or the love that you give me. I know that's stupid, but I can't help my feelings. You're the first person I've ever dated, the first man I've loved. Sometimes my insecurities make me forget that I'm the first person you've dated too."

"And the first person I've ever been in love with. You and I aren't so different, Alexander. I don't want you to forget that. We might have different... experience levels, but that doesn't mean that our feelings are any different."

Alec ran his fingers through Magnus' thick hair, letting the words wash over him like water. Magnus loved  _him._ Alec knew that. He knew Magnus loved him- loved him so much he was willing to stray away from what he knew to make Alec happy. "I love you."

"I love you too, Alexander. Now go to sleep."

 

Alec woke up to an empty bed.

He remembered the conversation him and Magnus had the night before. Sebastian was nothing.

Alec stretched, Magnus' soft, silk sheets moving with him. Magnus' side of the bed was still rumpled and warm, telling Alec that Magnus had woken up not too long ago.

Alec slipped out of the bed, throwing on a t-shirt and a pair of sweat pants over his boxers. You never knew who could be at Magnus' loft.

Alec grabbed his phone off of the bedside table, unplugging it and reading the messages that were waiting.

 **Isabelle [7:35]**  
_So, turns out Simon and Jace had food poisoning._ _They're better now, though, so don't get your big brother pants on and run home._  
_Love you. Hope you're having fun._

Alec shook his head, a fond smile gracing his lips. One day he would find out if Isabelle knew that her cooking was bad or if she actually thought that she was chef material.

Alec had a message from Simon too.

 **Simon [8:30]**  
_Please come home. I think Isabelle is going to kill me. Maybe she already has. Am I dead? ALEC AM I DEAD?_  
_I don't think I've ever thrown up that much in my life. Not even when you and I got drunk at Pandemonium. And Jace- good Lord, don't get me started on Jace._  
_Anyways, it's official. Isabelle is murderer material._  
_Have fun. Loser._  
_Love you._

Alec rolled his eyes. Even over text message Simon didn't know how to shut up. It was sweet that Simon and Isabelle were still such good friends.

Just like Simon and Raphael supposedly were.

Alec walked down the stairs and he saw Magnus in the kitchen, sitting on a stool, his phone up at his ear. He was wearing a black tank top that showed off his toned, golden arms. He was making hand expressions as if the person on the other side of the phone could see him.

"Have you forgotten-"

Magnus ran a hand through his hair as the other person talked.

"Stop. Lose my number. I don't know how you got it in the first place."

And with that, Magnus pulled his phone from his ear, hanging up before setting it down on the counter. Alec didn't know if he should walk into the kitchen or give Magnus some time to sort his shit, but Magnus made the decision for him.

"Good morning, Alexander."

Alec frowned, walking all of the way into the kitchen and going to sit beside Magnus.

"Morning. So... wanna talk about it?"

Magnus shook his head, forcing on a smile. "No. Just work."

For some reason, Alec had a feeling that was a lie. He didn't say so. Just turned his attention to his hands that were resting, relaxed on the counter.

Magnus was quiet, before standing up and moving into the kitchen. His body was tense, his shoulders heavily set. There was something off.

"Anything specific for breakfast?"

Alec shrugged. "Chocolate chip pancakes?"

Magnus smiled, and Alec could tell it was forced. It was too thin- like a line. "Sure, baby. Anything for you."

Alec frowned but didn't say anything. He wished that Magnus could confide in him. Because that was not a work call.

  
The carpet was gentle on Alec's knees.

He was already breathing heavily, his fingers itching at his thighs. Fire trailed in tendrils through Alec's veins, licking at him on the inside. He wanted to feel Magnus' fingers brush through his hair, feel Magnus' breath ghost across his skin.

But Magnus was taking his sweet time.

The apprehension was probably the worst part. Alec never knew what Magnus had planned. His brain knew that Magnus would never hurt him, or force him to do anything that he didn't want to do, but apparently his body didn't. His stomach was in knots, and his hands were trembling with nerves. 

The carpet silenced Magnus' footsteps but Alec could feel Magnus' eyes trained on his naked back like a physical touch. It made a shiver run down Alec's spine.

Alec kept his eyes trained on the floor, not looking up at Magnus when he came to stand in front of him. Alec could see the tight skinny jeans that Magnus had worn the first time they had been in there. 

Magnus' warm fingers landed gently onto Alec's cheek, caressing the soft skin there. 

"Put your arms behind your back. Keep your eyes on the floor."

Alec did as he was told, his eyes trained on Magnus' feet. His toenails were painted a dark maroon, the same color as his finger nails. 

Magnus shifted behind Alec, kneeling down right behind him. Alec could feel Magnus' breath on the back of his neck as Magnus leaned forward. Something smooth wrapped around Alec's wrist twice, before wrapping around the other wrist the same amount of times. Magnus knotted it quickly, moving forward to kiss Alec at the top of his spine. 

Alec's arms were tied behind him.

Alec could practically sense Magnus' smile. "And I  _finally_ have you tied up. You know I've been waiting a very long time for this."

Alec's entire face went up in flames. He was pretty sure his whole body did, considering Magnus' little chuckle behind his back. He couldn't help it- any sort of comment from Magnus made his entire body freak the fuck out. Including his head. 

Magnus scratched his nails down Alec's spine, making Alec shiver, a moan slipping out of his lips. 

"Alexander?"

Alec gasped before catching his breath to answer. "Yes, Sir?"

"I'm going to worship your body. Every nook, cranny. Color?"

"Green."

Magnus almost immediately latched his mouth onto Alec's shoulder, biting down- hard enough to make Alec whimper. Magnus kissed the spot he'd just bit, before moving his mouth to Alec's shoulder blade, nipping and sucking. 

His mouth flew over Alec's back, finding places that Alec didn't even know made him moan. It was a new experience for Alec- getting his body worshipped. It made him feel loved. 

The only part that was really horrible was that Alec's dick wasn't getting the attention it deserved, and he was squirming by the time Magnus got done paying attention to his back. 

Magnus then moved around to Alec's neck, making a trail down his throat with his mouth. Every place that Magnus' mouth traveled sent a new sensation tingling down Alec's spine. 

When Magnus' mouth closed down on Alec's collar bone, Alec couldn't take it anymore. 

"Sir,  _please._ "

Magnus pulled back, looking up at Alec with expectant eyes. "Yes?"

Alec took a deep breath. "Fuck me. Please. I need you."

Magnus' eyes widened, before he smiled. His golden-green eyes were sparkling with something like excitement, and his golden skin was shining with sweat. "You got it, baby. Stand up. Eyes down."

Alec stood sloppily, his legs like jello beneath him. Magnus helped move Alec over to the bed, unknotting his wrists and letting his arms free, before helping Alec onto the bed.

"On your knees."

Alec pulled himself onto his knees, his elbows holding him. 

Magnus sat onto the bed behind him, pulling Alec's boxers down, exposing Alec's backside. 

A lubed up finger circled around Alec's hole, before pushing in, making Alec moan filthily. Magnus pumped his finger in and out of Alec until Alec was squirming beneath him. Magnus slowly pushed in a second finger, scissoring Alec open. 

Alec let his head fall onto his elbows, pushing back onto Magnus' fingers. Magnus crooked his finger inside of Alec, brushing up against his prostate and making Alec's entire head go fuzzy. 

A third finger joined the other two, filling Alec up to the brim. 

"Good?" Magnus asked, still pumping his fingers inside of Alec. 

Alec gasped out a yes, his entire body shaking.

Magnus pulled his fingers out, and Alec let a small whimper out when he heard Magnus' zipper coming down. 

There was a moment of silence when all that could be heard was Alec's heavy breathing- punctuated by little moans- and a shifting on the bed coming from Magnus. 

Alec's eyes rolled back into his head when he felt the tip of Magnus' dick tease at him. Magnus pushed in slowly, stretching Alec open.

A moan fell from Magnus' lips when he'd bottomed out inside of Alec. 

Alec didn't dare touch his dick, but he let Magnus push in and out of him slowly.

This was all that he'd wanted in the first place- Magnus' hands on him, Magnus inside of him. 

Alec was mumbling incoherently, obscenities falling from his lips. His mind was fuzzy, all of his thoughts focused on Magnus. Not like that was anything new for Alec. 

Magnus flattened his hand between Alec's shoulder blades, pushing Alec further into the bed. With every other thrust, Magnus brushed up against the bundle of nerves inside of Alec- the ones that made Alec's vision go dark around the edges, and his mouth open around a moan. 

Alec could tell that Magnus was about to come when his pace sped up, but he wasn't ready for Magnus to wrap his hands around his dick. 

" _Fuck,_ " Alec moaned, pushing his burning face further into the sheets, all of the feelings rushing to him. "Sir- I n-need to c-come, please."

Magnus kept pumping his hand and pushing into Alec. "Come for me."

When Magnus brushed up against his prostate again, Alec lost it, his body shaking, his dick throbbing. He squeezed his cheeks together, and Magnus moaned behind him, coming with a cry of Alec's name. 

Magnus caught his breath before pulling out, leaving Alec empty. Alec moaned, curling up in the bed, his head on the pillow. 

Magnus just smiled, looking at Alec, before standing up. "I'll clean you up."

Alec nodded, closing his eyes against the bright light spilling into the room. He was tired, his entire body drained of energy. Alec smiled when he felt Magnus behind him, wiping the come from his ass and off of the bed beside him. 

"All good?" Magnus asked. 

"All good," Alec replied, snuggling into the blanket that Magnus pulled over him. 

Magnus kissed Alec gently on the forehead, before going to walk out of the room. 

Alec sat up quickly. "Stay? Until I fall asleep."

Magnus turned back to Alec with a smile. "Until you fall asleep."

Alec laid back down, watching as Magnus padded over to him and laid on top of the covers, watching Alec. "Goodnight."

Alec giggled before closing his eyes. "Goodnight."

 

Alec woke up when he heard a shout. He sat up quickly in the bed, and noticed that the room was still drenched in a liquid gold light. Alec stretched his arms above his head, slowly getting out of the bed, until he heard another shout- which sounded a lot like Magnus. 

Alec quickly slipped out of the room, walking to Magnus' room and finding a shirt and sweat pants to throw on, before walking down the stairs. He stopped short when he saw Sebastian sitting on one of the barstools and Magnus standing on the other side of the marble island. 

Magnus looked very upset, his hair was sticking up, and his cheeks were tinted red with anger. 

"Magnus?" Alec said quietly as he stepped all of the way off of the stairs, watching the way Sebastian's shoulders tensed up.

Magnus reacted the opposite way, his entire body releasing the tension running through him. "Alexander. Hi, baby. Sebastian was just leaving."

Sebastian stood up. He was wearing a dark green t-shirt and a pair of light jeans. His blonde hair was neat, and he just looked like an asshole that Alec would've normally avoided. "Hello, Alec."

Alec smiled, a tight, close-lipped smile. "Hi."

Sebastian gestured to Magnus. "We were just talking about business."

Alec hummed, walking into the room, leaning against the edge of the counter. "I see. Well, I wonder what kind of business involves yelling. Want to fill me in?"

Sebastian shrugged, going to sit back at the bar stool. "Actually-"

Magnus cut in. "Sebastian, please leave. I don't want to talk to you."

Sebastian glared at Magnus. "But Alec asked me a question! I'd hate to be rude and ignore him."

Magnus scoffed. "Sebastian, honey, its a bit too late for niceties. Just go."

Alec stiffened as Sebastian gave Magnus a murderous glare. There was no way in  _hell_ Alec would stand there while Sebastian looked at Magnus like that!

Sebastian stood again. "Whatever. Alec, I'm warning you not to fuck with Magnus. It'll end horribly."

Alec felt rage pour over him like hot lava. "Say something like that again, and  _you'll_ end horribly."

Sebastian only rolled his eyes. "Sure. I guess I'll be going, then. And Magnus, be careful. I heard sometimes the young ones can be addicting. He does have a tight ass-"

That was the last straw. A fire had been slowly building inside of Alec, and all it needed was one last blow of oxygen to ignite. 

Alec slammed his fist across Sebastian's face, hitting right on Sebastian's left eye. 

Alec heard Magnus gasp, but he was ready to keep going- keep hitting Sebastian's pretty face. Magnus' hands grabbing Alec was all that stopped him. 

There was a throbbing in Alec's hand- and God, he didn't know hitting anyone hurt that bad- but he felt  _good_ adrenaline pumping through his veins with every new heartbeat. 

Sebastian had a hand over his eye, and he looked  _pissed._ Alec could care less. 

"Now will you go?" Magnus asked, still gripping Alec to him tightly. 

Sebastian stood up straight, not saying anything, before slipping out of the front door with a stiff back. 

Alec gasped as soon as Sebastian left, shaking out his hand. "They don't tell you in the movie how much it hurts to hit someone. But if I could choose how I could break my hand, that is the way I'd do it."

Magnus was quiet, still holding Alec to him. 

"Magnus?"

Magnus spun Alec around, and Alec was surprised to see tears at the corners of Magnus beautiful eyes. "No one has ever punched someone for me."

"Does it make you feel better to know that I've never punched somebody for anyone?"

Magnus smiled, laughing a tear-filled laugh. "I love you. So much."

Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus. "I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops, that was fucking adorable :)   
> and alec has a pretty good right hook if i do say so myself. 
> 
> did you guys really think that malec was going to fight? who do you think i am? satan?  
> (they're on a roller coaster that only goes up, my friends ;))
> 
> so i was watching deadpool with one of my friends and it turns out i have the whole movie memorized and enjoy saying every single line along with the characters.  
> she was not amused. 
> 
> fun fact: the thunder has began again, but my brother's girlfriend isn't here to cuddle with me :'(  
> i'll just use headphones and hide under the covers because it works in horror movies 
> 
> speaking of scary movies, i literally cannot wait for the remake of IT to come out.  
> it's so hyped up, it better be fucking amazing and it better make me scream and cry or i'll be very upset
> 
> as always, kudos & comments are welcome, and very appreciated <3 (for every comment, todd will answer our malec questions for season three- SANDALWOOD SHAMPOO)
> 
> -find me on twitter @salyersbaby :)
> 
> all the love, angels <3


	17. My Heart Was Born Out Of The Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec finds... something when he gets home.
> 
> Isabelle and Alec have brother and sister time.
> 
> The whole apartment knows how to party. 
> 
> Magnus comes and brings Raphael along.
> 
> Everyone likes drinking. 
> 
> Sleepover :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, my sweets <3
> 
> so here it is. the last real chapter of make me feel something.  
> the next chapter will be the epilogue, so i'll leave all the tear-filled thank you's and i love you's for that :) 
> 
> guys, it has stopped raining! (for now) and i can almost see the sun!  
> so exciting.
> 
> i can't believe i'm going to school tomorrow it makes me want to cry but i'm also really nervous just- ;-;
> 
> warnings: bye papa lightwood *insert waving emoji*, izzy & alec time, raphael, clace, friends drinking!!!, a surprise!!! 
> 
> enjoy, angels <3

Alec's hand was  _throbbing_ when he got home, all of the adrenaline fading away and leaving behind the pain. 

He didn't regret hitting Sebastian in the face. He was actually very proud of himself for doing it. The asshole deserved it.

When Alec pushed through the front door of the apartment, his hand held protectively against his chest, he was met with... a sight.

Isabelle was wielding a spatula- again, are you kidding me?- Simon looked to be holding up a trash can lid, protecting himself from the flood flinging itself off of Isabelle's spatula. Jace was squatting on the counter, looking as if he was about to sneak up on Isabelle and snatch the spatula from her hand.

Everyone's head turned to look at Alec when he stepped in, and Alec just stared right back.

"What the fuck is going on?" Alec asked, looking at the food stuck onto the wall- if you could call it food- and Simon's defensive position.

Jace hopped off of the counter, going to stand in front of Alec and looking into Alec's eyes with pleading golden ones. "Simon and I tried to get Isabelle to stop cooking and she just started screaming at us in Latin! And then she started flinging around that spatula and getting it everywhere so Simon grabbed a trash can lid to protect himself. It was all very fast."

Alec grinned, looking at Isabelle. "You remember the Latin I taught you?"

Isabelle nodded, setting the spatula down in the sink and walking past Simon, who currently had his mouth hung open and was staring at Alec like he was a stranger. "Of course! You were a great teacher. So how was Magnus'- what happened to your hand?"

Alec looked down at his fist. His knuckles were swollen. "I punched Sebastian Morgenstern. But don't change the subject. I want all of you to clean up this mess. Got it?"

The three of them nodded guiltily, and it made Alec smirk.

"Have fun," he said, walking past them and into his room. He really needed some ice for his hand but he didn't want to be in there while they all cleaned up their mess.

And Alec already missed Magnus.

Magnus had to, of course, go into work, so Alec decided that he'd go back home. He didn't want to overstay his welcome.

Magnus really didn't want to leave, but he had to. He'd given Alec a sweet kiss and thanked Alec for socking Sebastian right in the eye. Alec had blushed and had hugged Magnus, before slipping out of the front door. 

Alec laid on his bed, holding his hurt hand on his chest and he spread his legs like a giant starfish, staring up at his white ceiling. He wanted to see Magnus again. He really did. 

Someone knocked quietly on Alec's door, and he granted entrance. He knew for a fact that it wasn't Jace because he would not have knocked. 

It was Isabelle, walking in with an icepack and a smile. She held the icepack up like a peace offering. Alec smiled at her and waved her in, sitting up and swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. 

Isabelle came and sat beside him, making a grabby hand, and taking Alec's swollen hand in her own. She settled the icepack on top of his knuckles, frowning apologetically when he winced. "Sorry. So, want to tell me what happened?"

"Sebastian Morgestern showed up at Magnus' house and started talking shit, so I punched him in the eye. That's about all that happened, really. I would've hit him again if Magnus hadn't stopped me like he did."

Isabelle nodded, looking up at Alec with worried brown eyes. "I have something to tell you."

Alec nodded. "And what might that be?"

"Dad is moving to Canada. He got work there, and there's nothing for him here anymore. None of his children want anything to do with him and his wife just divorced him."

Alec looked down at his hand. A small part of him wanted to tell his dad to stay- to tell him that they should  _try_ \- but the bigger part of him told him no, that he needed to protect himself and Magnus. "Good."

Isabelle smiled, before leaning her head onto Alec's shoulder and closed her eyes. "Did you ever think it would be like this?"

Alec laughed. "Think that we'd both be happy? Never. But I'm glad that we are, Izzy. We deserve to be happy.  _You_ deserve it. You deserve the world."

Isabelle wrapped her arms around Alec's shoulder. "You're the best big brother. Did you know that?"

Alec shrugged, laying his head on Isabelle's. "I like to think I am, but it's good to know you think the same thing."

 

Alec was sat on the couch, Simon sprawled out beside him, his feet in Alec's lap. Jace was on the floor leaning back against Alec's legs, his gold hair resting on Alec's knees. 

Isabelle was moving around the house, picking up the mess that was their apartment. "We should have a party."

None of the boys moved their eyes from the TV.

Isabelle sighed heavily before going to stand in front of the TV.

Jace groaned, flopping his arms around, and Alec just turned his eyes to Isabelle instead of the TV behind her. 

"Did you three hear me? A party. I already sent out an invitation on Face Book, so you three better get ready. Alec I invited Magnus, Simon I invited Raphael. So, come on, get up!"

Alec pushed Jace away with his feet, and then pushed away Simon's feet, standing up and stretching. 

"Why did you feel the need to point out the fact that Raphael is coming?" Simon asked, sitting up. 

Isabelle rolled her eyes. "We all know that you're dating Raphael. Don't even pretend like you aren't. So, are you going to get up or not, because I am not getting this entire apartment ready myself."

Simon stood, stretching out his arms, before pulling Jace up from the ground and facing Isabelle. "Fine. We'll help you clean. But someone needs to get alcohol and snacks, and I vote that it's me because we all know that I'm shit at cleaning."

Isabelle shrugged. "Whatever. Everyone hurry up now. People will be coming at six. Let's go!" Isabelle starting clapping her hands, as if that would make them all move any faster.

It seemed to work for Simon, because he was power walking to the kitchen, snagging his keys off of the hook. Jace just sat back down on the couch, until Isabelle came up behind him and pushed him up.

"Get your ass up, Jace Lightwood, or so help me God I will pour bleach in your conditioner, don't think that I won't."

Jace sighed, shrugging off Isabelle's hands and walking off into the kitchen, picking up some of the mess left over from "breakfast."

Alec looked to Isabelle for his task, and she grabbed his good hand, pulling him along with her into his own room. "Let's find you something to wear so that you look sexy."

Alec rolled his eyes but let Isabelle dress him as she pleased. There was no way in hell he was about to argue with her when she was on a roll like that. She probably would've tackled him and attempted to strangle him into what she thought was a cute shirt. 

Isabelle sat Alec on the bed before turning back to his closet, her eyes searching through the limited color choice. Her hand closed on a clue t-shirt, and she turned around with a victorious grin. "I found something? Crazy that I actually found a color other than black."

Alec grabbed the shirt from her hand. "I have some gray and brown in there."

"And what color did they used to be?"

Alec pushed Isabelle out of the room. "Out, out, out. Get out."

Isabelle laughed as she walked out of the room, throwing back her head. 

Her laugh was so infectious, so contagious, that Alec couldn't help but laugh with her. 

 

Music was flowing through the apartment, pumping the walls in time with the beat. Alec didn't really want to leave his room, but he sighed, pushing through the door of his bedroom. There were a few people loitering in the hallway, some of them with drinks, others with hands shoved awkwardly in their pockets. Most of the people were in the living room and kitchen.

The front door of the apartment was open, letting anyone in. Alec didn't know if he was okay with that, but decided to let it slide because he was pretty sure that there were no mass murderers residing in their building.

Isabelle was in the living room, her and Jace with people circled around them, clinging onto their every word. Alec wished that he could rope people in like the two of them could- and like Magnus could- but he was sorely lacking people skills. 

Simon was in the kitchen, talking to Clary- who Alec was pretty sure didn't live in their building- and he looked comfortable enough in her presence so Alec decided to join them instead of attempting to keep up with Isabelle and Jace. 

"Alec!" Simon called when Alec walked into the kitchen, a bright smile on his face. 

Simon had been happier recently. Alec wouldn't say it was because of the appearance of one grumpy car driver, but he knew that's why. If Simon and Raphael were happy keeping their relationship- or whatever they had together- under wraps, then there must've been a good reason. 

Alec smiled at Clary before pulling Simon into a side hug, and grabbing an empty red solo cup off of the counter. "What're you drinking, Simon?"

Simon looked into his glass like the answer would be spelled out in it, and then looked back up at Alec with a shrug. "You know, I have no clue. Just put Sprite and vodka in it, and there's your drink."

Alec did as Simon said, putting mostly Sprite and a little bit of vodka in it, and mixing it up with a spoon. Alec took a small sip, and he could drink without coughing up his lungs, so he decided that it passed inspection. 

"Hey, Alec," Clary said softly. 

Alec figured that she was beautiful. He wasn't into girls, obviously, but he could recognize a beautiful girl. Jace would probably like her, for at least a night, and then he'd leave her. Alec decided that he wouldn't introduce the two of them.

"Hi, Clary. How's the party going?"

Clary shrugged. "I have no clue. I'm not really conversing with all of them. I'm not a big people person."

Simon slung an arm around Alec's shoulder. "Join the party. Alec and I usually avoid shit like this, but of course we decided to live with Isabelle and Jace, literally the most social people ever. Stupid idea."

Alec just rolled his eyes. "You know you love living with them. You'll never believe what I walked into this morning!"

Clary cringed. "I'm not sure I want to know- hey, who's that?"

Alec looked to where her eyes were, and sure enough, they'd snagged on Jace.  _There goes my perfectly devised plan._ "That's my little brother, Jace. He's kind of a dick, but everyone loves him anyways. And the girl with long black hair beside him, that's my little sister."

Clary nodded, but Alec could tell she was a bit distracted. Her eyes would fly over to Jace every once in a while. 

Simon set a hand on Clary's shoulder. "I got you Clary."

Clary began protesting, but Simon waved them away, yelling Jace and Isabelle's names to get their attention, and gestured for the two of them to come join their little group. Isabelle shrugged and started pushing through the crowd with a pretty smile, Jace following close behind her.

"Hi!" Isabelle said as soon as she was close enough to be heard. "How are you, Clary? I didn't even see you come in!"

Clary smiled, giving Isabelle a hug. "I'm good. How are you, Isabelle?"

"I'm okay. Oh! So this is Jace, I've been telling you about him. Jace, come say hi to Clary."

Alec watched as his brother came forward with a smile, kissing Clary on the knuckles and smiling victoriously when Clary turned beet red. Simon just sighed, leaning his head on Alec's shoulder. "Young love."

Alec poked Simon in the ribs. "You would know. Speaking of, where are our suitors. I kinda miss Magnus."

Simon didn't argue with Alec, and instead pulled his head from Alec's shoulder, looking over to the door with big brown eyes hidden behind brown glasses. "They just walked in. Come on."

Alec kissed Isabelle on top of the head, before following Simon over to the front door.

Magnus looked beautiful, just like he always did. He was wearing a tight black shirt that read 'A MILLION BUCKS' in silver sequins, and he was wearing tight, ripped dark blue jeans. His black hair had a few silver streaks in it, and his eyes were lined with dark kohl. The rest of his face didn't have any makeup, only some shiny stuff on his cheeks Alec knew to be something called highlighter.

Magnus grinned brightly when he noticed Alec walking their way, and when Alec was close enough, he pulled Alec in for a kiss.

Alec smiled into the kiss, holding his boyfriend tightly, before pulling away. He was close enough to Magnus' face to see the gold and green mixed together in his eyes, and see a few stray pieces of glitter on his cheeks. "Well, hello there."

Magnus pecked Alec on the nose, before pulling away and assesing Alec's outfit. "Hello yourself, sexy. Isabelle dressed you?"

Alec didn't know if he should be offended that he wasn't trusted to dress himself, but he knew that there was probably zero possibility that he'd picked the shirt himself. "Yeah. Always. Anyways, come on in. Party is at its peak now that you're here."

 

Alec wasn't drunk. He really wasn't. 

He was  _buzzed_ , thank you very much. There was no drunkness going on with him.

But Simon- well, that was a different story. 

A total different story. 

Simon was shit-face, walking around like an idiot and yelling  _constantly_ , annoying the shit out of party mom Raphael. 

But when Simon said that they should play Truth or Dare, Alec could've sworn that he could kiss the drunk idiot. He would never, of course, and immediately apologized to a very confused Magnus for thinking it. 

Simon plopped down on the floor, setting his drink on the table. Everyone else had left theirs lying around before they left, not cleaning up their mess. Alec didn't mind much- he probably would've done the same thing.

The only party-goers that were still there were Magnus, Raphael and Clary- who had barely left Jace's side all night. Jace didn't mind, and normally he would've been trying to kiss Clary by now, but he seemed happy just slinging an arm around her shoulder. 

Everyone sat around the coffee table as well, and Alec was squished between Isabelle and Magnus. Alec decided that if he had to be squished by two bodies, it would be the two of them anyways. 

"Because this was my bright idea, I get to chose who goes first," Simon announced. 

Jace leaned forward. "I have an idea. If you pick truth you have to drink  _and_ answer the question."

Simon clapped loudly, a huge smile gracing his face. "Amazing idea, buddy. Let's begin. Raphael! Truth or dare."

Raphael was sitting beside Simon and flinched when Simon all but yelled into his ear. "Dare."

Simon slapped his hands on his thighs, but Alec could tell that Simon already knew what he'd dare Raphael to do. "I dare you to kiss me!"

Raphael was about to argue, when Jace leaned forward a second time. "If you don't do the dare, you chug."

Raphael sighed, before wrapping his hands around Simon's face and pressing a kiss to his lips. Simon melted into it and Alec shook his head out with a groan. 

"Ew. Good Lord, ew. Please stop now."

Simon pulled away laughing, and Raphael was viciously wiping at his lips, a rose tint high on his cheeks. 

Raphael looked up, and his eyes landed on Alec- Alec, who was being so nice!. "Truth or dare, Alec."

Alec sighed heavily, glaring at Raphael. "Dare."

"I dare you to write a note on Magnus' bare chest. Anything you please. But with a sharpie."

Alec was ready to say no. He wouldn't make Magnus do that- especially not for a  _game_. But Magnus grabbed his arm. "Go find a sharpie, darling."

Alec hesitated, but when Magnus nodded- and he looked so earnest- Alec stood to find a sharpie. 

There was one in the junk drawer of the kitchen, and Alec yanked the lid off of it like it offended him personally. Magnus already had his shirt off, and looked uncomfortable to have his scars out for everyone to see, but they were all either too drunk to notice or didn't care. Raphael seemed to be in a state of shock, but quickly cleared his face and looked at his hands. 

Maybe he didn't know about Magnus' past like Alec thought he did.

Alec plopped back down, sitting in front of Magnus.

Magnus nodded, and Alec leaned forward, holding a hand on Magnus' shoulder to steady himself. He wrote out his message quickly, before pulling away with a smile. "All done."

Magnus looked down at his chest, and lifted his face with a huge smile, his eyes trained on Alec's. "I love you too, baby."

There were awe's coming from their friends- save Raphael- and a blush filled Alec's cheeks as he looked at his friends. 

Raphael looked uncomfortable. "Let's go to bed, guys. Some of us have to work tomorrow."

Simon grabbed Raphael's hand. "Are you going to stay the night?"

Raphael's eyes traveled to Simon on his own, and he nodded. "I'll stay the night."

Alec thought that was a monumental moment in their "not"-relationship, and a smile flitted onto his lips.  _Good for Simon._

Magnus slipped his hand into Alec's and with a few goodnights, they disappeared into Alec's room.

 

Magnus' body was always warm, like he was holding an ever-present fire inside of his body. He was especially warm with all of his clothes off, and when he was covered up with a blanket. 

"You let me touch your chest today," Alec said quietly, his voice shattering the silent bubble that had protected the room.

Magnus nodded against Alec. "Yeah, I did. I realized that it's not so bad when you touch me. It's scary."

Alec looked over at Magnus, liquid silver illuminating his face. Magnus looked like an angel. "It doesn't have to be. You've already let me into your heart."

"Do it, then. But slowly."

Alec nodded, and slowly set his palm on Magnus' chest, right on top of the word 'love' that he had written there. Magnus' chest was just as warm as the rest of him, and the warmth seeped into Alec's body. 

Magnus' breathing didn't change, he didn't flinch away. He just laid there, like it was normal for him to have Alec's hand laying there. "I like it. A lot."

Alec smiled, pulling his hand away. "Me too."

Magnus opened his arms, and finally,  _finally_ , Alec cuddled into the man that he loved, resting his head on Magnus' thundering heart beat. 

Alec had never argued with the fact that Magnus couldn't be touched- at least, not after that  _one incident_ \- but now that he knew what Magnus' skin felt like beneath his own, he knew that he'd hold on and never let go. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :') 
> 
> so, to wield away the sad chats, let's talk about something funny.  
> (guys, i literally have nothing i spent about ten minutes trying to think)
> 
> when i was watching the walking dead this guy said that they made spaghetti for dinner, and i realized, when people say that they're making something for dinner in books or shows or movies they always say spaghetti. and THEN my mom makes spaghetti for dinner!  
> (btw, i hate spaghetti because it's made too much and my mom totally got mad at me for cringing when she said she was making spaghetti) 
> 
> i have something funny! okay here i go:  
> last night i was reading a fanfiction and there was this blonde guy making fun of magnus, and my first rational thought was that it was jace, right?  
> so my friend and i went on a roast for jace because i was fucking heated  
> "FUCKING STRING BEAN"  
> "no, seriously, his hair looks like chicken ramen noodles"  
> anywayssss, long story short, it wasn't jace that was making fun of maggie but i still enjoyed my time :)  
> as always, kudos & comments are welcome and much obliged (who says that anymore???) <3 (for every comment, alec almost falls but magnus catches him (i need this))
> 
> -find me on twitter @salyersbaby
> 
> all the love, angels <3


	18. You Could Be The One To Make Me Feel Something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus read an email.
> 
> Everyone finds out Jace is a terrible planner.
> 
> Dinner never hurt anyone, right?
> 
> New York vs. Providence. 
> 
> A question... :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, angels <3
> 
> here is the epilogue of make me feel something :) we made it!
> 
> warnings: love, love, love, & more love.  
> (y'all i made up my own editing/press office for alec, you're welcome.) 
> 
> i hope that this ending gives everyone the ending they'd wanted. 
> 
> enjoy, angels <3

 

Alec had a very busy next couple weeks. 

He was trying to find jobs, but he couldn't find one where just got a  _vibe_ that it'd be a good place for him to spend all of his time. That he'd feel comfortable working there. 

And then he found NYCP, and he fell in love with the place quickly. He worked hard to get an application, and even got help from Magnus to fill it out to the best of his abilities. 

Magnus was very good help, very patient. He was also pretty distracting, but Magnus couldn't help the fact that he was beautiful. It was Alec's fault for getting distracted by him, like a child might get distracted by a pretty toy.

Alec had been nervously awaiting the reply, as if it'd come faster than he could say "I love Magnus Bane."

It hadn't come that fast. (Anyways, Alec never really said that. He definitely thought it, at least once every few hours.)

When the reply finally landed in his email, Alec was positively not ready for it.

It wasn't that Magnus was very good at seducing him. It was just that Magnus was very persuasive and Alec also really liked to say yes to Magnus because where was the fun in denying him?

So that's how Alec landed himself pushed up against the wall of his kitchen, Magnus flush against his body.

"Did you know that I really, really, want to fuck you right now?" Magnus asked, grinding sensually against Alec.

Alec nodded, and with a gasping breath, answered the questions. "I noticed. I'm pretty sure that's not a package of tic-tacs in your jeans."

Magnus grinned. "Such a smarty pants. Speaking of pants- mind if I take yours off?"

Alec shook his hand, letting Magnus unbutton his casual blue jeans. "No argument from me here. As long as you take yours off too, because that would just be unfair."

Magnus pushed his lips against Alec's, eating up the groan that fell from Alec's lips with pleasure.

Alec carded his fingers into Magnus' black and maroon hair, ready to rip it out, when a ding came from his computer. Alec gasped, pushing a confused Magnus out of the way, and running to his laptop. "Magnus, they might've answered me about the job!"

Magnus was beside Alec in record time, bending down beside him and reading over his shoulder. "Alexander-"

Alec clapped his hands over his mouth, turning to look over at Magnus with tears in his eyes.

  
"How are we going to celebrate?" Jace asked, pacing around the living room with a determined face only a man-on-a-mission could wear.

Isabelle looked up at Jace, her eyes already annoyed. "Alec doesn't like parties. You do. So no to that."

Jace sighed, plopping himself on the couch and looking up at the ceiling like an answer would come dripping from it like rain. "Well, there goes my only idea."

Alec looked up from his phone. "May I remind you all that I only have a few friends, and you're pretty much looking at them, save for that girl Lydia I still chat with every once in a while. Why don't we just do a dinner or something? I want the celebration for my job to be something that I'll like and remember. No offense, but the only time I'd remember a party was if I got laid after it."

Jace cringed- as he always seemed to do when reminded that Alec was a homo-sapien who had sex very often- and Isabelle just nodded.

"Good idea," Isabelle said. "I'll get everyone together, and we can celebrate the best big brother ever."

Jace nodded along until what Isabelle said really registered in his head. "Hey! I thought I was the best big brother ever!"

"Yes. You are. Right after Alec," Simon said, walking into the living room with his eyes glued to his phone.

Alec guessed him and Raphael were having one of their famous "We are not a thing!" fights that they had once a week. "Why thank you. I knew that there's a reason I'm friends with you."

Simon didn't reply, just frowned at his phone, typing up a reply furiously.

"Anyways!" Isabelle said, taking everyone's eyes off of Simon. "I think we should go back to Rhode Island for the dinner. Back to the Lime Light place. We have good memories there."

Jace nodded. "Like when Simon laughed so hard Sprite came out of his nose and he started bleeding."

Simon looked up from his phone with a scoff. "Okay Mr. I-hit-on-my-gay-waitress."

Isabelle cut in, stopping the war that was about to begin. "Well, I was talking about the fact that that was where Alec saw Magnus for the second time. In the bathroom."

Alec nodded. "And he gave me his number right before licking my ear."

Simon gasped. "I remember that! And then he called me Sheldon and said he was happy that you came to see him instead of me. That was a good night."

Isabelle nodded. "Yes, I know. Alec when do you want to do this? I vote tonight."

"Aye!" Jace said, throwing his hand up in the air.

Simon did the same, giving his stamp  
of approval.

Alec shrugged. "Tonight it is."

 

Alec was glad that Jace offered to drive the truck. The banana probably wouldn't have made the trip there in one piece. (The fender was about two miles from falling off so everyone took Jace's truck out- even if it made Jace upset.)

Maryse was going to meet them there, and Magnus said he'd ride with Raphael and they'd take Clary with them.

Alec was happy that everyone he loved, and everyone they loved (or, for Simon, didn't even like) came together. Even if it was only for a night.

Alec got the honor of the front seat, even if he insisted he didn't have to sit in the front.

There was just something about these three people that made Alec feel all warm and fuzzy inside, like his heart had turned to cotton. 

It was like Alec had finally found his place in the world. 

He was happy, content. There was no question in his mind that he'd be with Magnus for the rest of his life- that was, of course, if Magnus wanted it just as much as he did. Which Alec really hoped that he did.

They hadn't even moved in together yet. That must've meant something. But Alec didn't want to ask. He'd be moving into Magnus' place, and he didn't want to feel like he was intruding, or Magnus said yes because he felt like he had to. 

"Alec, you have your overthinking face on," Simon said from the back, looking at Alec in the rearview mirror. 

Alec sighed. "I do not have an overthinking face."

Simon nodded. "You kind of do. Again, take it from a professional."

"What are you overthinking, buddy?" Jace asked, glancing quickly at Alec. 

Alec didn't know if he should tell all of them. But this was his family. He could tell them anything. "It's just that Magnus hasn't asked me to move in yet. I thought that maybe he was going to, but every time I think that he is, he never does. It's like when someone holds something out for you and just snatches it away when you go to grab it."

Isabelle piped in. "That's overthinking it. He may not even be worried about you moving in. Or maybe he's waiting for the right time. I know you probably want to think it's because you're not good enough, but that's bullshit, and you know it. There's a reason for him avoiding asking it."

"So he's avoiding it?" Alec asked. 

The other three groaned. 

Alec turned to look at Jace. "What? No, seriously! What?"

Jace just shook his head and kept on driving, not answering any of Alec's actual questions with actual answers. 

Alec sighed, turning his head forward. A tough crowd he was chatting with. If you could actually call it chatting. It was mostly just sighs and groans. And Alec flopping like a fish trying to make sense of everyone else. 

That sounded about right.

Alec knew that he was overthinking everything. That was what he was good at. Overthinking anything that needed thought. He would make a terrible boss, especially when given questions constantly. He would never be able to answer all of the questions without having to write out a pros and cons list. A lot of people didn't have any time for that shit. 

Alec didn't know what his new job entailed, really, but he did know that he was ready to begin the next part of his life. 

Especially if he had Magnus by his side. 

 

Lime Light was just as charming the second time they went there. This time, they were actually ready (they, meaning everyone aside from Alec who finally gave responsibility to Isabelle.) and had the reservations ready. 

Maryse was already there- she did live in Rhode Island, after all- and when she saw Alec, she crushed him in a hug with tears welling up in her eyes. She was proud of her son for following his dreams. That meant so much to Alec. 

"I"m so proud of you, baby boy," Maryse said, pulling away and holding a hand to Alec's cheek. 

Alec leaned into her hand for a moment, before letting a happy smile spread onto his face. "Thank you, Mom."

Maryse nodded and released Alec, going off to huge Isabelle and Jace after. Alec grinned when he saw Simon's surprised expression when Maryse's arms wrapped around him. 

It wasn't that Maryse never hugged any of her children in front of Simon. She just usually didn't hug Simon along with her children. The experience must've been mind boggling.

The blue eyed maitre d just smiled at them on their way in, allowing them to make their own way to Maryse. Alec had to remember to tell Magnus that his friend was pretty cool. (Alec was pretty sure that the man's name was Will, but he wouldn't bet his left kidney on it, or anything.)

Their table was at the back of the restaurant, long table with four chairs on each side and two at the end- although they wouldn't have to use those if they didn't want.

Alec plopped down in his chair and waited for his boyfriend to walk through the front doors of the building.

"Have you guys ever been here before?" Maryse asked, sitting in front of Jace and beside Isabelle.

Jace nodded. "Hell yeah we have. Do you wanna hear what happened the last time?"

Alec shook his head. "She most definitely does not."

Isabelle cut in. "Oh but she obviously does."

Simon nodded along his agreement with Isabelle, and Alec decided that he needed new siblings and a new best friend.

It was Simon who plunged into the story, seeing as he was the only willing eye-witness.

Alec blushed the entire time that the story was told, and didn't care enough to correct Simon when he forgot the part about Magnus calling him Sheldon.

Maryse shook her head with a smile when the story ended, before turning her eyes to Alec. "It's sweet. And I'm also sure that it took you over two weeks to actually text him, didn't it?"

Alec nodded. "It did. I just wasn't sure that he actually liked me."

"Oh, I did."

Alec smiled and looked up at Magnus, his heart already doing somersaults in his chest, making his entire body jolt with joy. "Magnus!"

Magnus gave Isabelle a kiss on the head before giving Maryse a hug, and patting Simon on the shoulder. Raphael went to sit by Simon all grumpily, but Alec saw his eyes soften at the sight of Simon. Clary went to sit in between Alec and Jace, smiling at Alec and sharing a kiss with Jace. Magnus finally came to sit by Alec, and Alec could finally look into the beautiful eyes that he fell in love with.

"Why, hello there, gorgeous," Magnus said, leaning forward for a kiss.

Alec met him halfway, pressing their lips together gently. Alec pulled away with a smile. "Hello. But my face is not a mirror."

Magnus looked like he didn't know what to say for a moment, before nodding. "That was smooth. I think the best I've heard. You know, people flirt with me a lot, Alexander, it's pretty good to get that."

Alec shrugged. "They've never been me. So, how was the drive?"

"Well, I assume it was just about the same as yours except with different and not as exciting company. Raphael pretty much forced me to answer Simon the entire time- and before you ask, they are most definitely dating."

"We are not!" Simon said, leaning across the table and listening into their conversation. 

Alec and Magnus shared a glance. 

"They most definitely are," Alec said. 

 

The food at Lime Light seemed to taste so much better with the right people there. Every once in a while, Magnus would turn and look over at Alec and Magnus' eyes would soften, and his mouth would curve up into a smile, and right there, Alec was home. 

Alec could still feel a small weight pulling at his chest when he thought about the word home in general. Magnus was Alec's home, which meant Alec wanted to be with Magnus as much as he could. Which also meant living with Magnus. 

It was a small cloud hanging over Alec's head, drenching him with sad thoughts. 

Eventually Alec excused himself to go outside, but he smiled and he could tell that everyone didn't think too far into it. Alec quickly went to stand outside, leaning against the side of the building. 

It was already dark outside, and when Alec looked up he could only see a few stars, all of the other ones covered beneath heavy rain clouds blocking their shine. The ones that Alec could see were wavering, not as bright as Alec was used to. They were unenergized, their power source draining quickly. 

There were still beautiful sky scrapers all around Providence, touching the sky. Some were all lit up- people still hard at work inside- and others were almost all of the way dark, only a few lights flipped on. 

It was like New York, but it wasn't. When you walked into New York's streets, you felt invisible, so many people covering you. When you were in Providence it was as if everyone stood to watch you pass, as if they were all judging you. 

There was just something so honest about Providence. In New York, everyone was hidden behind a mask. 

Alec didn't move from his spot as rain started slipping from the clouds, splattering on the concrete and exploding into little shapes that Alec could make out pretty well. 

The rain began to fall harder, and Alec was just about to take the step into the rain when a hand on his arm stopped him.

Alec whirled around quickly, and found himself face to face with Magnus, his gold-green eyes shining brightly in the dark night. 

"Are you sure you want to do that?" Magnus asked. 

Alec nodded, slipping his hand in Magnus'. "Yes. Are you sure you want to?"

"What-"

Alec yanked himself and Magnus into the downpour, both of them getting soaked instantly. Alec felt a deep chill settle into his bones, but then he was in Magnus' arms, and the ice was thawing so fast. 

Magnus looked down at Alec, his black hair falling into his gold-green eyes and water pooling in his beautiful lips. "Move in with me?" 

Alec felt every weight that had been weighing on his body, in his heart and head, disappear with the few words. It was like having a slate wiped clean. Alec felt so light; as if the unsure thoughts inside of him had been weights that were set on dragging Alec down. 

"Yes. Of course, yes."

Magnus' smile was so very bright. Alec was ready to shield his eyes when Magnus' lips touched down on Alec's own, water falling into their mouths. 

Alec had never expected himself to get happiness. He didn't think that he deserved it. And maybe he didn't. But Magnus did, and if Alec was that happiness, then Alec would fight with everything he had in him. But the fight was won.

A key- that was the only thing. That was the only thing that Alec would be getting, at least  _material_. 

Alec was getting so much more than that. 

He was getting everything. 

Alec was finally home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and there it is :))))  
> i totally stole that "my face is not a mirror" line from MiaVivisol & im not sorry, it was really cute :)))) 
> 
> alright, i'm going to keep it "short" 
> 
> thank you all for loving this story just as much as i do. it's my baby, and i'm honestly very proud of myself for finishing it, and (hopefully) giving it the finish that it deserves.  
> for everyone who commented, or gave me kudos & love, i love y'all so very much!  
> (you will never believe me when i tell you that i literally cried)  
> you're the best angels ever!
> 
> i hadn't planned on writing this chapter so fast, but do you wanna hear why i did?  
> i was brushing my teeth before bed (good hygiene and all of that) and i look down at the floor and see baby spiders eVERYWHERE.  
> i, of course, run out of my bathroom with my toothbrush and a mouth full of toothpaste, and i run right into my room and on my bed to "hide".  
> and then it hits me. what comes with babies? a mom.  
> it was like my thoughts (fear) spurred it on.  
> a huge ass fucking spider (i'm always overdramatic, but this one was huge) starts crawling on my wall and into my room, and i crawl into the corner of my bed against the wall and immediately start sobbing- because fuck, it was huge.  
> i call my dad (because normally if i text him a bunch he'll wake up but he hadn't yet) but he didn't answer, and i watched the spider crawl under my dresser.  
> long story short, not much sleep was gained that night.  
> also, i swallowed my toothpaste so i could yell for my big brother (who is also afraid of spiders) and i'm pretty sure that's very unsafe. let's hope i don't get poisoned. 
> 
> anyways, just know that y'all are the best & i love you very much :) 
> 
> all the love,
> 
> tori <3

**Author's Note:**

> please, if you think that something could be changed, let me know! constructive criticism is helpful, but also know you can tell me that you didn't like something without being rude!
> 
> of course, kudos & comments are welcome <3
> 
> -find me on twitter @salyersbaby, and we can freak out about the new epi on monday for shadowhunters (o man)
> 
> all the love, angels <3
> 
> p.s. this is going to be pretty fast moving, but i'm going to makes sure that they actually know each other before i get into all of the crazy stuff


End file.
